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Is there something wrong with me? Can someone help me?
I'm 16 and people always describes me as being shy. When I was little, as far back as I could remember, my parents would always treat my only sister who is older better than me. Whenever we got into a fight my parents never listened to what I had to say. I was always punished. This never happened to my sister. We had a little store with lots of snacks and when my sister asked for one she got. When I asked I rarely got so I started to take it when they weren't looking. When they found out I was beaten with a leather belt. And when I got sick, which was not often, my mom used to say that it was because of all the snacks that I ate. If I tripped it was they used to shout at me to watch where I was going.My two cousins used to be by us a lot and used to love to watch Sesame Street. My sister and my two cousins- they were all older than me, used to look down on me and say that it was a stupid show and they didn't know how I could have watched it. When I was five there used to be an older boy who used to run up to me and slap me across the face for no reason at all and then run away. I never told anyone because I was afraid of what they would say and I thought my parents would not believe me. I'm not beaten any more because I don't steal any more but...when my mom ask me to do a chore it's like she's angry at me. When she asks my sister her voice doesn't have that anger. At first I thought it was just me but I can't help but feel like I did something wrong. My dad would still shout at me even when my sister is trying to annoy me. When my mom misplaces something she blames it on us- she shouts at us that one of us moved it event though we didn't. I never recalled my mom apologizing for something she did by accident. I recall clearly ( it was just last year) when I wrote CSEC exams I did a lot better than my sister. My mom told me I did good and that was that. When my sister got her results she got a hug and a kiss from my mom. Sometimes when I give my dad to sign the exam and he sees my mark he would say "that's all?!" sign it and give it back even when I make the highest. He even did this to my sister. He never let us do anything unrelated to academics. Sometimes I just want someone to hug and I could cry. I hate to be in school sometimes because just talking to a teacher stresses me out because I'm afraid I might do something wrong and they would say humiliate me or something even when I know they won't. It's like a reflex reaction I have to adults. Sometimes I'm afraid to talk to people because I'm afraid of what they would say. In class my friends are able to learn everything faster than me and they remember things better. After reading a book one time they can quote lines!! And they talk about the things they get to do or fun things they did in the past while I have nothing to share. My dad never let me do anything except chores around the house. When I first came into secondary school I was shocked. The other girls hugged their friends whom they hadn't seen in a long time. That never happened to me. They shared their food so normally and talked so openly. They talked to teachers so comfortably. I've actually made a few real friends but I'm terrified of going back to it used to be so I don't say much about myself. When I have to answer to a teacher in class I get so nervous that I feel drained afterwards. My best friend knows but even she too is treated unfairly by her parents even more than me. She looks like she deals with it better than me. She's more open and knows how to talk and help people. She help me a couple of times but she has her own problems to deal with.
I feel like not talking to people sometimes. I feel like people don't take on anything I say. I feel like I can't concentrate for very long to do my school work very good. Am I too sensitive? Or is it all the feelings that I buried come back to bite me in the butt or am I drowning myself in my own self-pity? How do I stop feeling like people won't judge me or humiliate me?
- LizLv 79 years agoFavorite Answer
This is tough. I like that you can see both sides to this problem and it makes me think that you're going to be OK. Your lack of self-esteem is not surprising and I would normally advise counselling or therapy, but I don't see the parents going along with that, somehow! Try and find a book about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in the library. That will help you to get started. Other than that, I think you'll just have to wait until you are old enough to leave home.Then, my dear, you can spread your wings!
- 5 years ago
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- 9 years ago
Hey.... Even I have gone through same situation ..But the situation I gone through in my childhood was worst than yours..
I don't know why your parents are treating you like this .. they are completely wrong.. what they are doing is not right .. But, at this juncture, one person can help you.. - YOU yourself.
Try to ignore all people who treat you unfairly.. Just IGNORE. I know it heats, but till you become adult and start leaving separately , try to spend more time with your friends ..
I will tell you one magic word ... This word you have heard before .. "CONFIDENCE" . This will help you in your school while answering questions. Just keep telling yourself in your mind that you are capable..you are equally or more intelligent than other girls. ..Focus more on studies.. Keep some aim.. that will help you to avoid unnecessary thoughts coming in your mind....probably because of your family problems you are not able to concentrate... If you keep some aim of good marks, your mind will automatically avoid those thoughts while studying and then even you will be able to remember all the things.. Remember, you are equally intelligent , smart and bold.
All the best. For any help, you may mail me on firstname.lastname@example.org
- 9 years ago
If you speak your mind i dont think people will judge/ humiliate you. If they do just let them know that you dont like it, it hurts your feeling and makes you uncomfortable. You should talk with a school councilor. I know it tough but they would prob give better advice. You could have a talk with your mom one day and just look her in the eye and tell her how you feel. Let her know you dont feel treated fairly and it makes you sad. I believe that will help with your situation. Also your probably a great person. speak your mind dont be shy to speak up.
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- 9 years ago
I feel for you.
I am kind of in the same situation like you.Life isn't easy.Life isn't a bed of roses.The world is a cold,scary,and difficult place to be,as I found out growing up.I know it's silly for me to advise this as I myself is a shy,timid and not really sociable person.What do you do if you get repeatedly slapped in the face?Fight back.Yeah,slap the person back.I mean,I'm not telling you of any sort to be rebellious,but i think it's time for you to get out back there,stand up,brush away your bruises and fight.The world.Stand up for yourself.You see,in 6th grade I had this classmate,her name will be..say..Olivia.She was kinda bullied by some of the girls in class and I felt really sorry for her.Now,the result?We go to the same school,same class and now she's getting back at us.I mean,we weren't the ones who bullied her but she seems to be taking it on us.She would sometimes grab our hands and our clothes and you can relate to that-but nothing too brutal.
See?She retaliating.She doesn't want to be hurt and bullied again,so she's setting up a wall,a barrier to protect herself.You can,too.Either avoid,ignore or go with the flow.Your parents are treating you unfairly-thiswe are could be illegal.You have rights.
Have you ever done something to provoke their anger?If not,they are being mean and what they are doing could be illegal,like I said.
Anyways,face life stronger.Push back.Don't give up.
As for in school,try to do something to grab their attention to notice you as a fun,interesting person.But it should be real and genuine.Not fake.I mean,even if we are not that pretty or whatever we can still make friends if we have a good attitude.Try getting along with their ways.But if it bad,don't.Being friendly,cheerful,bubbly,funny will always earn you respect and people will get to like you.I mean,which would you choose?A girl who is quiet and frowns all the time or a bubbly,happy,smiley girl who is really kind,friendly and tells jokes that make you laugh?
It's obvious.But be warned-don't over-act.Take time to build your confidence slowly.Start by being friendly and helpful.
You need to get out of the puddle of self-pity you are drowning in and get out there and have fun girl!
Because teenage life is only ONCE in a LIFETIME.
Enjoy life while you still can or you will regret.
Don't let people get to you,ignore them because they are wrong!You are just being paranoid,they don't really do that,it's just your feeling.
I will pray for you,even if I don't know you:))
P.S.:Sigh..I wish i I was my own counsellor:)Source(s): my brain,myself,life and how I found out it wasn't as easy as I thought:D