Jake asked in HealthMental Health · 8 years ago

State of Depression and Depersonalization?

Well, to start off, I live quite a nice life, and I'm 16. I got parents who both love me and tell me regularly; there's really no reason for me to be in this current state of mind.

One problem I think might have been smoking weed, although I feel as though I've had depression much longer then that. I believe the weed caused depersonalization, which I find is extremely annoying since it doesn't happen to any of my friends.

Now with depression, and depersonalization. I live a wonderful life, with awesome friends and a great school, and a very loving family. Although I have a feeling that my mom and dad sleeping in separate rooms now is just getting weird, I understand where they are coming from but they seem to not love each other anymore and my family is emotionally abusive sometimes(yelling and fighting, dysfunctional). I hate the fact that I can't handle this though, I know people who have it much worse off then me and love their lives and are the nicest and sweetest people I ever met.

My biggest problem is my parents never disciplined me to do homework all through elementary and junior high.. so now I'm in high school failing every course and getting yelled at daily (got my xbox taken away for 3 weeks, which was when they saw my report card and I don't use it anyway so it didn't help). I'm so far behind it's making everything about eight times as bad, and homework just stacks up, and yes I try to do it every night. I have days where I'm happy and days where I'm sad, I can never just live a normal life. I question my faith in God (I am a Christian) daily, but if I didn't believe in him I'd probably have already killed myself: the reason being as I kind of get suicidal but the thought of not knowing where I go when I die scares me too much to do it. Because of all of this I went from emotionally unstable to emotionless, and now I find a sense of not caring anymore. I drink sometimes, just to stay awake all night to try to do my homework, I'm too critical of my thinking and can't do it anymore. I get very little sleep now, just trying to finish bits and pieces of homework that don't matter considering I'm going to fail anyways, and I'm being serious I got told that I was since the semesters almost over.

Well I guess if you really were nice enough to stick through all of that, my question is: What should I do? I hate my life (with crappy reasoning, I live a much better one then a lot of people), and don't care about anything sometimes. Other times I feel kind of happy, but that's only on the rare day when someone says something to make my day. I'm going downhill fast, really fast, and I don't know what to do. I feel like I have all this help around me but I don't want to use it. I honestly hate this state of mind, some days I wish I could just be rich and never have anything to every worry about, this all just feels like too much.. even though it's nothing compared to some people.

And no I am not trying to blame this on my parents, it's just what I am saying based on what I've seen myself grow up with compared to others.

Thanks for reading my stupid long analysis of some of my boring life :)

4 Answers

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  • Jody
    Lv 7
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Your minimizing the abuse in your home, the separation of your parents to their own rooms, and the affect it's having on you. You cannot even grieve properly like children of divorce because they continue to live under the same roof.

    You're in a great deal of emotional pain and trying to self medicate with pot and alcohol. For some reason you are ashamed to feel the way you do, which is hurt, scared, heartbroken, powerless, frustrated, ashamed, confused to name a few.

    Those are powerful emotions and they are weighing you down both physically, intellectually and spiritually - no wonder you're struggling in school and in other areas of your life. Anybody in your circumstances woould be feeling the way you do - your life went flying out of control and you didn't have a choice about that, you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't fix it.

    And whether you realize it or not you're angry and disappointed in your parents, and you've every right to feel that way. Shutting down is not helping you, going numb may work for the short term, but it's no way for a human being to live. Self-medicating is only a temporary fix too- as you're finding out.

    Your feelings are true to you, honor them, and even though this is a painful time, and unsettling and uncomfortable, you will all get through it. And you don't have to add the burden of trying to excel in school right now, it's too much to ask of anyone. It's a miracle that you get up every day and get there and get through the day - and your parents are probably just as emotionally wounded. You have the opportunity to repeat the year and that's a very good thing. And it's not your fault. It's not your parents fault either, sometimes marriage fails and chaos ensues.

    It's not fair to ask a child to go to counseling when his parents don't. But if you do, it could set the example for the adults, and it will help you. Something has to give, young man, but it doesn't have to be your mental and physical health and well being, you don't have to sink any lower, you don't have to second guess yourself, and you don't have to go through this alone. Seek help.

    Money can't give you what you need right now, but God can. Ask Him for help in the morning and thank Him at night - talk to Him like a friend all day long if you need to (not out loud, keep your credibility around others). He appreciates that you consider Him, and when it's time He'll take you to be with Him, but it's not time, you already know that... He needs you here, He wants you here.

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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    That book you wrote was the best I've read. Kid I had a multi-million dollar family, parents whom I thought loved each other. I'm really smart. Never had to pay attention in class and didn't fail. Seemed like I never did my homework. I had an athlete's body when I was in high school, despite literally never working out. Girls loved me. I never even tried my first cig or drank until halloween of senior year. Never tried weed until the end of high school.

    I'm 19 and I've been depressed for almost a decade. I seem to be in the same boat as you, but my depersonalization came WAY before 16 or weed. You have no idea how miserable your life will be if you don't lift yourself out of this NOW. This isn't a pep talk, you think your life is bad now, god you don't know. I could go on with my life story to prove it but

    I've done nothing to myself but intentionally bring heartbreak and loss to everyone I've known for 10 years because of my pain. Idk what to blame it on, still, me or the world, but I've decided to fix it and that's why I'm writing. I'm making a change, after a broken heart and loving parents disowning me, after friends leaving me and me abandoning friends, all this sadness just for the sake of more sadness. Your life isn't what people make of you, it's what you make of it.

    Change.

    Source(s): Infinately horrible personal experience.
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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Join me and wear my peace shirt then we can go sing a group song together. if not read my poetry

    They say if you remember the 60's

    You probably wasn't there

    I remember strutting my stuff

    Skin tight bells, long blonde hair

    Hitched from Maine to California

    without the fear that I would die

    There was pot everywhere

    Half my world was high

    Communes sprang up everywhere

    There was always a place to stay

    Homeless was not the problem

    It seems to be today

    Farmers trusted us

    We'd camp out in their field

    Today it is bend or break

    Occasionally we yield

    Oh,the elders frowned

    They did not understand

    We were young and alive

    Living off the land

    The world was our oyster

    We were the pearl in the shell

    Wanting to be alittle high

    Wanting to raise alot of hell

    We traveled from town to town

    And we'd create quite a fuss

    In our brightly painted

    mini bus

    Every generation seems

    To have it's own thing to prove

    I remember my hippie days

    This chick was in the groove

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  • 8 years ago

    Call out to Jesus; he will help you. With all your problems he can fill. Just pray to him and ask him for forgiveness, and he will help you. Just trust me, and try it. You will not regret it.

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