Muslim mom ruining life to the point where I always am depressed?

So my family are very strict Iranian Muslims. My Parents came to America when they were each 18 for education coming from religious mullahs in Iran. So my whole family's mentality is ingrained in the religion. Well being born in America and raised in Western Culture I feel like some of the things my parents forbid me to do or limit me is completely preposterous. I'm 17 and my parents won't even let me talk to boys. The other day they went through every single person I texted (numbers are online on the bill) and called everyone making sure I wasn't talking to any guys. Being in America avoiding talking to guys is pretty much impossible especially at the point where I have classes and homework help to be done. Well my mom grabbed my phone threw it at me and I had to get stitches in my head...for talking to guys. I had one boyfriend in my entire life and my parents found out kicked me out of the house for a week and I had to live in my car. I'm sick of my parents punishing me for something I know is not wrong. I don't drink, smoke and I have a 4.0 and yet that's not good enough. I am covered up every morning but not one morning has my mother failed to call me a prostitute a slut a whore a disgrace. Going to school is the best part of my day and coming home is the worst. I dread going home. I don't know what to do anymore. Every time I'm home I feel this anxiety eating at me and suicide has crossed my mind multiple times. It's not that I hate the religion it's fine. It's my parents interpretation of it that bothers me. I don't want to be Muslim, it's not me I can't force myself to believe something that isn't concrete. I just can't. Every time my parents force me to pray I think i'm numbingly just going through the motions, no emotions however. The justification my parents give me for their rules is that "We're Muslims and not white Americans remember that" What I don't understand is if they wanted eastern ideals why come to America. Another thing is that if I don't go to medschool my parents have said that "I'm no longer their daughter and I can be sure that they won't pay for my education" I hate medicine it grosses me out yet stuck living a life of it would be horrendous. I can never go to any friends house because they aren't muslim and they will turn me bad. I know if they limit me from doing all of this I'm going to go to college and rebel and do everything that is possible if not more, which is not healthy...well at least if i can wait that long. Their constant physical abuse is eating away at me too. I mean I'm a strong girl I can handle a couple of hittings, but after some time it eats at you. So i've become severely depressed and I can't go to my doctor because she's unfortunately muslim and a family friend. I know if I don't do anything about it something bad will arise. I was thinking about emancipation but because I recently quit my job that's out of the question. I was wondering what my options were. Any help would be nice. I'm sorry if I sound like an angsty teenager but I just can't stand it and it's been like this for the last 10 years of my life. Any advice would help. Not sure if anyone will read this, but if you did thanks

12 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Get another job, apply for scholarships and go to a community college if you don't get them.

    If you want them to pay for your education, cell phone, etc.-- ESPECIALLY while living under their roof-- you have to follow their rules.

    And show some respect, they've given you a great life and amazing opportunities. They could've stayed in Iran or gone back there after their studies, but they stayed here so you could have a better life.

  • 9 years ago

    I'm very sorry. My mother and I are the same. I am 17 and I lost faith in christianity and my mother told me I couldn't be her son any more. I went back to it to make her happy, she has physically abused me as well, throwing pans at me, punching me in the jaw, breaking brooms, sticks, and spatulas on me. I''m very sorry.

    Don't go to med school. Getting an education in something you don't like is the same thing as no education at all. If I were you I would find a community college which is usually only 5000 dollars a year and almost anyone could pay that off with school loans. Be yourself, and you don't have to just emancipate you can find a friend whose family would let you live with them for a few months to get on your feet. Just focus on a job for now and hold onto your friends. They're really all you have in this situation.

    Don't kill yourself, hon. You can deal with it just for a little longer and soon everything is going to be a lot better. Don't let it keep you down. You've got a 4.0 you're probably going to get scholarships if you apply especially since you are from foreign ancestry and a woman. (Affirmative Action) Mom and Dad won't be there forever and they won't be able to keep you down. I'm very sorry and I hope you get through this. I'm sure you can, just put forward that extra effort. You can e mail me if you want to talk more about this. zebra0456@gmail.

  • 5 years ago

    Well, you're 17, 18 is coming soon and that means you are legally an adult. You mention a car, perhaps you have some money of your own as well. The refs to GPA and med school suggest you could go to college on a scholarship that you've earned yourself, in whatever major you chose. The biggest obstacle to breaking away after your 18th birthday is the general Islamic prohibition on walking away from Islam. To do so, you would seem to have to bail, unannounced, on your 18th, and head for somewhere void of relatives and their friends. Find a small school that could satisfy your educational needs, maybe change your name/identity. It's not going to be easy. On the subject of abuse, if you can't tough it out, try going to a minor emergency center or a full scale emergency room the next time it happens. I wish you luck...

