First chapter of my story. please come and look?
By, K.M. Robin (my pen name)
Chapter One: Blacken Memories…
I had a memory from long ago. I can’t really remember how I got there but, that was the first one I had. It one the only link to my past. Sometimes when I see it, it turns all blurry and sometimes I can see it as clear as glass.
I’d hear a baby’s cry too soft for others to hear. The smell of iron, wood, and rooting blood hangs with it. Seeing flames of crimson, amber, and apricot dancing around me with heated anger and fury. Splatters of blood-wet and old-were all around. But in the middle of all of this was…
…me. I stood there with not a care in the world. My white dress was tattered in some places and worn with dry blood stains. My legs and arms would be covered in dirt and hair that once was a magnificent midnight, reached to the ground, now is knotted and replaced by a dull black. Lips showed dry cracks and my knuckles were always stained in the crimson blood. Looking up into a starless sky, tears weld over my once sepia-colored eyes would be only a blank stare.
A voice would always enter my thoughts. It would sound like a child’s but had a hint of hatred in it. They say the same thing over and over again-
“I wish I was never born!”
1. What do you like about it so far (even though this is a little bit, tell me what you think)
2. Any ideas that pop in your head that will do good it this story that I am writing. (please let me know)
3. What should I change about it? (depends on how you look at it)
4. Should the title be changed (I'm having ifes on the title.I have the summary down below (under all the questions) do tell if you some up with any other ones)
5. Should I continue with it or not?
"Ha and they say two heads are better than one."
My name is Moriko Riden; I’m fourteen years old and a half-breed crow. Everyone has another soul inside of them called Kuras and that is their other self. But when the Kuras get punished by their owners they turn into Shadowlings and the person you know today will be lost. Shadowlings are the evil is man’s heart and I hunt down these Shadowlings with my brothers, Yuki and Hunter who are full-breed wolf demons twins. Kyuu Riden is our adoptive father (a nine-tailed fox.)
Then two shady characters who calls themselves Arcices and Darkrie enters the picture, they say that they're my other self. I don't know what to do with people who live inside my very soul and I can't do a damn thing about it. But something else happens an evil awakens and my memories from seven years ago that were missing start reappearing suddenly. No one will tell me anything and I want to know what and who they are. Who are the enemies and who are the allies? I don't know who to believe. What's a girl with wings spouse to do??