Pleses tell me im of God/Christ?

All of a sudden recently ive started having uncontrollable severly blastphamous thoughts against every for of God. I had hear the simplicity of Christ-Believe Christ died for you to save you from your sins,Love God, Love your neighbor enemys included, and resist sin to the best of your abilitys- and was ready to... show more All of a sudden recently ive started having uncontrollable severly blastphamous thoughts against every for of God. I had hear the simplicity of Christ-Believe Christ died for you to save you from your sins,Love God, Love your neighbor enemys included, and resist sin to the best of your abilitys- and was ready to do it,but all of a sudden i felt like i died or was dying spiritually though my pastour said i wasnt after telling him how ive felt he said it was mental, then a counsolor online said it was a form of OCD, and though i would use Jesus name nothing would work hardly the thoughts would come back in seconds, peace doesnt last long when it comes. one thought says i dont want the spirit of God. but I say i do. All of this is overwelming and unwilling. i know life without Christ is pointless. I shouldnt feel peace with these thoughts! there offensive and wearing me down. One thought says i dont have the spirit. others condem me and Gods spirit. im not sure any more whats going on-if this is really a mental disorder or spiritual,like me really dying spiritually. if i had not read Matt 12:31 i would not be in this boat now. oh and just so were clear there is a difference between demon possession and mental problems it says so in Matt: 4:24. one thought says im not with satain. its affecting me all the way around-making me sick to my stomache and have panic attacks and depression as well as im unable to sleep. ive asked forgivness and for christ to come into my heart and every fiber of my being-also my mind cusses me out,calls out to the devil and basically condenms me-its like being locked in the same room with someone you dont get along with and argue with constantly.
Update: I feel so hopless,faithless,and alone.
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