Is my wife forgiving me or not after affair. Confusing behavior?

Not sure what to think about my wife's behavior as of late. On the 28th of December I admitted to a brief physical affair after my wife was suspicious. The affair was more a fling than anything and was stupid. It lasted barely two weeks and meant very little in comparison to my wife and kids. I have been extremely apologetic and promised my wife repeatedly it would never happen again. This was the first and only affair that I have admitted to/been caught in. I'm confident it won't happen again. I have been doing everything I can to make it up to my wife. I am truly sorry.

My wife obviously did not take the news of the affair well at all. She hasn't really spoken to me lovingly since I confessed (almost two weeks ago) and our verbal contact is more or less minimal. We are getting back into our routine a little lately but our communication is stressed. I do not want a divorce and my wife hasn't mentioned wanting one since it all happened so I don't think that is going to happen. We have both put in a lot to this marriage and neither of us want it to end. We also have somewhat young children (elementary school aged).

In the last two days we have had sex seven times and it has been amazing each time. This is way out of the norm for us and I am just baffled as to what is going on. My wife is not all that friendly or forgiving in terms of normal behavior but we are being intimate a lot. Does this mean she is forgiving me or has forgiven me?

23 Answers

  • 8 years ago
    Best Answer

    First off you did the right thing by being honest to her. Your spouse is obviously deeply hurt with you and don't believe someone has to love you to have sex with you, she is more than likely using sex as an outlet for anger or whatever feelings she has toward you. Take her away on a cruise or something like that.

  • 3 years ago

    Forgiving An Affair

  • 8 years ago

    You seem to think that your confessing is enough to un-ring that bell...well, I have news for you; You will never be able to un-ring that bell.

    You can't put things back the way they were and two weeks is not enough time for you both the get enough history under your belts to learn to live with it.

    She may have put a lot into the marriage but YOU have not. You spent some of your marriage time giving it to someone else.

    So now you 'confessed' and you want it to all go away.... it will take more than a confession as that is just the start.

    I find you very selfish. When she became suspicious you should have immediately ended the affair and spent all your waking time with your wife and worked at taking all her unease away .You should have made her believe you were not cheating, but, no, you wanted to dump all this crap on her so YOU could be 'forgiven' and have your life back now that you were no longer interested in the other woman.

    You are scum and I hope she can get over you and find a man worthy of her.

    And she will,..... she just needs time.

    Think what a deal it will be for you: no more answering to a marriage and no one will care what you are doing.

    Source(s): lona
  • 8 years ago

    Well she's probably trying to fill the void you obviously went looking for when you had your fling. Why did you do that, anyhow? Not just what were you thinking, but why? There's always a why. You needed an ego boost? You weren't satisfied sexually at home? You were bored? Going through mid-life? Had no will power? Thought the other woman might be "the one". She was an escape from reality? What was it? Before you can expect forgiveness you have to understand in your own foolish head why you fell into the arms of someone else? Because then and only then can you swear it won't happen again. She is probably thinking you are pretty damn weak. Right now she is just trying to be the sexual creature the other woman must have been. But don't think you're home free. There will be backlash. It will take her years to rebuild her trust. There will be questions in the future when you're late; when you go out of town. And you will have to answer them patiently and lovingly because afterall you brought this curse onto yourself and into your marriage. You must live with the outcome however long that takes.

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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Your is going through a broad range of emotions. If you said it was just sex then she is attempting to show you that it's better with her. At the same time it sounds like she is really hurt and angry about the affair. It is probably a feeling of lost of trust and betrayal. She may also feel trapped by the child and other obligations you have along with the feelings of starting over again. I also see that you said you have only told what you have been caught leaving me to believe that there may be other infidelities that have occurred in your relationship you are concealling. She may feel you have not told everything. My recommendation to you is to be loving and patient. Think of all the normal changes a woman goes thru when pregnant shortly after the baby. You had to be patient and loving during this time too. Also, if there have been more infidelities than you have mentioned, I highly recommend professional help. Meanwhile, when a fling while married is labeled a fling it does not sound that bad. When you call it what it truly is, adultery it takes on a deeper meaning. Regardless, be faithful in thought word and deed going forward and your relationship will heal. And be patient.

    Source(s): D Ivan young and wisdom
  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    This Site Might Help You.


    Is my wife forgiving me or not after affair. Confusing behavior?

