Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Education & ReferenceFinancial Aid · 9 years ago

Can you help me proofread my financial aids letter?

This is still in a draft form but I was hoping you can help me read through it and give me some pointers? Thanks if you can. Yes I will be providing the documents for the things I say. Also I want to insert that I have double vision which makes my studies a bit difficult but (I am getting a surgery for it) I was wondering how I can insert that into my letter so they can see I have struggled with 2 difficulties. Once again thanks.

Dear Financial Aid Committee,

My name is ___________, I am writing this appeal in regards to Not meeting satisfactory grade point average for which my financial aid is suspended. In the spring 2009, I was diagnosed with Major Depression. Since the spring 2009, I have been dealing with the symptoms of my depression such as difficulty concentrating, lack of energy, low motivation to get anything done, trouble sleeping and relentlessness. My treatment began in the spring 2009, since then I have been put on medication. It took some time in order for the doctors to give me a medication that would be effective for me, which wasn't until the winter 2010. But those medication stopped working so I decided to seek other ways to help myself. In summer of 2011 I got myself a decent job and I started taking care of my body and I found god, eventually I started to feel happy and had a better outlook on life and I wanted to finish my college and get myself a good career.

Sincerely,

_________________

5 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I'll give it a shot, darling - after all, editing is what I do for a living...and I'd love to help!

    "Dear Financial Aid Committee,

    My name is ___________, and I am writing to you to appeal a decision suspending my financial aid due to my unsatisfactory grade point average in the ________ semester.

    In the spring of 2009, I was diagnosed with Major Depression. Since that time, I have been dealing with the symptoms of my depression, including difficulty concentrating, lack of energy and motivation to finish tasks, difficulty sleeping, and restlessness. Although my treatment has included medication since my initial diagnosis, it took until the winter of 2010 to find a medication that was effective for me. However, that medication stopped working as well as it had done initially, and I decided to seek alternative ways to help myself.

    In the summer of 2011, I found a good job, started taking better care of my physical fitness and health, including obtaining treatment for double vision (which contributed to my scholastic difficulties), and have found god. As a result of these life changes, I have begun to have a better outlook, and am far more optimistic and focused than I have been for some time. I am also better able to finish tasks, and I feel that my depression, which has hampered my schooling in the past, has begun to recede.

    I am hoping to finish college and establish a good career, and am asking for your help in obtaining the financial aid I need to continue my education.

    I have tried, and am continuing to try to address the many issues that led to my unsatisfactory grade point average, and, as a result, I ask you to reconsider the suspension of my financial aid. I have attached documents supporting my statements for your reference.

    Thank you for your consideration.

    Very Truly Yours,"

    (((((House Izinda Hizzy)))))

    Good luck, darling!!

  • 9 years ago

    I just took the whole thing and edited it. You may use it if you like =) ((((housey))))

    My name is ___________, I am writing this appeal in regards to not meeting the satisfactory grade point average for which my financial aid is suspended. In Spring 2009, I was diagnosed with Depression. Since then, I have been dealing with the symptoms of my depression such as difficulty concentrating, lack of energy, low motivation, trouble sleeping and relentlessness. My treatment began in the Spring of 2009 and I have been placed on medication. It took some time in order for the doctors to give me a medication that would be effective for me, which wasn't until Winter of last year [2010]. The medication had stopped working so I decided to seek other ways to help myself. During Summer of 2011, I found myself a decent job and I started living a healthier lifestyle. Eventually, I started to feel happier and I now have a better outlook on life. My goal is to finish college, obtain a degree and find myself a solid career.

    Sincerely,

    __________________

    Source(s): **My comments: Sorry for hashing out some of your words. I hope you like my version of it. And yes, the Fin Aid committee wouldn't care if you found God. So I 86'ed that. Seasons are to be capitalized too . @Tofu: I couldn't tell if he meant restlessness or relentlessness. They both kinda worked though. Not sure which one he meant...
  • 9 years ago

    Here you go. I put * around anything I changed.

    My name is ___________, I am writing this appeal in regards to *n*ot meeting satisfactory grade point average for which my financial aid is suspended. In the spring 2009, I was diagnosed with Major Depression. Since the spring 2009, I have been dealing with the symptoms of my depression such as difficulty concentrating, lack of energy, low motivation *, trouble sleeping and *restlessness*. My treatment began in the spring 2009, since then I have been put on medication. It took some time in order for the doctors to give me * medication that would be effective for me, which wasn't until the winter *of* 2010. But those medication*s stopped working so I decided to seek other ways to help myself. In summer of 2011 I got myself a decent job and I started taking care of my body and I found god, eventually I started to feel happy.* I *now* have* a better outlook on life and I want* to finish * college and get myself a good career.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    "Not" should be lower case, no comma necessary after the first "spring 2009". Don't start a sentence with "but", instead try "however," <---comma and all, and it should be "those medications", not "those medication". The statement about finding God is not necessary, just knowing that you are getting your life back in order should be good enough, but incase you do want to keep it, I suggest capitalizing God. Last sentence: "Eventually I started to feel happy and now I have a better outlook on life and I want to finish college and have the educational foundation I need for a good career."

    Hope this helps!

    Edit: Also, if you needed to could you provide documentation that you were diagnosed with depression?

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Aunty knows

  • fill in the first blank with "cumguzzler" and the second blank with "semenspitter"

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