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Why does everyone say "you'll find love when you stop looking for it"?

Does it really happen?

What are your stories? (If you've found love when you least expected it--if you want to tell--you don't have to tell if you don't want to~)

How do you stop looking for love?

Update:

I focus on myself, and I get out of the house. (I have many hobbies, friends, but I'm just wondering why people say this.) I'm not desperate or anything~just wondering.

12 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    When you are looking TOO HARD for it, you give off an air of desperation.

    Funny thing about the human unconscious. When we run across someone who seems desperate, our unconscious says to itself, "Hmm ... they don't seem to be relaxed or comfortable in thinking they will be liked ... if THEY don't like themselves very much, they must know something I don't know" ... unconsciously, we judge that person as "not very likable" ...

    and consciously, all we know is that we kinda want to move a bit further away from this "desperate" person.

    Stop looking for love. Yes.

    You see ... love only TEMPORARILY makes us happier. If we aren't happy with our life, just as it IS, without love, ... we will become temporarily happier after we fall in love, but then after the infatuation/honeymoon period wears off, we become unhappy again.

    You've heard that lottery winners, are only "high" for a year after winning, and that they go back to being as happy or unhappy with life as they were before the win? This is always the case with any situation. And that includes love. Love only makes you happy long-term if you are already happy.

    If you are looking for happiness by looking for love, you will only disappoint yourself in the end.

    So instead of looking for love, look to be happy with life.

    And THAT attracts a whole lot more people .. happy people just DO attract others to them. And that often attracts love as well.

    How to become happy?

    Find things to do that interest you, that bring new information into your life, skills to master and accomplish. Especially mastering a skills or planning and meeting a goal will make you feel better about yourself.

    Exercise regularly, because exercise releases endorphins into our system that make us happier. Eat healthy and get enough sleep too. This impacts our happiness.

    Especially important, is learning how to NOT focus on yourself so much .. learn instead how to make others happy. Not just being kind and considerate and helpful to family and friends and co-workers ... go so far as to volunteer and help people who REALLY need help.

    In our city, there is the food bank for poor families.

    There is the soup kitchen for homeless people.

    There is a program to lead horses around, with handicapped children on the horses' backs (you have to be accomplished with horses to volunteer this way).

    There is the blood donor clinic that needs people to prepare the soup, pour the juice, walk around with trays of cookies.

    The point is to do something to bring a smile to someone's face, or to know that you have helped a stranger.

    This goes a long way in making you feel good about yourself, taking some sort of direct action to help others. And any psychologist will tell you that the more you are concerned about yourself, the more neurotic you are .. that getting "outside" of our selves is the best way to find happiness.

    So stop thinking that you "need" love in order to be happy. The truth is that you need people. You need to feel connections. You can get this from helping friends, family and strangers. But you do not necessarily need romantic love.

    As a matter of fact, it is very true that the stronger the "chemistry" in romantic love, the greater the "challenges" and the harder it will be to actually remain happy with them once the honeymoon has died out. The myth of romance is promoted by media because it sells books, movies, videos, and songs ... not because it is true.

    Google everything you can about "infatuation", "mature companionate love", and "the marriage map". You sound like a person who needs a bit of a dose of reality.

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  • rob p
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    I think it's a zen or cosmic thing. Sometimes we can try too hard but when we just let it happen it's a vibe we give off. Being in sales I have experienced the same thing. When I'm broke I sell less because I may subconsciously give off a vibe of desperation but when I have 10 grand in the bank I sell more because I act like I don't need the money. People respond to whatever you show them in an unconscious way. This holds true of why married people get hit on more than single people, because we have that aire about us that says "I'm not desperate".

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Here's an example: Kim Kardashian was looking for love and got married because she wanted to be married and have a beautiful wedding. She didn't get married because she loved that dude. You shouldn't be looking for love..you should be looking for a great guy. Find a great guy and THEN maybe you'll find love. It's like someone wanting a great career but they didn't graduate high school.

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  • 9 years ago

    i have a question, is "looking for love" same as "waiting for it"? Should we not care anymore? :S I don't look for it as in no effort whatsoever but I think about it like I'm waiting when it will come to me. Should I just stop thinking about it? :)

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    When you're looking for something too hard you usually find trouble in life.

    It's sort of someone looking for big fast money. They find (trouble).

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  • 9 years ago

    I don't think so. If you're not actively looking you'll probably pass up a good guy because you're too busy waiting for it to happen when you least expect it. You can't just sit back.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    its just silly gibberish. like you see on here when someone has a relationship issue they always say "dont worry it will work out fine." no it wont, these people just live in a fantasy world. and you dont "find" love. the people who say that are the same one who love a different person every couple of weeks. true love will happen once maybe twice in a lifetime. the rest of the time we are settling for someone that we are attracted to and can tolerate being around for extended lengths.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    yes, usually it happen. It doesnt mean u have to sit and do nothing and love will find u by its own, no. U should just stop searching, love urself, try to make some goals which u want to achieve, be very confident in urself and just enjoy ur life...

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    It's the same as that squiggly eye fluid that runs away when you try to look at it.

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  • 9 years ago

    Its because its true i constantly was lookin for her than gave up and focused on ME been alone for three years.then she came outta nowhere today we are inlove an gettin married soon. Good things come to those who wait.yuh will find your true love.she is from phoenix im from chicago came to arizona and there she was

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