  • 9 years ago

    To Beware and the person who cited experience as their source, you guys obviously don't know what an abusive family is (maybe you have an idea - to some degree). How dare you try to "equate" your experiences to this girl's?

    Unless you have lived exactly in her shoes, you can only try to imagine, try to understand. You have no idea how vicious parents could be - they are out there, they are real.

    Reading this gave me goosebumps. It reminded me of all those documentaries I've seen about Honor Killings... Now now, those crimes were committed by extremists, and extremists can exist in all religions, spanning across different races and countries and ages.

    Your parents do sound abusive. I can imagine - had somewhat abusive parents myself... But nowhere as constricting as yours seem to be.

    Best option would be to get away. How old are you exactly? It would be great if you could reach out to a support group. I read one person here gave their email to you? I would encourage you to maybe try that, but be cautious as well, you never know.

    Rebelling is never a good idea in that situation, but please just be patient. Someday soon, you can finally be your own person.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    awwwww.. i'm a muslim too. i know how u feel. but u see, ur parents r doing this for ur own sake.. im sure they listen to alot of "rape" stories happening in the US..a lot of crimes etc .so they just want to prevent all that from happrning. but i still believe that they shouldn't be soo over-protective though..this is what i'd do, one day when u feel that one of ur parents r in a good mood, tell them everything u posted on here.. like how America is an open-minded country (does that even make sense o.o) anyways.. and that girls and guys eventually have to communicate, because in america girls and guys arent seperated like how they r in other countries, and also tell them that they can trust u and blah blah blah. im sure they'll understand ;] and pray , trust me it makes u feeel sooooooooooooooooooo much better <3 goodluckkkkkkk khudafes xD

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Well sister dont stress yourself out, they just dont want you to go astray, the way they treat you is not islamically, or muslim like.ITS CULTURAL. EXPECTATIONS, CULTURAL, THEIR WAYS. So you shouldnt change your religon or when you dont feel prayer is because your depressed, so dont listen to the shattan or ppl telling you to change your religion. If your family doesnt want you to be what you want to be then that is really wrong I can understand why you would want to run away from the sister who wouldnt. The boys thing is cause when a man and woman are alone in a rumor the third person is shattan and then zina happens. Ppl who do that regret and think about it and wish they hadnt. Your not a bad person its hard trying to be muslim where you are and your family wants you to be what they want you to be. To listen to them and all that, but you should choose what career you want. Its good advice to not talk to boys in a intimate way, but for school is fine. DOnt run away from them , if you cant talk to them live with your grandparents or something if its that bad, then go away to college but dont run from them. In the long run the ppl who run away from family realize family is everything, there the ones who stick with you even though I know it seems hard they love you there scared for you. They dont know how to react they are worried for their reputation, which is where CULTURE comes along sister thats what the worry is . THEY KNOW YOUR NOT A WHORE OR A SLUT AND YOUR NOT SISTER SO DONT LISTEN TO THAT. They just dont know how to react thats why they act tough or whatever so youll listen, but tell them you want to be what ever you like to be career wise. Tell them with boys you know your limits and thats that. Try not to communicate so much with your parents keep it short, from what you say they seem a bit difficult to deal with. Read Quran, hadiths, sister trust me I know what you feel its normal you want your independence and are tired of restriction but focus that energy on school. Your life will be great be patient, stay a muslim, and dont worry your parents just dont want you to ruin their reputation in your Iran society thats all so they act in a not so kind way. Hope I helped goodluck dont give up sister be strong and youll succeed!

    Source(s): Experience
  • know how you are feeling.My father is from Turkey and my mother is born in the USA,she is white. Both of my parents don't agree with each other because of the different cultures. So I have issues with my parents giving me different orders and telling me how to live. I am 22 and still get controlled by my mother. I know this not really advice.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Call the police. You are being physically and emotionally abused, and that is not tolerable.

    You are intelligent, strong, and you respect yourself. If you don't want to go to med school, then don't. Who cares if they pay for it or not? You are smart enough to get by on scholarships without their help. Be patient. Once you leave home, you can be your own person, not the person your parents expect you to be. Get back at them by being who you want to be. Just never stop respecting yourself.

    Take care, kiddo. Chin up!

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    well i had a teacher who was from Iran and he use to tell us about his culture he was the same way but he never hit his kids but he did not let them watch tv or hang out with other boys or girls from the opposite sex because his children needed to be promised to just his people and maybe that's why your parents are trying to protect you from the world but throwing out of your home that's just mean.. i guess just wait a little bit till you turn 18 and try to get out of your house...

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I'm not sure if the situation is severe enough for this, but maybe run away to a friend's house from school, and ask for help. because you know, beating your children is illegal. maybe have some evidence of it. maybe none of the other things they do are technically illegal, but that is and the others aren't right.

    Jesus loves you

    God bless

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