? asked in Social SciencePsychology · 9 years ago

Have you ever felt like you've lost yourself?

Ok, here's the thing

When I first took a step into the elementary school I was extremely sociable and self-confident. I could easily make new friends. I also have to admit, I was a very smart kid (no boasting). And the main thing was that I loved lying. I really enjoyed lying to my schoolmates, my friends, even my parents. Usually I lied when I just wanted to avoid some problems (like everyone else does) and somehow I managed to succeed but sooner I started lying in order to make pranks of people and make them stay unaware of something so that I can be at advantage. After I once lied to my best friend she had an argument with her parents and I didn't even feel sorry for her - I was just laughing and thinking how stupid she was. At that time I was no older than 11, I was foolish and pretty sure that what I was doing was a good thing.

But when I went to secondary school things suddenly got wrong. I lost all of my friends (you've probably already figured out why), none of my classmates had any desire to even speak to me and I changed into an introverted and quiet person. Things got better when I went to high school though.

Now let's get to the point.

I don't remember myself being too sociable and talkative since secondary school but something has definitely changed since the last year. I went to summer camp in Australia where I met a lot of outgoing, extroverted and just great young people. You'd say they were the life of the party. I was so fascinated by their confidence and optimistic outlook that I decided to change myself and become someone as open-minded and outgoing as them. Everyday I told myself that I should try to make a lot of friends, be sociable and optimistic, meet up with different people more often, try different activities so that I can make some new friends and it actually worked. I changed quite a lot since my first years of high school. But there's still something that bothers me: I often feel that I'm only forcing myself to be all that, that when I'm trying to show a new girl or a guy I just met yesterday that I really want to know them better it's all just a fake. The idea of getting to know new people and going out most of my spare time is really attractive but I don't feel being too happy with all that. I heard a lot of people saying it's good to meet new people and make a lot of friends, especially when you're young. But I just don't feel right about it. I'd rather spend hours surfing the internet for the latest music releases, new tv episodes or just the info about things I'm interested in, drawing, listening to my ipod, reading some magazine articles or something. At the same time I'm not against going to a noisy party or having a bunch of friends staying at my house and playing video games all day :D I just kinda feel more comfortable by myself. But I'm still trying to look all that outgoing and talkative in front of others. Why? Why am I lying again? I feel like I lost myself. Who am I, really? LOL

1 Answer

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    :Aah not to worry my friend its all part of your youth-hood you'll grow out of it later on ~v~

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