Dating my now ex-friend's ex-boyfriend.?
I first met Andrew when I was in grade 9. We were in a play together. He was main character, and amazing. I had a huge crush.
Now, the ex-friend was my older sister's "best friend" from middle school. Emily was always jealous of my sister, and they quarreled often. Emily would always start to like the same guys as my sister, but never got them.
Now, when Lyndsay (sister) and Emily were both in grade 11, they fought again over a boy. This time, Emily lied to Lyndsay and said she would talk to the guy she liked for her. Emily instead got him for herself and betrayed Lyn, and they stopped talking.
Before this point, I had always just been Lyn's little sister to Emily. But now Emily sought my friendship. My sister didn't like it, of course, and claimed Emily just wanted to be my friend to get on her nerves.
But I tried to keep both parties happy, and managed with relative success.
My relationship with my then boyfriend, Kodi, was failing. I was unhappy with him, and always secretly comparing him to Andrew.
Then came the trip to France. Em, Andrew and I, and a mutual friend of ours and Andrew's went. Em's relationship she lost her friendship with my sister over had ended less than a month after it began, and she had been "in love" with several guys in the few months between then and the trip to France.
I was so excited to find that Andrew was going. Kodi and I were done by that point.
My hopes at getting any closer to Andrew, who I had by that point been crushing on for two years, were almost immediately dashed shortly after arriving in France when Emily confided in me that she had decided to pursue Andrew during the trip.
I hid my disappointment. Emily went about acting like a completely different girl in her attempts at winning over Andrew. Maybe if I had spoken up then and said I was interested in Andrew, things would be different now.
Andrew fell for Emily's constant flirtation and sweetheart act.
They started dating. They kissed on top of the Eiffel Tower for the first time.
It really hurt to watch it all, but I said nothing.
They were dating for a while after that. But a few months after they had been dating, Emily grew comfortable enough to let her real self emerge. She had been acting cutesy, fun, friendly, accepting, sweet, kind. And then suddenly she was letting him see the real her. Selfish, jealous, snarky, impatient, rude, bitchy, whiny, controlling and demanding.
She was emotionally abusive to him, wouldn't let him hang out with any of his female friends, as she was jealous and insecure. She controlled and manipulated him, insulted him constantly, pulled the "If you love me, you'll ______". She and her parents even pulled that with /trying/ to force him to get baptized and conform to her religion. He's atheist, as am I. He tried to leave her on several occasions, but she always guilt-tripped him into taking her back. They had nothing in common, and he was miserable with her. When I hung out with them both, I could barely stand to see her abuse him. I still liked him so much after so many years... they dated for 2.5 years.
Finally, we all went camping. Andrew, Emily, myself, and other friends. This was in the summer after my first year at university. We were all drinking, and everybody was away from camp except Andrew and I. I went into his tent to chat. We were talking when suddenly... he kissed me.
And we confessed that we had feelings for each other.
And Andrew said how he was miserable and about to dump Emily for good this time. I told him that I had liked him for five years now, and was fairly sure I was in love. He said he had been falling for me since the first time he tried to leave Emily.
And the next day, we talked about what had happened. I had worried that he was just drunk and saying things. But he had sincerely meant all of it, he informed me.
I wanted to not make a move until after a few months of him dumping Emily, but she confronted me one day with a rumor she had heard about me liking Andrew . I confessed that I did, not wanting to lie though it had only been a month after they broke up. She said that I could never date him.
She then went to his house, forbade him from ever dating me, and tried to control him still by saying they should be "bffs". She was constantly bitching me out to him now, and bitching about him to me. After she got so bad that I decided to just start dating him because she wasn't worth having as a friend anymore, **** hit the fan.
She bitched us both out, her mother (who had formerly adored me) was calling me a sl-ut and a bi-tch all over facebook.
But I was never so happy as I was with Andrew. We had so much in common and we were so happy together. And we still are, after all this time.
But I still feel bad about Emily. I wouldn't change my choice, but...
Do you think I made the right choice? Am I a hor
Cont: Am I horrible person for being with Andrew? I love him so much.
And he has frequently told me that if he had known I liked him, he would have been with me from the start. His relationship with Emily was hell.
And also, that night when we were camping, he asked me if I had encouraged Emily to start sexting some thirty year old man. I was confused, so he explained that Emily had been sending inappropriate messages back and forth with this 30 year old dude, and that when he found out she blamed me and said that I had told her to do it and sent half the texts myself. He told me he had never believed her because he knew I wouldn't do something like that.
That was another one of the deciding factors in my choosing Andrew over Emily.
