Josh L asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 9 years ago

poetry advice/ criticism!!?

made a poem wanted some advice and criticism on it.

"A dream

was once a thought

deeply desired, highly sought

a dreams the only battle worth fought"

i know its short but its the first poem I've wrote : ) just wanting some criticism

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  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    The first three lines are superb, very good. It is the last line that did not go well. Maybe, we should rearrange the words.

    "a dream is the only worthy battle I fought."

    Is this what you wanted to say?

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    very stable and argumentive. in effortless terms one element isn't hell forever torment...burning in flame? So, it would be extra advantageous to stay relatively then spending something of eternity burning in hearth and grim stone.

  • 9 years ago

    the last line doesn't work. you try too hard to get the rhyme.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    its pretty good for a first poem :)

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