Possibly moving in with aging mother-in-law to take care of her..help?

My husband has mentioned this possibility in passing, but this evening he said that he had discussed this possible move with one of his sisters. I know his mother needs someone there to look after her and it is the right thing to do. However I know that the one that will be doing all the looking after will be me, as he will be working and I will be there 24/7. I really don't know that I am up to this and I know that I am not ready to hear all the complaining, as everything to her is negative. We live right beside her and I am already there on a daily basis as well as taking her to all Dr. appts. We also have 2 dogs both small, but one has a lung disease and even when my mother in law visits here, she complains about the coughing and I feel that I would end up having to have her put to sleep in order to stop the complaining regarding her. Plus I am a bit upset that this has been discussed seriously without being discussed with me and our teen daughter.

So I am wondering if anyone else has done this and how did it work or how did you make it work.

2 Answers

  • Yes, definitely you should be included in this life journey discussion. Because it will change the course of living for everyone not just your husband and his sisters. He needed to bring your voice and concerns into the conversation.

    You have done so much already. And you have your own life, responsibilities, teen daughter and dogs.

    It doesn't sound like you are the person with a lot of empty time nor have not yet contributed anything to support the mother-in-law.

    When my mother had a terminally ill, she moved in with my sister. And I saw how it had been for my sister. My mother was not a complainer. She was so grateful and was a kind patient. She was paralized and needed helps 24/7. It was not difficult to be with her when someone who was sick and yet being so mindful and appreciative of others.

    My sister was a stay at home mom/wife. Since my mother moved in; she got no life. Despite we had hospice care and some relief but she was still the primary care person. I also took a role in caring for my mother and supporting my sister. Every Friday afternoon after work, I would drive 2 hours to my sister's house and started the care until Monday morning. I returned to work on Monday. My sister got some break during the weekend. My mom had been in our care for 7-8 months until she passed away. It was quite a spiritual journey, tested our strengths in so many levels and relationships. It brought out unresolved issues to surface during that period. It also offered opportunities to rise above the occasion and showed the better part of us.

    After all, we survived this. Looking back, I did not regret anything at all. It was hard but all of us did it the best each of us knew how with the information, skills, resources at hand.

    I feel that I grew much stronger (spiritual wise). And I appreciate my life partner during this difficult time. Sorry for not having a specific answer to help you, hopefully by sharing my experience with you; may help you to figure things out in your own unique way. Good luck. And I wish you the best.

  • 9 years ago

    I have never looked after a sick mother in-law ...however I most certainly would not do it under these circumstance . Your husband discussed this without talking to you first , getting your feelings on the matter . I can guarantee you 100% that the whole thing will be a disaster for you , but great for your husband and his sister. Don't even consider it ...let him and his sister do the looking after , after all you're all ready helping your mother in-law .

    Your husband is planning your future , the future of your daughter , without discussing any of it with you and your daughter !! .....does he do this sort of thing all the time ?

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