Should Kids be Blamed for a Divorce?

My mom recently told me that she wants to get divorced from my step-dad, and I asked why? She told me it's because of us(my siblings and I) and how we don't respect them and how they're always fighting about us. She also said because of my dad's hobbies(he likes to collect cars and work on them) and other things.

I told her that there's no reason to divorce except for when a guy or woman cheats on you and she laughed and said there are more reasons, and when I asked what other reasons, she said the disrespectful behavior of the children and their disrespect. And then I proceeded to tell her that we had nothing to do with their marriage and she angry and said they always argue about us disrespecting them.

I know at times I am disrespectful to my parents, but no one is perfect and I'm just a teenager. There are times I'm not going to like or agree with them, but whenever we have a fight I feel terrible after wards and I try to talk about it later. My brother and my sister are also disrespecting, sometimes more than i am, sometimes less. My sister holds grudges while my brother often looks up to our uncle instead of his dad.

Constantly our mother tells us she's going to move away so she can be away from us, and tells us she hates coming home an wishes she could stay at work. When she does this, my siblings and I do try to change but we always go back to how we are before and I can't help but think it really is our fault my mother wants to leave but at the sane time, I know that she shouldn't say it's our fault.

I try to talk to my mom about her wanting a divorce but she doesn't even try to reach a common ground with my step-dad and the same is true for him. I feel like I'm trying to be the peacemaker but i just can't stand the thought of them separating.

Should I just leave it be and see what happens? Was it right for my mother to blame us and should my siblings and I try to keep the marriage together?

I need some advice :(

Update:

Also, my dad has been around ever since my mother was pregant with me(they met at her baby shower) and my brother ands sister are biologically his.

4 Answers

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  • 9 years ago

    manytimes it happens and people gets very much irritated from something but instead of getting angry to the real source of irritation , they takes out all the anger on something else , where they can and also blames them .

    all i can say is try to remain calm for some days and see if anything changes , ask ur brother and sister too , just for few days and see if it works out or not.

    if it does not works out then just let her do what she wants .

    but give it a try first .

  • 9 years ago

    Sounds to me like your mother is self interested and likes to put blame on others. Keep in mind that as a teenager, you can ask to remain with your step-dad. If you've been with him 5 years, he actually has some standing even though he is not your legal father. Clearly, you mom has little desire to understand teenagers.

  • 9 years ago

    Your mom can't face the fact that she and your stepdad cannot make their own marrige work because they have a weak relationship. It's no one's fault but their own that they are contemplating divorce. She needs to stop blaming you guys and grow up. She made the choice to marry him and he made the choice to marry her knowing full well she had you guys. If you guys don't respect him it's probably because there was never a strong relationship built between the kids and him to begin with

  • if she has that attitude she should've never had children. god, mothers piss me off so much!

    none of us asked to be born, so don't fxcking complain about us because we were never going to be perfect. what is it with people wanting to blame other people (even their own kids?!) for their own god damn issues. honestly.

    i have so much sympathy for you, i'd turn around and tell her that she can't be reasonable and can't even sort her own fxcking issues out.

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