    Not sure what to think about my wife's behavior as of late. On the 28th of December I admitted to a brief physical affair after my wife was suspicious. The affair was more a fling than anything and was stupid. It lasted barely two weeks and meant very little in comparison to my wife and kids. I...

    Source(s): wife forgiving affair confusing behavior:
  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    She is probably giving you so much sex so you wont cheat on her again. Maybe she doesnt even realize that is what she is trying to do.

    You better treat her right cause she will never forget what you did I can assure you that. She says in words that she forgives you but you hurt her and you can never fill up that piece of her heart you ripped out. I can guarantee it.

    Either that or she could be giving you amazing sex until the divorce papers come so that you know what your about to lose....

    I would have left your *** cause you not only cheated on your wife, but you cheated on your kids too. Any man knows that there is a big possibility their wife is gonna leave them and break up the family. So that you cheated is really messed up and you could have seriously hurt your kids.

    Your a horrible dad and you should be kissing the ground your wife walks on for staying with you.

    It doesnt matter what your wife is doing, it matters what you are doing to make her feel better. And you better do it for years to come cause she will never forget even if she ''forgives''.


  • sonata
    Lv 5
    8 years ago

    I don't think your wife has forgiven you. It takes more than 2 weeks for a woman to forgive such a grievous action by her husband. You should both probably see a professional counselor to help you through this and get her talking again... you will find she has alot to say and most will be angry words in my opinion. re the intimacy, it may just be a test to see if youre being faithful or it may be she's using you or it may be she loves it 'cause now she feels she has the upper hand since you've betrayed her but I don't think it means she's forgiven you.

    I'm surprised to read that you seem somewhat surprised that she hasn't spoken to you "lovingly" since you've confessed... you will find that's going to take a very long time.

    You say this is the first and only affair that you have admitted to/been caught in... how many others have there been? Youre lucky she's still around; she could take you to the cleaners.

  • 8 years ago

    Just coming out of a divorce with a cheater. I would say that she is trying to forgive you and trying to recapture any passion. You said it's only been 2 weeks since you told her it is way too soon for her to forgive you completely it will take a lot of time maybe months who knows years. When my ex tried to say he wanted things to be better he offered marriage counseling maybe you should offer this on top of everything that's going on. Try to plan a trip just the two of you too shown herhow sorry you are and that's how much shedoes mean you. Put in all honesty time will show her more. Something you say that worries me though you say you were confident it will never happen again but you need to be completely sure. I think this only because I know what it feels like to be put her shoes... It is the worst pain imaginable in a marriage Other than death of a spouse. But again in all honesty prepare that maybe things are going to get worse before they get better. I know that when I found out I tried with all my heart and passions to make things right ... even though I wasn't the 1 who committed adultery. I too felt like every time we made love it was euphoric. But looking back now I know that it was all the passion I had left to give. In a sense it was almost a better sweet way of saying goodbye. I don't say this to make you lose hope but I say this to try and push you to save anything if anything keep your family if that is what you want also for your children. I wish you the best and I pray god blesses you in your marriage.

    Source(s): Experience ...
  • 8 years ago

    interesting you say...

    This was the first and only affair that I have admitted to/been caught in. I'm confident it won't happen again.

    so the first you have ADMITTED to, sounds like you regularly cheat on your wife. do her and your children a favor and let her find someone who treats her well and actually loves and is devoted to her. you sound like a selfish, manipulative liar who just got caught with his pants down. do your family a favor and leave them alone. im sure you feel confident you wont get caught obviously plan to repeat the offense, and will get sloppy again (or maybe some kind of universal justice will step in) and your wife will find out you are a liar and a cheater at heart. i hope you at least used a condom to prevent infecting your wife with any STD's or the joy of the news of an unplanned child with your fling.

    your wife is heartbroken and trying to find a way to justify staying with such a loser. im sure she wants to stay for the children and is terribly confused. trust has been broken, doubt you'll ever, ever be able to regain it. ultimate betrayal.

  • Anonymous
    6 years ago

    You should really check out Michael Fiore's video. It's about how to make up with your ex text messages. It's crazy but it works, I never believed I could get back with my ex wife in this life time but it did happened. I cheated on her a lot of times and still we are back together (won't do it again), unbelievable what some psychology can do.

    Anyway, watch the video here: - it will blow your mind. Good luck!

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