My family life is so different from my social life?

Since the beginning of summer break I've been smoking a lot of pot, almost every day. As I smoked more and more it seemed like smoking marijuana was opening a door to a more interesting life, a life better than the one I was discontent with. Idea's always blossomed in my head, I came to understand so much about the world because of it, and I met and became friends with so many interesting people. Yup, I was digging this feeling, but now I'm caught in a predicament.

Life at home is extremely different from my social life. My parents don't do drugs, they're two very loving people, and I love them so much because of how much they support me. When I was always bitching back when I was 15 because I had an extreme depression case, I always got extremely angry and would break things around the house. My friends would think my depression was a joke, but my parents didn't. They knew what was wrong with me and helped me as soon as possible. They supported me and help me through it. I had a therapist for awhile, and now I take prescriptions. And now I hate taking the prescriptions! Because I guess it seems like pot is a better medicine for me, but I know it's against everything they told me! And that's whats bugging me so much! Marijuana makes me so happy, and I love my parents to death! I feel like mind is caught in a rock and a hard place. Like I have to choose one life style over the other and there is no possible way they can intertwine. I don't know what to do and this feeling is killing me inside, every time I think about it I try as hard as I can to hold my tears because I'm lying to my parents! They view me as their child with so much integrity, they're always proud of me, always happy for me, they sacrificed so much for my siblings and I, and have worked so hard for us to live the average but peaceful lifestyle we have. We could have been worse but they pulled through the cracks! And here I mean stomping on their trust by enjoying something that has given me such great knowledge!? I understand so much and I always work hard when I'm high, it helps me bear doing my homework, projects don't seem so tedious, pot has really helped me to become a harder worker and that's why I've been getting good grades in school and meeting my parents standards. Please could anyone help me with this overwhelming guiltiness that I feel? It hurts inside so much that it's eating me away and I don't know how to stop it? Could someone please help?

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
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    I guess my life in school and at home are totally differant aswell ( btw I don't smoke or do drugs or drink alchol or have sex cause I am 13)

    but I mean the way I act and speak at school I would NEVER do it at home, my parents only know about 70% of me. And so I have my social life which is fine and then I have family life which is fine. And they are both kept well away from each other and I keep up my grades in school and do my extra ciriculum stuff so everyone is happy and two lives are a same distance from eachother.

    Buy don't get me wrong, I trust my mum and dad and they trust me and they are finding out more stuff about me all the time like my social life ;)

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