How to deal with controlling, bossy wife?

I wash the clothes, change the diapers, do a lot of the cooking, drop off and pick our toddler from daycare, put him to bed every single night, but my wife is domineering and bossy about everything in the house and how my time is spent. Even after cleaning the house, she'll walk around "noticing" things out of place, and ask "What's ____doing there?" or "Why is _____ there?" every single day.

I also work and I'm finishing my B.s in Chemical Engineering My wife went to grad school for English, and I think she just has absolutely no idea how difficult the coursework is. If I need to go study at night after the baby is asleep, it's a huge issue to her. She thinks that difficult chemical problems or mathematics should only take an hour or two, while they might take many hours of study. I'm at my wit's end with her. Anyone been through a similar situation.

9 Answers

  • 8 years ago
    Best Answer

    I have to say, your wife, by far, has greater problems than her ugly "domineering" and less than becoming "bossiness". She's unappreciative, has NO empathy for others, and I would surmise is OVERLY concerned with image and appearances I'll wager. BTW? Your course of study is far more difficult, time consuming than English (I majored in it as well, believe me, I know the very REAL differences). Let's face it guy, her BIG life problem? Inconsiderate if not rude; less than loving as a wife when it comes to the day to day operation of running a home.

    I would sit her down and let her know, you are ALREADY, tired of her demands; her aggressiveness over the littliest of matters and she has turned into one huge nag and even though you contribute worthily? She is NEVER happy or appreciative. I would ask her to voice her side and listen, but I suspect she's far more absorbed with herself, by all accounts, so be prepared.

    There is NO reason to live with someone like this for a lifetime; and you can certainly let her know that...That life isn't perfect but she makes is far harder by her less than sunny, positive, kind, caring disposition and that you do as much parenting as she does and resent her constant unkindness.

    Loving couples don't behave this way...Even with the stress of work and rearing a child? You may have a time or two a month when things get difficult, but seriously, every day to behave this way or even every week? Is just nonsense...

    I worked full time as my husband did. He did more overtime, so I had to do more around the house and in regard to our son. I didn't resent it, I UNDERSTOOD it, I was MATURE enough to GET that sometimes the scale of balance teeters far over to one side and it takes time to come back to middle ground. I was just happy to have him in my life and I COULD SEE he was trying to do SO MUCH and my love for him was to alleviate some of that load (-and I put him through college TWICE, so I understand the studying thing...He did it for me in my 40's...more around the house, etc.)

    Please sit her down and tell her how bad she makes you feel. How it is difficult just to be around her these days and WHY. She needs to HEAR it...And if she goes "off" ??? I would turn on my heel and walk out for a few hours...Seriously, this woman just does not get it...Self-centered to the hilt!


  • 3 years ago

    Bossy Wife

  • 4 years ago

    This Site Might Help You.


    How to deal with controlling, bossy wife?

    I wash the clothes, change the diapers, do a lot of the cooking, drop off and pick our toddler from daycare, put him to bed every single night, but my wife is domineering and bossy about everything in the house and how my time is spent. Even after cleaning the house, she'll walk around...

    Source(s): deal controlling bossy wife:
  • Anonymous
    6 years ago

    First of all I can sympathize with your situation. What you need to do that you haven't realized yet is that "This is her personality" Although she makes you feel like she is attacking you and disrespecting you she is oblivious to this. You can say that she has revealed her true self. Also I am willing to bet good money that she is eager to connect with you on a deeper level and because you have been busy with your coursework you haven't had a chance to shut off all electronic devices and ask her how her day was and just sit there and listen without interrupting. I have learned this lesson the hard way. The more connected she is to you - which is driven by how much she has opened up to you - it will make her nag less and begin to passionately support you. You are doing some great things with your career goals but realize one thing that your career has nothing noddah zilch to do with the RELATIONSHIP and more importantly her relationship needs. Think of it as seperate accounts 10/10 for your career. 0/10 for your relationship connection. If she doesn't feel connected to you how can she support you.

    Dont worry so much about taking care of the house as you are with connecting with her. Ask her about herself until she ask you about how your doing. You can do this. Your a smart hard working guy. Dont feel deflated. It might take a while but your will see her change a little in this process and it should inspire you to keep going.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • ???
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    Loads of people. Next time she starts in on "what's this doing here?" say, "The important question is why you're not moving it where YOU think it belongs instead of trying to make me feel like a jerk for not reading your mind." I wouldn't say it in a confrontational way, just bring it up how it comes across and that she has the potential to fix the problem instead of turning it into a bigger one.

    If you have to do coursework and she complains about it, let her know that if she can't be supportive of you, you'll just do your studies at the library. Remind her that you're doing your fair share and you're tired of having your life red-marked all the time.

    Stick up for yourself, man, or she'll do this forever!

  • 8 years ago

    Your wife is dominating you because you aren't. You think its easier to just keep the peace and do everything.

    You need to sit her down and tell her that you aren't going to take it any more and if she can't change her ways, you will just have to move out.

  • Mary
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    For the best answers, search on this site

    It's in their culture. Many old fashioned Asian families are still like that while the modern Asian families not anymore

  • 8 years ago

    consider talking to her, placing boundaries in how the two of you should be communicating to each other or try marriage counseling.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    bend her over your knee and give her a Good old Fashion spanking see if that helps. but you just have to have the balls to do it first.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.