Ok I started a poem type deal..... Need help finishing it.?
(My pain is slielent
My thoughts are deep
I can't believe your not with me.)
- DrewLv 69 years agoFavorite Answer
You're pain isn't silent, because you're talking about it now. If your thoughts are deep, we should be able to tell by hearing them. You don't need to tell us.
So I'd say cut your first two lines and start with your third. It's definitely stronger. You could go on and say stuff about why exactly it is that you miss whoever it is, the particulars of your situation, etc. I don't know if it's someone who is dead or just, you know, on vacation. I'm going to write some verse here to sort of give you an idea what I mean:
I can't believe you're not with me.
Every day you're away I pray that maybe
I'll open my eyes and see you
In your material beauty.
And every day you elude me.
- Anonymous9 years ago
(Every night, I think of you
Your face, your voice, your sweet tune
Where are you? Where have you gone?
Where is that person who would sing that song?
Where are you now? Are you near?
I know that in my heart I long to hear
The joy and laughter
Not the heartbreaking disaster)
Not very good but that's what came off the top of my head. I'm not sure if it fits the theme but still, it came off the top of my head, lol.
- ✰ Nιcσℓє ✰Lv 79 years ago
I made a different version...
My pain is hushed,
My thoughts are in depth,
Time seems to have rushed,
For your not here with me anymore. (or for you have left me)
- 9 years ago
want to pet my sheep