Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 9 years ago

Ok I started a poem type deal..... Need help finishing it.?

(My pain is slielent

My thoughts are deep

I can't believe your not with me.)

4 Answers

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  • Drew
    Lv 6
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    You're pain isn't silent, because you're talking about it now. If your thoughts are deep, we should be able to tell by hearing them. You don't need to tell us.

    So I'd say cut your first two lines and start with your third. It's definitely stronger. You could go on and say stuff about why exactly it is that you miss whoever it is, the particulars of your situation, etc. I don't know if it's someone who is dead or just, you know, on vacation. I'm going to write some verse here to sort of give you an idea what I mean:

    I can't believe you're not with me.

    Every day you're away I pray that maybe

    I'll open my eyes and see you

    In your material beauty.

    And every day you elude me.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    (Every night, I think of you

    Your face, your voice, your sweet tune

    Where are you? Where have you gone?

    Where is that person who would sing that song?

    Where are you now? Are you near?

    I know that in my heart I long to hear

    The joy and laughter

    Not the heartbreaking disaster)

    Not very good but that's what came off the top of my head. I'm not sure if it fits the theme but still, it came off the top of my head, lol.

  • 9 years ago

    I made a different version...

    My pain is hushed,

    My thoughts are in depth,

    Time seems to have rushed,

    For your not here with me anymore. (or for you have left me)

  • 9 years ago

    want to pet my sheep

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