Please tell me if this plot is good!?

Before i say anything i would just like to say PLEASE READ this plot even though it is really long because i really need help deciding if it is good. and sorry in advance if it isn't perfectly clear i just wanted to get it down fast.

I have already posted quite a few questions about this but it has been gradually changing so i wanted to know what you think.

The story is set in new York around the 1980's and it is about a man named ------- (sorry i haven't really got a name but i have called him johnny just so i know where he is in the story.) So johnny and his partner Frankie who is about 20 years older than him work for what ever gang leaders or criminals they can. They get a job with a man named Mr green and he assigns them a job to go and kill a man named Raymond Duke who owes mr green money. They are meant to harpoon him from the top of a crane into his room in a hotel but Mr green betrays them and tips the crane into the building. When Frankie and johnny collide with the building there is mass chaos and many are killed but Johnny blacked out and awoke just around the corner from the the fallen building. Frankie survives but barely and now Johnny is left to fend for himself (he is not very experienced in working with people alone.) One night he is out doing something when he finds a dead body on the floor (can i just add in that before all of this the news papers had been writing about body's that had been found dead and eaten or people that had woken up and found bites in their necks.) anyway johnny find a yound blond girl sitting in a corner of and old warehouse but she only speaks italian or spanish or a language that is quite innocent and sweer. eventually Johnny works this out and learns small phrases and carries around a small translator book with him as he takes her in and looks after her. and also she learns some English (or american in the book) but about four months later he finds out that she is the one who commited the murders and bit the peoples necks. As you have probably already worked out she is a vampire. but Johnny excepts this after a while. About a year later when Frankie gets out of hospital Johnny and him go after Mr green but are being chased by the family of someone who died in the crane incident because they think it was them. And the rest is basically about that but in the end Johnny becomes a vampire and The blond woman (vampire) dies after being shot by Mr Green in the final show down

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  • 9 years ago
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    I like it. It sounds like a good story. I like the fact that the vampire girl can't speak the language, but I don't think Johnny should become one at the end, because it will be too much like Twilight and then you could write more sequels about what he does.

    Are Johnny and Frankie gay? I think it's a very interesting twist to the story.

    Keep writing, it's great!

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