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Is my college essay good?

Essay A (required, maximum 500 words)

The University of Colorado Boulder’s Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching, research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in

which we live.

Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive

community, and what are your hopes for your college experience?

The University of Colorado Boulder has students from all over the world with different ethnicities and beliefs. It definitely meets my needs because as it says in their website it has a reputation for world class teaching , research , and service to society. Reputation is really important as it reflects the university as a whole. It has been ranked number one in Peace Corps alumni volunteers in 2010. Therefore, these facts made me more motivated for applying to CU-Boulder.

I believe I can enrich your diverse and inclusive community in many ways. I am a diplomats daughter and I have lived in Senegal,Czech Republic,Pakistan,and Canada. It has been a great experience because I have learned about different cultures and traditions and met different people. This experience made me open my eyes and realize that all human beings are different in the way they think or view things and that can cause controversy between people that do not view the same beliefs or do not obtain similar values. On the other hand, every single individual should be treated equally to others and not be treated as minors just because they are different. I am known as a good listener, I do not judge others based on their ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation. I am a Muslim girl from Kuwait I have a different culture and tradition that I could bring with me when I come to the States. I am currently part of the Green Club at my school where we care about the environment and raise money for countries in Africa like Swaziland. I am also a member of the National Honors Society where we strive for academic excellence and at the same time do community service to help improve our community and give them a helping hand. I think it would be fun to learn about other cultures and traditions because I believe that a diverse community is crucial in education because it enhances social development and makes us ready for the future.

My hopes for my college experiences is to be enrolled in the architectural engineering program because not all colleges have this major. There are only fifteen colleges in the United States that offer this course as a major and I would like to take this course at The University of Colorado. Moreover, I have heard that it is known for its engineering program. I would also want to achieve an academic excellence in that field because when I go back home I would make my parents proud because I have fulfilled my dream by achieving a Bachelors Degree in Architectural Engineering. I would also like to experience a safe community with open minded people that do not judge me on my beliefs and values, and coming from a diverse school in my country I can say that this particular university can help me reach my goals because of its well-rounded community and diverse culture that it offers.

4 Answers

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  • Lily
    Lv 4
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Yes! Great job, I hope you get into the college. Best of luck.

    Source(s): Me
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  • L
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    Overall, good. Like the Boulder alum said, watch your punctuation and grammar.

    Skip the "made me," as in "made more more motivated." Just say "motivated me." It's stronger and less redundant since you use the phrase several times.

    Break your second graph up; it's quite a block of text.

    Do you judge people based on their gender? (Just kidding; I am sure you don't, but if you're going to list, you need to be careful you don't leave something out. It might be better to leave it at "I try not to judge people when they differ from me" or something like that.)

    Use numerals for 10 and over - therefore, it's "15 colleges in the United States."

    I think it's "National Honor Society" (not "Honors," though it might be different where you are.)

    FYI, CU-Boulder is No. 1 with PC recruits as of 2011, not 2010: http://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=resource... So it "is ranked No. 1," not "has been."

    At the end, don't say "this particular university." Say "the University of Colorado at Boulder." It personalizes it.

    Good luck.

    Source(s): RPCV and an editor
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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    It's a decent essay--just a few mistakes in punctuation. As long as you have the grades and test scores, your essay will suffice for CU Boulder (however, the engineering program is more difficult to get into).

    Best of luck!

    Source(s): Accepted to CU fall 2010 + many of my high school friends attend CU
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  • 8 years ago

    Good? It's great! I could never have written such a nice essay.

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