Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 8 years ago

how can i improve my confidence, self esteem and reduce my shyness?

i am 18 and am very awkward in social situations. how can i change this?

7 Answers

  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    by improving it

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago


    I used to be the same as this all the while I was growing up. I am now 18, and my self esteem and confidence has improved so much! It is really important not to get angry with yourself for not turning into a really confident person overnight - because to be confident, you have to accept yourself the way you are (which means accepting that you are not really confident at the moment!)

    There has been some resources I found on my own accord, that have really helped me. This includes:

    -Mindfulness meditation - helps you to become aware of the present moment and accept it e.g. if you were in a social situation and getting panicky, then it would help you to be aware of this but ACCEPT it, rather than start panicking about the fact that you are panicking!

    -Thought challenging: this is recommended by actual therapists (doesn't mean you're crazy though don't worry!) its about realising when you are having a thought that is negative (e.g. he/she doesn't like me) and challenging it (what evidence do I have for this thought?)

    - Susan Jeffers - a really well known self help author, her books, especially 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' really helped me see things in a more positive, confident light and it has great reviews! It teaches you that fear is not a sign to back down, but a sign to move forward and conquer it! I still practice daily affirmations (daily positive thinking) because it really helped alter my perspective for the better - details on all of it is included in the book!

    Just understand that building self confidence is a personal, and sometimes lengthy, journey. But you can get there! And also remember that a little shyness is NORMAL - don't strive to be shyness free or something. Everyone feels fear and lacks confidence sometimes - its just that some people let it stop them, and some don't.

    I have included links to some of the resources I mentioned that helped me. Have a look, and good luck! :D

    Source(s): A really great book on Mindfulness (the CD really helped me!): Thought challenging: Feel the fear and do it anyway:
  • 8 years ago

    I'm exactly like you, the main problem for being shy is being overweight (I am). don't know if you are, if so then losing weight will drastically change this and make you confident. If it's nothing to do with your weight then the cure is more difficult, I'm nearly 21 and you don't want to go down the route I did and close yourself off to the world and become a recluse apart from going to work. The problem gets worse and you hate leaving the house. It is better to nip this problem in the bud early. It all depends on how much you want to interact with people. The easiest way is to put yourself in social situations by going out with a friend doing something like playing snooker, bowling etc. Although your only interacting with your friend your getting used to the people around you and being out in public.

    Self esteem is measured in how you look at yourself, judging you personality and appearance and seeing how that compares to the people around you. If you see yourself as a timid person or ugly etc it reflects on your shyness etc. Alot of the time you have to just think "**** it". I did that around 6 months ago when some scum started calling me fat in public so for the first time in my life I let go of all my nervousness and timidness and challenged him, "I'd ******* sort your face out first before you go calling anyone fat you ******* midget" I said, he was in a group so naturally this was the reason why he felt he had to start trying to be "rock hard". I then said "come on then stop walking away backwards, come and fight me if your so tough". Naturally like the coward he was he daren't come near me.

    The point I am trying to make is that we all have it within ourselves to change who we are and put ourselves in uncomfortable situations, it is how we choose to act and how brave we appear to be that reflects upon how the rest of the world sees us.

    Although my heart was beating 3 times as fast and I was actually so scared about making a public scene, to the world I appeared to be strong, brave and in control. Feel free to act or be confident, don't bow to shyness, live life confidently, the world doesn't know how you feel inside your body and mind. The world's a stage... use it.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Take a risk. Its the same as jumping off a mountain. At the top, you'd think about how high up you are, the anxiety you'd experience if you jumped off, the possibility of never getting home, but you'd never think about what lied at the bottom of the mountain. You may ponder this and feel that nothing good will come of leaping off this cliff, but there is also a chance that something good may come out of it. It may surprise you. You could end up landing in a ball pit, landing on a trampoline, being whisked to the ground by a noble eagle, and not plummeting to your death. Sure in reality the probability of dying is substantially larger than the other possibilities I mentioned, but risks you normally take in life aren't usually life or death situations such as hurdling off cliff. So if you think about it, you can jump off as many mountains as you like. You'll eventually hop off so many mountains, that you'll know what to expect at the bottom. It may even become enjoyable. Hope the metaphor helped.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    8 years ago


    Get yourself an alter ego. Create someone who is perfect, who doesn't care about what everyone say and who is even sometimes a little mean. Call your alter ego It. It is confident and "bad cop".

    You, Q, are good cop. Shy and self concious. Sometimes It comes out and is mean to your family, your friends. Q is too shy to stop him, thus leaving It.

    But eventally, Q decides enough is enough, and starts to make plans to get rid of It. It founds out and you guys have a big fight. It threatens to kill you!

    So just before he takes control, you decide to fight back. Use your plan.

    Eleminate It! In the end, you will have a lot more confidence and be able to go through life happy :D

  • 8 years ago

    Just seriously don't care what people think, walk out of the house everyday in a way where you won't be insecure. Talk to everybody, always think of the positive.

  • 8 years ago

    I'm 29 and I'm still the same way.. My new years resolution is to change all that..

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.