Had a row with gay son, we're now not speaking.?
My problem is that recently I realised there was something not quite right about my son's behaviour. It was hard to define what was "wrong" with it, but it was just out of character. So before the school holidays (roughly 2 weeks ago) I decided I would look through his things, just to see if there was anything that would help me. My son has always been a liar to me, so I knew if I asked him what was wrong, I wouldn't get an honest answer. In his room I found nothing of interest, or anything that would be of concern. I did find 2 empty packets of Marlboro Reds, and was mad at that. Although I smoke, I always insisted he never start it. But then, later on I realised I forgot to look in one last place - under his bed. So I returned to his room and looked under his bed, and found something that simply made my heart sink. A "gay porn" magazine, condoms (must be sexually active), and also a book called “how to deal with being LGBT”. But then, after spending a long time thinking about it, I thought "could have been left by a girlfriend or perhaps a gay friend".
By now, I had to go and collect him from school. I arrived at school around 1500, only to remember today was "after school Rugby". I then thought "ok, I have 1 hour to kill, I'll go up and see if I can speak to a teacher to see if they’ve realised anything strange about him recently”. When I got up to the school office I explained my situation, to which the lady behind the desk told me “after school Rugby stopped in November”. I was dumbfounded. My son was, yet again, lying to me.
I ran back to my car, grabbed my mobile phone and tried to establish contact with him. His phone was switched off. I then drove home and thought "maybe he's just with friends". But I was so stressed. I'm not an idiot, so knew he was doing something I couldn't know about. Drugs was my main concern, but nothing would have prepared me for what I saw later in the day.
I got home and I went out and sat in the back garden off my house, and smoked about 20 cigarettes in the space of an hour. I was just so mad, so as usual turned to the drink. The back garden of my house backs onto the sea/beach, and there's a "secret" (as my son calls it) entrance/exit. I heard rustling and whispering coming from there, and thought that was strange. I went down, and found my son STRADDLED (for want of a better word) naked on top of another naked guy. I threw my glass of vodka at them (it hit his partner) and dropped my cigarettes out of shock, and went into the house, locking him out. I cried; and crying for me is rare. I own my own business, and you have to have a tough personality to be successful, so crying is completely out of character for me. I then got stuck into my vodka; I just felt depressed. 2 bottles of Vodka later at 2200hrs that night, my son arrived at the door. He came in, and yes I know I reacted badly here so don’t lecture me, but I went off on one at him. WHY wasn’t he honest with me? WHY did I get him as my son? He then called me a “prick” and how he wished he had never been born – I have given him one of the most privileged upbringings that would only be seen in wealthy people. I couldn't contain myself (blame the drink) so I grabbed him by his throat, pinned him up against the wall and punched him under the jaw twice, and squeezed his throat for 10 seconds or so, screaming at him. I was mad. But then I felt extremely bad at what I did and apologised, but he still had the nerve to mouth off at me. I then said that I hated him, he was a mistake and should have been aborted; I also told him that he had to leave. He has since been staying at his mum’s house. My ex-wife (his mum, and also mother of my other 2 sons) and I are still good friends, so we’ve agreed she would keep him from now on. My ex-wife knew from my son was FOURTEEN that he was gay! My son has been lying to me for FOUR years!! I was also surprised my ex-wife kept this from me as, like I said, we are still very close.
I haven’t seen him since then - that was 2 weeks ago. Why has he lied to me? Why can't he be like my other two sons who are married? I feel bad and disgusted at what I did; I drank over 2 bottles of vodka when I punched him and would never EVER do that sober. I have no problems with gays; I deal with them quite a lot in work and 2 of my employees are lovely gay people. I can't discuss this with my employees for obvious reasons. It's just the lies my son's told me. No parent wants to find out their son is gay by finding them naked on top of another guy in their own garden.
What should I do? Have any of you guys on here been treat