What the **** am i doing wrong here!?
Theres this guy i know ..I probably know him better than anyone else but if you look at my other question, You`ll understand(but you can probably still understand just from this question)...anyways...We were like BFFS and i fell for him an dhe fell for me when he had a gf..they broke up and he PROMISED me about 3-4 times that he would go out with me...well...that was a lie i guess cause 2 days later he started dating a girl he dated before his last gf.....and..i cut myself.
Well i told him and he was pissed/mad/sad...He said "WTF? You promised me you wouldnt cut yourself)":" i texted back sayin' "well i cut myself because you broke your promise to me!!" Then he said "But the promise you made to me was physical, so i could protect you." HE NEVER says things like that, it was VERY unuasul, normally hes more i dont care-ish about things with me but he said it like it meant something..then it got really wierd...he started telling me his FEELINGS!? He is NOT the soft type but anyways i was trying to tell him "do you even know how i feel when i fight with you everytime you break my heart?" he said "no but i know how i feel! When you cuss at me and stuff it hurts it really does.." i said "im sorry..i had no idea" cuz usually he fights back and cusses so i dont notice that im hurting him...i feel like he doesnt give a ****...Can you please tell me why he started being more open? normally hes a complete rock when it comes to feelings<___< idk..now im depressed becuz i know hes out and about with his gf and textin her and she even tells me "well maybe he doesnt wanna be your friend" and "GET OVER HIM!!!!" ...it makes me feel like hes forgotten about me...): he used to hug and kiss me with his old gf...yeah cheated but still..i loved him to much to say no....
He says hes over me but i cant stop remembering all our times together...the first time he said he liked me...that one time...him and his gf broke up(they broke up a million times) and he was sooo sad and depressed...i sat beside him, grabbed his arm and pulled his hand to mine, he let go and tried to keep me from doing it again(i guess he was just afraid) so..i looked into his eyes and he grabbed my hand...then he let go out of fear again(it was wierd) so i told him "its okay to let go, you proved how much you care"...that night he told me he was inlove with me. When i went to his house and every moment he could he would kiss me and cuddle with me(he had to make sure his family wasnt looking cuz this is when he had his old gf)....we had..this connection, just a week ago he said he stilll loved me...then when he says 3 days later(he was with his gf textin mee) "u know im over u".........how could that be?why is it so easy? Please dont say hes a player cuz I KNOW we had../have... a connection...Please tell me what to do i am SO confused/depressed/destroyed...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
- PixiepLv 69 years agoFavorite Answer
Look, you can believe what you WANT to believe or you can take off the rose colored glasses and see the truth.
This guy NEVER really loved you. This is what players do. It is a classic example. OF COURSE a guy who wants to cheat on his girlfriend is going to try to make you feel special. If he told you the TRUTH (that he just wants a piece on the side) you would NEVER have gone for it. The people who want to screw you over are not going to tell you that. If he didn't have the ability to pull out the charm when he needed to then he wouldn't ever get away with it.
If the guy really liked you, YOU would be his girlfriend now. HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THIS? If he REALLY had a connection he would have left her and gotten with you. I bet if you had any real conversations with these girls you guys would realize he has been telling ALL of you a bunch of cr*p. People who "LOVE" people don't go date someone else, this isn't f*cking rocket science.
Now, the cutting, I use to cut too. I KNOW that more then anything this behavior is attention seeking. If it wasn't you wouldn't tell anyone about it.
He is being nice to you, being open about his "feelings" because you FORCED him into a corner. I mean REALLY, there is nothing more sad/pathetic then threatening self harm to get someone to be with you. I mean why would WANT someone to be nice to you only because you made them feel sorry and worried for you?
I see those things as a manipulation and a DESPERATE one at that. What are you suppose to say when someone claims their hurting themselves because of your actions? Is he suppose to make him self feel for you when he doesn't? Maybe he "lied" maybe he changed his mind like so many other people your age do. You succeeded in making him feel guilty, and yeah, he may be nice to you because you sound suicidal but that is the only reason.
Desperation looks good on NO ONE. It is a very unattractive trait. You should NEVER base your happiness on someone else. If you rely on others to make you happy then you will ALWAYS be disappointed. Not to mention no one really wants a partner that doesn't love them selves and is confident in themselves.
I have so been there and done that. I have been you. I am disgusted with myself when I look back on the times I behaved like you are now. I am now 26 and I GET IT but it took me a long time.
This guy IS a player. The connection you shared was one sided. He is going to cheat on whatever girlfriend he has, so just feel sorry for the one who gets him and be glad that you are SMARTER then that.
When a guy that has a girlfriend hits on you he is basically asking if you don't mind being second string. He is in a relationship so he isn't capable of giving you more so he is saying he thinks your not worth that. It isn't a compliment.
Good luck girl. Be the girl who told him to f*ck off instead of the one of MANY that will keep eating up his lies.
Remember, if it looks like sh*t, smells like sh*t, taste like sh*t it is SH*T!!!! If he acts like a jerk, cheats on his girl friends, lies to you HE ISN'T PRINCE F*CKING CHARMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALSO his depression is a way for him to act sad to prevent you from being mad at him. like oh, feel sorry for me so you don't notice all the stupid sh*t I am doing. THAT is another reason he is acting all sad.
- ?Lv 49 years ago
Girl, he's so not worth your time. He can't make up his mind on how he feels about you, he's cheated on his previous gf with you, and then he doesn't want to hold hands even though you kiss and hug already. Are these girls he's dating even special? Or are they just the 3 month gfs he meets randomly?
And to answer your question:"why is he opening up to me all of a sudden?" Its either because he trusts you, or he's depressed and you happen to be there when he lets it out. It also sounds like he has mixed feelings for you. Does he always confess to you after a break up or when he's having problems with his current gf? That should tell you something right there. It could be hormones and the fact that a girl is telling him she loves him and makes him feel good rather than him loving you for you.
You have to decide if he's even worth liking or even being friends with. Are you going to keep playing this "I love you, hey I got a new gf, I change my mind, I don't love you..wait I do!" game of his, or is he going to make a move and make it happen, or are you going to just stay friends?
That's the best advice I can give.
Ps.Never ever cut yourself over a guy. It won't solve your problems or bring him to your side.
- 9 years ago
Is this my daughter??? Seriously this sounds EXACTLY word for word like my kid!
No, I know its not but still.
Here's what I tell her.
1st: what were you doing 6 months ago at this EXACT time?
2nd: what will you be doing next year at EXACTLY this time?
I'll tell you what you won't be doing: worrying about this particular prob. You won't even remember it so why are you giving it so much control over you now?
Stop it! And if this is the first time you cut then you better educate yourself quick cause you will do it again and you'll end up hating yourself for it.
Only you can make yourself happy, no one else.
And STOP IT!!!!!!!Source(s): Oh and she cut too. Just so you know.