As you can imagine, the "garbage" from many years of neglect and abuse will not change overnight. If you cannot afford professional help, I would STRONGLY urge you to search online for a Codependents Anonymous group near you (see www.coda.org). If there is not one near you, then try either Al-Anon or Emotions Anonymous. The important thing is to take yourself to where there are loving, kind, supportive people who will listen to you and love you until you can learn to love yourself. Once you learn that you deserve better, you will be able to better take care of yourself and set healthy boundaries with your family, friends, child, etc. They do not charge you to attend these meetings--they basically pass a basket and take donations--if you can afford to give, but they do not turn anyone away due to inability to contribute. Their programs are patterned after the same highly successful 12-Step program that Alcoholics Anonymous uses. This program is a plan for living--that teaches you how to live your life one day at a time without needing toxic people or a substance. Good luck!