What is the best way to deal with toddler tantrums?

I have a 2 year old girl and a 7 week old girl. Since the new baby was born 7 weeks ago, my 2 year old has had these rageful tantrums off and on all day every day. I know it's probably jealousy and some insecurity but I am careful to give her lots of attention. I ask her to help me with the new baby which she does. I spend as much time with her as possible. I don't know what else to do to avoid these fits and not sure how to handle them when they happen. She throws things, hits me and screams. It's usually over something small then she can't calm herself down. I usually just sit with her quietly and don't show any reaction until she's finished. But the problem is I get up every morning dreading the day with these screaming tantrums all day. I keep thinking the way she screams, if the neighbors hear her they might even think she is being hurt and call the police. That's how hysterical she gets. What can I do to keep them from happening so much or is this just something I need to wait for her to grow out of? she would have the occasional tantrum but since her new sister was born, they are daily!

3 Answers

  • asrai
    Lv 7
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Here's how to tame those toddler tantrums:

    1. Sidestep power struggles. You don't have to prove you're right. Your child is trying to assert that he is a real person, with some real power in the world. That's totally appropriate. Let him say no whenever you can do so without compromise to safety, health, or other peoples' rights.

    2. Since most tantrums happen when kids are hungry or tired, think ahead. Preemptive feeding and napping, firm bedtimes, enforced rests, cozy times, peaceful quiet time without media stimulation -- whatever it takes -- prevent most tantrums, and reground kids who are getting whiny. Learn to just say no -- to yourself! Don't squeeze in that last errand. Don't drag a hungry or tired kid to the store. Make do or do it tomorrow.

    3. Make sure your child has a full reservoir of your love and attention. Kids who feel needy are more likely to tantrum. If you've been separated all day, make sure you reconnect before you try to shop for dinner.

    4. Try to handle tantrums so they don’t escalate. It's amazing how acknowledging your child's anger can stop a brewing tantrum in its tracks. Before you set a limit, acknowledge what he wants. "You wish you could have more juice, you love that juice, right?" (Look, you've already got him nodding yes!) Then set the limit: "But you need to eat some eggs, too. We'll have more juice later." (As you move his cup out of sight.) If he responds with his anger, acknowledge it: "That makes you so mad. You really want the juice."

    With toddlers, keep the number of words you use pared down:

    "You are so mad!"

    "We don't hit."

    5. When your child gets angry, remember that all anger is a defense against more uncomfortable feelings -- vulnerability, fear, hurt, grief. If you can get him to go back to those underlying feelings, his anger will dissipate. "You want that. You are mad and sad." or "You're mad at Mommy because you don't want me to leave. When I leave you miss me." Usually at this point your child will cry, and you can hold him while he experiences his sadness. After you've helped them get past their anger and discharge their sad feelings, kids usually need to snuggle a bit.

    6. If your kid does launch into a tantrum despite your best preventive efforts, remember not to sever the connection. Stay nearby, even if he won't let you touch him. He needs to know you're there, and still love him. Be calm and reassuring. Don’t try to reason with him.

    Think about what you feel like when you’re swept with exhaustion, rage and hopelessness. If you do lose it, you want someone else there holding things together, reassuring you and helping you get yourself under control.

    He also needs to know that as soon as he's ready, you'll help him recollect himself. Afterwards, make up. Take some “cozy time” together.

    After the tantrum:

    First, make sure that your child gets enough “cozy time” with you that he doesn’t have to tantrum to get it.

    Second, don't give in to the original demand that prompted the tantrum. Kids need to be reminded when a tantrum is brewing that if they have a tantrum you aren't allowed to even consider their request. Unless they are really at the end of their rope, this message usually helps them pull it together enough for you to address the situation (i.e., “I guess we can’t do a big shop today. We’ll just get the milk and bread and go home. And here’s a cheese stick to eat while we wait in line.”

  • 5 years ago

    I'm for turning my again to the little one and ignoring the tantrum. Time them. As quickly because the little one stops, cross to him and interact him in an pastime that's correct and loved by means of him/her. By timing the tantrums, you can be ready to peer in the event that they develop or reduce in length and in addition the # of tantrums in an afternoon. It could be iteresting to additionally be aware after they arise. You might see a sample that has shaped and a approach to hinder the tantrums. The worst factor you'll be able to do is to supply the little one what he's in need of by means of throwing the tantrum. You are then beneficial beside the point habits and matters will most effective worsen, so much worse from there on.

  • 9 years ago

    Just try to ignore them. When shes done try explaining that it's naughty and she shouldnt do it. After that tell her you love her very much and maybe try just comforting her by a hug or by sitting down for a few minutes and reading a book.

    Source(s): Mom of a 16 month old
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