Separated from marriage of 3 yrs with 2 kids, now prego with another mans baby, any Legal advice?

Okay, I know I am going to get some judgmental people commenting on my question, but all I ask is some decent advice no bs like, "here some advice, close your legs, and blah blah blah." Look, I'm in a tight situation and I have no one to talk to so help me out here.

About a month ago, I found out I am pregnant with my 3rd child. This was not intended since I was on an awesome birth control " The Miraina ". I had two years left before it needed to be replaced, and according to the nurses, they couldn't find it, they think it may have fallen out some time ago without me knowing about it. Anyway, the problem is, I have been separated from my ex-husband for 3 years. Yes, I am still married, and my other two children are from him. I have been desperately trying to get a divorce from him since the day we split up, and he keeps coming up with excuses why he can't sign papers, or no money for a divorce. So I called legal aid yesterday to file. I filed not pregnant and as irreconcilable differences. He's in the Military just finishing up basic, and he didn't want me to file for divorce till around May, but I am running out of time. my ex does not know I am pregnant by my bf, nor does his family. The only person that knows is my bf's father. We are even keeping it quiet from his mother and brother, because I don't particularly get along with her and his brother would tell his mom. I'm afraid of word getting out to my ex if she found out. I have no family to talk to about my situation so this is why I am asking Yahoo Answers, because I know there are some people that have been in my situation before and or someone wise enough to give me some advice about this hell I got myself into.

So, my question is, am I doing this the right way? I know lying is not awesome, but I'm honest to god scared that If they find out I will loose custody of my other two girls. My oldest daughter does not live with me now because her paternal grandmother has general guardian ship of her, I still do everything I can to see and be with her and I was on my way of getting her back until this happened, now I have taken a step backwards. My youngest daughter lives with us. I haven't told the kids either. I so desperately want to, but again afraid of what the horrible outcome may turn out to be. What do you think I should do? My bf wants to have the baby, and he wants to be in my other two children's lives as well. This is his first child after all. He has even thought about getting a second job in order to provide for the family. Should we continue to keep this a secret, and fight for the divorce, or do you think that there might be an understanding if we explain the situation to my ex, his mom, and my bf's mom? My bf refuses for the baby's last name to be my ex's and I don't want him to have to pay unnecessary child support for a child that isn't his. Please help. And thank you for all your sincere advice.

9 Answers

  • Ranger
    Lv 7
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Custody is decided on what is best for the children. Their father is in the service and will not be available to care for them and raise them for long stretches at a time, especially when he is deployed to a foreign land. His chances of getting custody is almost nil. You would almost have to be a Crack Using Serial Killer before you were denied custody.

    Do expect him to get liberal visitation and even times during the year when they will stay with him for a few weeks. The courts have a tendency to allow absentee parents in the service more time to get to know their kids when it is requested.

    Why haven't you gone to an attorney before now? You can obtain a divorce without his consent. The court can order him to sign, and if he doesn't, the court can issue a decree without his agreement.

    Are you on his military medical insurance? You will loose that when you divorce. Be sure to ask the court to order the continuance of the military medical care for the children.

    Source(s): 32 yrs. in the justice system.
  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    Custody is based on the best interest of the children not whether or not you're pregnant. They can't take away your children due to your sex life unless it impacts the care or safety of the kids. The only time they can take away children is if you are deemed unfit or unsafe to the children or you cannot provide for them.

    You can get a divorce without your husband signing, but it will take longer. You would have been better off with putting pregnant on the petition.

    In some states if you are married when you give birth your husband is the legal father of the baby regardless of whether or not he is the biological father and your husband would have legal rights to this baby.

  • teach
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    Copy and paste this at They have custody boards.

    First, courts do not care if you are pregnant, Happens ALL the time. You will not loose your kids and still can get older one back. Just because you are pregnant does not mean really anything these days. The only thing that may interfere is that you have his baby and not be divorced because the baby will be considered your ex's as you are still married. This is easy to be fixed by having a paternity test after baby is born. Tell your lawyer that you are pregnant and let them take it from there.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    You need to get a divorce. I don't know what state you live in and maybe it's different than mine. But all you have to do is file and have him served. He needs to respond and if he doesn't then the divorce goes through on your terms by default.

    Your boyfriend is going to have trust issues with you if you don't do this for him.

    Also, your husband is presumed to be the legal father of your unborn child. Legal action is required for this to be changed. You will not lose custody of your other children over this. Don't let anybody scare you about it.

    Do the right thing for your new child and its father. Whatever repercussions may arise are going to have to be dealt with. Ignoring them will create other ones that will only complicate things more.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I find it mildly amusing that you have a man who is fukcing someone else's wife, impregnates her and is "even" willing to take on a second job.

    You need to find out what the laws are where you live. In some states you are legally bound to provide your husband's name regardless of what you want to do.

    I think that the fact that the two of you dragged out this divorce for the most likely reasons of housing or some sort of coverage is coming to bite you in the a55.

    I find it incredulous that you don't live with one of your children. MOTHER FIRST- men later.

    I think you a/ figure out how to get your children living with you

    b/ work on divorce asap- even if you need to pay for it all

    c/ figure out how you are going to support yourself and two of your children without asking the rest of society to do it.

    d/ make a plan for further education or updating job skills during your pregnancy so you can afford the third one

    e/ remind your bf that he may not have a choice regarding the last name of his child since he didn't bother to learn the laws where he lives. You all may need to deal with that after the divorce.

    Make a plan and work the plan- stop relying on just getting by. It's time.

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    Ur a whore a piss of **** of a wife burn in hell for what u have to other with ur poor excuse cuz u cheat that man and ****** his life up You definitely committed adulty. Poor guy went tho lots for ur stupid whore ***

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Honestly, advising you to keep your legs closed is not ******** advice.

  • 9 years ago

    I think instead of legal advice you should be seeking spiritual advice...

  • Guido
    Lv 5
    9 years ago


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