How do you like my serious poem?
Inspired by one of those questions that comes up every so often : What is your power animal ? And by Seamus Heaney's poem The Names of the Hare. It is about my favourite animal, that haunts the hills where I live and gets a white coat in Winter.
THE NAMES OF THE MOUNTAIN HARE.
Mountain Hare, Blue Hare,
Old Miss Grey, Young Miss White .....
The ghost of Winter
With one foot in spring
White when the hill has turned green
Little Miss Distance, Turncoat,
Heather Duster, Disappearing Act .....
Who travels in time but stands outwith
Who has made a deal with Old Mother Scotland
Who has twenty one gears but rarely needs them all
Who could go a lot faster
Who is not a rabbit
Nor a lamb
Nor a stone.
Who will use a path if there is one
Fly an inch above the heather if there is not
Explode at our feet and be a distant statue
Before we can say any of her names.
Snow Rocket, Windcheater,
Ghost for all Seasons .....
Who leaves footprints white
Upon white just to show
She can touch the ground.
Our Friend On The Hill,
Little Secret .....
Who can become two hares
In two places at once
Hide behind the Moon at midday
Slip between this world and the next
Taking us with her
Before we can say Lepus Timidus,
Another of her names.
@synposis : I agree the last line sounds a bit trite. What could I put instead ? The full Latin name Lepus Timidus Scoticus ? Or nothing at all (finishes on Timidus) ?
OK. Timidus it is then. Maybe a little free verse self-indulgence and give it a line all of it's own ?
Before we can say Lepus
(Might suggest a lame attempt to capture the hare by saying its name, and missing by a mile.)
- synopsisLv 78 years agoFavorite Answer
Constructing an entire poem out of kennings (different ways of saying the same thing, especially of naming an object) was popular in lots of dark age poetry. In celtic poems it was almost a distinct form, and in Welsh the technique (called dyfalu) is still used by modern poets such as Euros Bowen.
You can hardly go wrong with such a poem: the form stops sentiment or emotional haze (the two great wreckers of most poetry) from intruding, as long as you use it ruthlessly.
I enjoyed this quite a lot. I think one can do more with dyfalu (it is possible to structure the form, to give the poem direction: Dafydd ab Edmwnd's I Wallt Merch is one of my favourite examples). I think you should consider ways you can direct this technique in your future work.
But even just giving the technique its head often produces a poem full of colour and detail. I think you have done that here. I enjoyed this a great deal, and I have already read it several times over.
I don't think you need the last line; anyone clever enough to get a grip on the poem can work that out for herself.
But it is probably the best thing posted here so far this year. Keep up the good work.
'Timidus' is a good place to end this poem; (especially for folk who know a little Latin).
- Anonymous8 years ago
That was outstanding! x
Funny, today I was talking to a friend about how I do not like poems, as I never see one that truly makes me stop... and want to immerse my self in the story it tells x Well, maybe that it why I found you and your poem? Cause my opinion has totally changed from reading your work :) x This really is, in my eyes, one of the best poems I have ever read. Its like a work of art ^^ x A quote I think I should say about this, is "The job of the artist is always to deepen the mystery", I truly believe its a work of art and does create my imagination to want to experience the mystery :) x
Congratulations on your work, it really is amazing. I may only be 16 and may not know a lot about poetry, but this is my honest opinion :) x
Thank you for brightening my day, Alice xSource(s): None, the poem itself founded my (personal) answer x
- cassie58Lv 78 years ago
I do like your serious poem and pleased to see The Duck in flight. The Duck can write. Very much enjoyed this piece and saw the wonderful imagery of hares tearing across the purple heather (well it was in my mind) as well as snow covered ground. Like how you approached this piece and also of course the critique given by Synopsis which is always so informative.
- 8 years ago
Since my taste for poetry remains stunted at the dirty limerick phase, I shall refrain from answering so that better critics may speak. I will just say that I am glad to see the Lemsip Max doing its job.
Also I really liked the line "Explode at our feet and be a distant statue".
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- Lapiz Dominoes.Lv 78 years ago
"Never, never ever
was the hare so un-together
as to rove the wild puce heather
lending glimpse of her wild wide homes.
Her magic unassailable,
her instincts fair, to all - untrainable,
her innate value, only available
to her true lovers, and their poems.
Ill-wind attempt to trap her joys,
she has many a `bad-him` time;
`Tis complimentary to her fleet
of foot, that you have wrought such rhyme -
sublime."Source(s): Inspired by the questioner`s deeply meaningfuls poem.
- PANDORA ΠανδώραLv 78 years ago
A wonderful poem which took me by surprise.
A poet you are Sir, and one with 'hidden' talents.
A pretty pleasing poem...Thank you for sharing.
- Toke LoverLv 78 years ago
Between this Q & another I just recently answered, I'm craving jellied rabbit something fierce...
It's nice, poems & me...well...sorry, can't give any technical advice other than it's nice...LOL
- lovechildLv 78 years ago
This makes me re,member Watership Down. I was 5 when I decided that I am, in fact, Fiver.
- Anonymous8 years ago
Ace! Loved it! And down to earth too - love the grounding phrases!