When you are looking TOO HARD for it, you give off an air of desperation.
Funny thing about the human unconscious. When we run across someone who seems desperate, our unconscious says to itself, "Hmm ... they don't seem to be relaxed or comfortable in thinking they will be liked ... if THEY don't like themselves very much, they must know something I don't know" ... unconsciously, we judge that person as "not very likable" ...
and consciously, all we know is that we kinda want to move a bit further away from this "desperate" person.
Stop looking for love. Yes.
You see ... love only TEMPORARILY makes us happier. If we aren't happy with our life, just as it IS, without love, ... we will become temporarily happier after we fall in love, but then after the infatuation/honeymoon period wears off, we become unhappy again.
You've heard that lottery winners, are only "high" for a year after winning, and that they go back to being as happy or unhappy with life as they were before the win? This is always the case with any situation. And that includes love. Love only makes you happy long-term if you are already happy.
If you are looking for happiness by looking for love, you will only disappoint yourself in the end.
So instead of looking for love, look to be happy with life.
And THAT attracts a whole lot more people .. happy people just DO attract others to them. And that often attracts love as well.
How to become happy?
Find things to do that interest you, that bring new information into your life, skills to master and accomplish. Especially mastering a skills or planning and meeting a goal will make you feel better about yourself.
Exercise regularly, because exercise releases endorphins into our system that make us happier. Eat healthy and get enough sleep too. This impacts our happiness.
Especially important, is learning how to NOT focus on yourself so much .. learn instead how to make others happy. Not just being kind and considerate and helpful to family and friends and co-workers ... go so far as to volunteer and help people who REALLY need help.
In our city, there is the food bank for poor families.
There is the soup kitchen for homeless people.
There is a program to lead horses around, with handicapped children on the horses' backs (you have to be accomplished with horses to volunteer this way).
There is the blood donor clinic that needs people to prepare the soup, pour the juice, walk around with trays of cookies.
The point is to do something to bring a smile to someone's face, or to know that you have helped a stranger.
This goes a long way in making you feel good about yourself, taking some sort of direct action to help others. And any psychologist will tell you that the more you are concerned about yourself, the more neurotic you are .. that getting "outside" of our selves is the best way to find happiness.
So stop thinking that you "need" love in order to be happy. The truth is that you need people. You need to feel connections. You can get this from helping friends, family and strangers. But you do not necessarily need romantic love.
As a matter of fact, it is very true that the stronger the "chemistry" in romantic love, the greater the "challenges" and the harder it will be to actually remain happy with them once the honeymoon has died out. The myth of romance is promoted by media because it sells books, movies, videos, and songs ... not because it is true.
Google everything you can about "infatuation", "mature companionate love", and "the marriage map". You sound like a person who needs a bit of a dose of reality.
· 8 years ago