Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 8 years ago

My future mother-in-law HATES me?!? (sorry for the little rant she just really gets to me!)?

Me and my fiance have been together for a year and we've known each other years! since I was 19 and started of as an intern and worked myself up and he was 22 (we are now 25 and 28) at first we actually hated each other because he was my boss at his fathers company and we just didn't see eye to eye but then we got to know each other and I got a new job so we can be together.

5 months ago I made a point of getting to know his family (I get on with all his family except her!). He didn't want me to meet her because he knew what she was like but (I wish I didn't now) but I pressured him to meet her.

She hates me because his parents are both very wealthy and thinks his marrying lower then him and she thinks I'm a gold digger (I will sign a pre-nup to shut her up cause I don't care about the money!). I'm 7 months pregnant, she has claimed that my baby isn't his and I'm trying to trap him and has said it is my ex's and (the pregnancy was an accident I was on the pill but it didn't work)

My mum is Brazilian and dad is Irish-Italian even though I was born and raised in London as Catholic not a strong one but its still my religion (his Jewish but they are not strong Jews he don't observe Sabbath, eat Kosher etc) but she doesn't like that I won't become Jewish yet my fiances dad was Christian so she just likes causing problems!

She isn't even a good mum! She put my fiance and her 2 daughters in boarding school because she said she hates kids, his told me so many stories of horrible things she done to him as a kid and to him its just normal because his so used to her. She critcises her oldest daughter for NOT having a Nanny for her 3 year old son as in her head its actually weird to want to spend time with your child!

She always insults me & its starting to stress me out which isn't good for the baby and my fiance sticks up for me he once he threw her out the apartment once when it got really bad and she reduced to me to tears and his shouted at her and told her I feel but she doesn't care and carrys on or she does it when his not around and acts like I'm exaggerating

I don't want to see her but not seeing her means not seeing his 14 year old sister (she would refuse to let us see her or are daughter when she's born and I love his sister we always talk) and I also love his step-dad his funny and humble and would love him to be granddad to our child.

She brings up his ex-fiance whenever she can because she preferred her and she still see's her and always suggests they get back together! and blames me for breaking them up (they broke up because she cheated on him).

I have people telling me I should leave him because he isn't worth the baggage (but I feel bad leaving him, its not his fault his mums a crazy women) and people saying I shouldn't because it means that she's won...I'm just so confused!

Update:

@H I'm not controlling I'm actually the opposite of that I don't mind if he wants to go out or text or hang out with other girls and we are both fun spirited people and I try and I was taught by my parents to take the high road if she says something mean to me I ignore her and I always smile and welcome her and offer her food or a drink but she refuses to try with me!

7 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sounds like he's a good guy -- not many men will stand up to their mothers like that, especially Jewish men!! You don't need to be around her at all, if you don't want to. The 14 year old is old enough to speak for herself, and if she's not allowed to hang out with you right now, she will be in a year's time! The step-father seems like a good guy, too, so maybe he'll help you stay connected to the sister.

    As for the wedding, I would tell the Mother-in-law-to-be to kiss off. She has no business at a wedding that she doesn't support. A Jewish mother will NEVER accept a goy... not unless you convert. I speak from experience. I bent over backward for my MIL, and even allowed my children to be converted. Not worth it. Stand up for yourself -- distance yourself from her. Your fiance will respect you for being able to put his crazy mother aside -- and your relationship will be strengthened if you don't allow her to interfere.

    Good luck with the baby and the wedding! Mazel Tov! :)

  • ???
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    She's a horrible person. She's a terrible mother. Just keep reminding yourself of that, and be grateful that you have a fiance who will stick up for you. I'm so sorry you're in this situation, but you're in it whether or not you get married because you're having a baby together. This question is coming 7 months too late. ;)

    I would limit time with her as much as possible and be a little cool to her when she is over. Be a gracious hostess but don't waste time trying to win her over. She'll take it as a weakness, and hate you even more for it. Instead pay attention to everyone BUT her and have plenty of things to say, ignore her, ignore her, ignore her, and cherish everything else in the moments you have to be around her. Smile knowing your happiness will eat her alive.

  • 8 years ago

    You know you should sit down and really think about the future. You cannot change the way his mom thinks and your fiance is her son. If you are willing to go through all that and you think he's worth it then go ahead and get married, but that will not change the way his mom thinks about you. She will probably treat you worse. I know many women who've had "monster in laws" and some deal with it or some change. Either his mom will keep hating you, your kids etc or either she will see how good you are and change.

    Ok question for you....does she dislike you because you're controlling...as in you want all of her son's attention and want to be with him 24/7? Like its his mom you have to share you cannot totally cut away from her. She gave birth to him. Imagine if you had a son who had a wife who didn't want your son to meet you or spend time with you. (not saying you are this way)

    People who are telling you don't let go of him or she won...that's just sad and pathetic. It is not a competition its not either he stays with you or stays with his mom. You cannot cut family ties because that is disrespectful and mean. Imagine if your son either chose you or his wife (not saying your crazy like her but just imagine that feeling) It's not a competition either you both respect each other and let your fiance spend time with his mom and you or you accept how she is even if she's wrong because you love her son so much. Is he worth going through all that? This hate-hate relationship will go nowhere till one of decides to respect the other no matter what. If you keep arguing you might lose him or he will choose you over his mother and you have to remain with the guilt of breaking a mother and son relationship.

    Don't lose your cool, be nice and hope for her to change. No matter how much she disrespects you you don't drop down to her level and disrespect her back. Be the bigger person and this might even gain love and respect from your mother-in-law and fiance or your fiance. He might see you really do care about him and love him and are willing to accept a "flaw" in his family.

    It's up to you now, is he worth it or you don't want to live with that stress for the rest of your life. I know its a hard decision but hopefully everything ends up okay for you. Even if you don't choose him, you did NOT lose, you are just a human being and you don't have to go through that. No matter how much people tell you you lost to her, you didn't, you were the bigger person. Don't let other people pressure you because its your decision, your future. People always have something to say. Good luck with your decision.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    If u want it to work with your fiance spend the least amount of time with her as you can. You can't change her and if you love him you will have to deal with it. Everyone comes with baggage. Just smile and ignore her nastiness and be the better person. I know it doesn't seem that easy but I spent years trying to please my mother in law and all I ever got was upset and fought with my husband about it. Now I just smile and nod and give her nothing.

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  • Matt
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    You need to stop whining and grow up. If you go to total strangers for your advice, maybe the mother-in-law has some good points. I don't know though. I can't read that much rambling about an inane issue.

    Source(s): Proud Roman Catholic
  • vis
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    keep away from mom in law and in a few years you can see the sister, stand your grounds and that means keeping her away from the wedding or rent a few cops to attend if you have to,

  • 8 years ago

    You say you don't want to leave him cuz u feel bad for him? Not once did u say u love him....sooo....I think you like the drama.

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