Lv 4
emmy asked in Pregnancy & ParentingAdoption · 8 years ago

Im keeping a secret from my husband...?

He's adopted. He tried to find out about his biological family awhile ago, but is now satisfied with where his life is. Yesterday, ( I don't know why) I put his date of birth and the county and state of his birth into Google, and came across a posting by a women. By the info she gave, I know its his birth mom. I know his birth name, that he was named after his father, her name, surnames, etc. I don't know what to do with this info... We have small children and I'm afraid of where this type of info will lead us. Please advise...

13 Answers

  • Best Answer

    You're married, why keep secrets? If he truly feels he is satisfied with where his life is now, why not let him know anyway and see what he wants to do with it. It's his call. His biological mother. I don't think you should keep it a secret.. because I don't see him lashing out on your for telling him.. if he does, counteract and say, i didn't want to keep it a secret from you. And I didn't want you to feel regret that you would never have a chance to meet your mother.

    Y'know? Just.. tell him. Be honest. What he decides to do with that information is totally up to him. Congrats on your babies (:

  • 8 years ago

    You should really tell him. Tell him how you explained here. Say I don't know why but I searched your biological family and I have some news.. I like I have found them. If he was interested a while back in finding them then I am sure he still would love to get in contact with them. People find their biological families all the time and don't worry about it. Tell him you will be there to support him and that he can take it slowly if he wants. Make sure he knows that he doesn't have to rush into this. But I am sure he will be really happy you helped. Tell him that you wanted to help him too.

    :) I hope this helps!

  • K
    Lv 5
    8 years ago

    You need to tell him. This is HIS life and history. And good marriages are not built on keeping secrets. He has tried to find his biological family in the past, so clearly he would want this information.

    Your husband can do what he likes with the information. He is an adult; he can contact them and see where this takes him. I am sure he would not let any harm come to his children. You don't yet know anything about his bio family, so don't assume that this will be detrimental.

    Source(s): Mom to 3 through adoption and married for 12 years.
  • 8 years ago

    I think you should tell him, if he does decide to contact his biological it should not affect your marriage or the relationship with your children. He is now a grown man who has a life with a wife and kids so if he does want to contact his biological family you should be part of this because you are also his family, you have known each other long enough to trust each other as you are married.---hope it all works out for the best!!

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  • 8 years ago

    I think you should tell him. I am adopted and I always wanted to know my birth family, I ended up meeting them when I was 16 and ended up having a great relationship with my mom. I think he has the right to know.

  • 8 years ago

    He needs to know becasue if it came out in the future you knew and hid it from him then he would resent you for it. Plus it is his information to know. Tell him exactly what happened and how you came by the info and show it to him. What he does has to be his choice. His choice.......sorry yes am repeating it becaseu it is so important that an adopted person arrives at their own choice with these matters. Please do not be tempted to put him off or to encourage......give him the information and let him digest it in his own time.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    I think you should tell him and give him the decision to contact them or not. He has tried to look before so he obviously cares and has some interest to where he came from.

    If he finds out you were keeping this from him in the future, he will be very upset. He deserves to know and you should support whatever he decides to do.

  • 8 years ago

    You need to tell him. He has a right to know. Even if he decides not to meet her or do anything about it, he has the right to know. And if he does choose to do something about it, you have to support him. You're his wife. If he finds out you hid this from him, it could ruin your marriage.

  • 8 years ago

    Be honest as secrets have a habit of coming out. Your children also need to know (age appropiate) as well as your husband's natural family is their family too.

    My son found my family and they lied to him for 5 years by saying they didn't know where I was. I found my son and I was so angry with my family for not being honest with him and for not telling me they had contact. It took me a long time to forgive them.

  • 8 years ago

    i not sure but you should try to tell him gently and just don't tell him out of the blue try to lead this into a conversation Good Luck

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