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? asked in Pregnancy & ParentingAdoption · 9 years ago

How can I find a couple in need of a surrogate?

I am living in Minnesota and would love to become a surrogate mother for a couple in need. I would not like to go through an agency, I would prefer to just draw up an agreement with my lawyer but in order to do so I need to find the intended parents first. (: Does anyone know of someone looking for a surrogate mother? I'm willing to work with someone out of state if needed.

6 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Hi Kaitlyn finally got her BFP!,

    Actually, nobody really "needs" a surrogate. There are already children everywhere who need actual homes though. Deliberately getting pregnant with the intention of selling your child in a business transaction, or renting out your uterus in cases where your own egg is not used, is quite distasteful from the child's point of view. (see first link under sources). Every child is born expecting their own mother to be there for them. What you intend to put a child through goes against nature. Don't think that won't have effects on the child & future adult you would be creating & abandoning.

    There are much better ways of making money that don't use you so badly either. Would you do this for free? Doubtful, huh? Think about how the higher classes are exploiting the lower classes' reproductive systems to their own advantage. There are also risks to your own health & future fertility. I urge you to reconsider involvement with that. (see 2nd link for more info on that).

    Just because it may be physically possible to do something, doesn't mean it should be. There are areas where science and the law have not caught up yet with the ethics. Lots of things can & do go wrong. Please think these concerns over very carefully. Thank you,

    julie j

    reunited adult adoptee

    ETA (for "When The Rain Comes" or "Never Give Up" or whatever you change your screen name to next) - For starters, people are NOT gifts to be given away or sold! And I will speak up for the child who has no voice yet. Human flesh should not be a commodity on the market to sell & buy.

    Taking care of a child's needs who is already here, yes, that's beautiful. No, there is nothing "beautiful" about creating a child for the sole purpose of then selling them to meet someone else's needs.

    If an adult decides to donate their blood, or their bone marrow, or their hair, or a kidney, or anything that belongs to only them, that would be another example of something "beautiful," especially if it saves someone else's life. It crosses the ethical line when the donation is of genetic material (eggs, sperm, or even just the use of the uterus) because it no longer involves just them. It involves the future child who is most affected by being involved in this situation & has no say whatsoever. See the difference now? It's not fair to do that to a child.

    And I do happen to know a lot on the topic of ethics. I've been studying it longer than you have been alive. And I already know exactly why you do what you do, too. You want a child. You don't "need" someone else's child. You want them. And you want to buy them. And you're not going to let your conscience or how people who are created this way feel about it, get in the way of you doing what you want. So you try to convince yourself that doing something selfish like this is really "beautiful."

    Sorry, as sad as infertility is, nobody ever died from it. I suggest counseling for you to deal with your losses instead of trying to use someone else in an attempt to replace something that you can never replace.

    Source(s): Read a blog written by someone who was created for the purpose of being sold to another couple: The Center for Bioethics and Culture spotlights the effects on unsuspecting women by the infertility industry
  • 9 years ago

    People, you know why couples want to use a surrogate and not adopt? Because a few days ago there was a post from someone who wanted to try to get their little boy back after he was adopted and was 18 months old. 18 months! A couple had adopted him, loved him and cared for him and they are about to have to fight for him and may have him taken away forever. The adoption world is full of stories of birth parents changing their mind, either right before the birth or after. International adoption as well. And for those of you who want to claim that surrogates want to keep the baby, try again because that almost never happens anymore. And if it does, it is through traditional surrogacy, not gestational. Adoption is a gorgeous, beautiful thing but it can be filled with fear and heartache, so don't condemn people for wanting a baby of their own, that is THEIRS.

  • 6 years ago

    I don't know how long ago this was posted, but my husband and I are looking for a surrogate. We have tried unsuccessfully for almost 4 years. If you are still looking I would love to talk.


  • 9 years ago

    Juli J, if you are so against surrogacy then I suggest you don't do it! And if you are so for adoption then you do it! As an Infertile 21 year old that has been trying to conceive for 3 years I find you insulting. It is a beautiful thing that she is doing and she never made any inclination that it was pearly for money. She can get pregnant and carry a child so she wants to give the gift of a child to another couple. I suggest that you just mind your own business as this does not affect you anyways. you are neither a person carrying or receiving the baby so butt out. If you have not gone through infertility you will NEVER understand! And don't try to! You are the reason that a lot of infertile couples are afraid to speak out, it is because the world is full of ignorant people. Educate yourself about our world before you start making judgments about it and about us and why we do what we do.

    To answer your question you may be able to find some information on or by getting in contact with someone in the organization. Good luck and you are a very selfless person doing a very good thing.

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  • 9 years ago

    Since MN will not enforce such an agreement, I think you should consider that you may need to move to another state if you want to be considered for surrogacy. Also, make sure that they have the funds to cover your maternity care and delivery as most insurance companies will no longer cover surrogate pregnancies.

  • 9 years ago

    Surrogacy is not the noble act you seem to feel it is.

    There are health risks to you, there are far too many children without paretns already in the world who would benefit from adoption.

    There are questionable moral issues involved.

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