Emily also badmouthed all of our other friends, who she suddenly just loved to death after she and I stopped being friends. She did nothing but criticize them and say nasty things about them, and suddenly now they the best friends she ever did ha
- LisaLv 78 years agoBest Answer
Well, a couple of things here. First of all, I think you've demonized Emily in your mind to justify what you did to her. It was pretty crappy, no two ways about it. But life can be messy and we don't always act in the way that is ideal. After five years of liking Andrew, I think it's pretty clear that what you felt for him was beyond a mere crush. This wasn't just some random guy you threw your friend under the bus for...it was someone for whom you had real feelings that were apparently returned. Here's the dilemma...are you supposed to deny someone that could be the love of your life forever because it would upset someone that isn't even the greatest friend? No. If the drama continues (and what the hell kind of mother is getting involved over Facebook? Seriously, no wonder her daughter behaves the way she does). I would make one last ditch effort to smooth things over with Emily. Say that you're sorry that things turned out the way you did, but you really love Andrew and you never wanted to choose between both of them and lose a friend. That's all. If she continues to act hurt and betrayed and play the victim, let her. People get bored of it eventually and move onto other things and forget...believe it or not.
- Anonymous3 years ago
If you keep breaking up then you shouldn't get back together, because it will likely end again.
Read here https://tr.im/4mL6h
Whether or not you should really depends on the reasons that you two keep breaking up. But I really doubt he has changed in such a short period of time. You're the girl, and while usually I recommend girls do the asking out instead of just waiting, in the case I think even if you do wind up getting back together with him, you shouldn't put forth any effort in making it happen. Act coy. Maybe go out with someone else for a bit, not steady, but go on a few dates with or something. Just don't make yourself TOO available to him.
If you make it obvious you want him back then he is going to think he can treat you however he wants and you will always be there for him, and that will just lead to more break ups in the future. Basically, I think he will break up with you whenever he wants another girl, and when that doesn't work out, in the interest of not feeling lonely, he will come back to you until he meets someone else. Again, and again. Thats assuming the past break ups were in any way his doing. If it was always your decision, then I have to wonder what he did to make you break up with him, or was it possibly you who left him for someone else?
- 8 years ago
Well Emily is really crazy.
Why would you even consider taking her word that you are a whore? She obviously has some disorder with her brain. And her mum too has a disorder.I don't quite know who is worse - Emily or her mum. I think her mum is worse. Sounds like an abusive family, maybe they have a history of abuse in their family - well definitely - I mean probably serious abuse not many generations ago, or in this
Maybe you feel some kind of respect for Emily, because she used to be your sister's friend. But anyway, I think you should know Emily is a mess
I think you should have a lot of pity for Emily. You could try to be unselfishly friendly with her, but you should know when you're dealing with these kinds of people, you don't have to lose anything to gain. These kinds of manipulative people believe you can't have anything good without sacrifice. But they are delusional,
I think. They are pessimists. You don't need to believe you owe Emily anything, it's natural that you want to help Emily. You can try to be friendly with her - but you don't need to gamble anything to share your love with her
Try to not care about hurting her feelings, the reality check for her is more important than the hurt is for her.
She may lose it with you - but she'll wake up, and that's very important to her.
You could be this best friend if you can manage to bring her to reality. She should learn that being nice has good effects. People don't need to be controlling, when they find positive personalities help others to stay responsible, and noble. She should find that negative attitudes attract tragedies.
She should learn about how communication affects her.Source(s): http://www.treating-bipolar-and-anxiety-without-me... A man with an 'ounce' of experience? http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=201111...
- 4 years ago
Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/t3P0k
Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.
The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.
Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.
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- Anonymous8 years ago
So it wasn't until I was about fourteen, when I started fantasising about my best friend, and being turned on by him. I fought the thoughts. When I was sixteen I confessed I fancied him, but I said I used to. But I still felt for him then, I was just too shy to say that. He wasn't gay, I suppose he was bi. He always talked about sexuaI things nearly. Sometimes I got enough courage to let him come on to me without resisting, but when I had enough courage, he didn't act - it was strange. When he had a job I didn't meet him so much. I watched lots of p0rnography when I was seventeen - because I got the internet for the first time. I started to feel so much for girls, because maybe the pornography, made me feel that women weren't respected as they should be. I started to be fascinated by all females. I wanted to understand them - like I understood men. I hated anything sexist. I saw lots of sexist things, where others might not notice. I was addicted to porn00graphy, but I also started to feel so much more empathy for women. It felt like I had a goal to change all sex|st world views. I disliked hearing people calling girls bit|ches and sl|uts Because men didn't get called that for doing the same stuff :(
I had no goal to live with a man, from then on, when I was sixteen
Last year there was a man who tried stuff on me, and I fantasised about him some days - then on other days, I would completely get out of that, and only fantasise about my girlfriend, and other women.
We should get back and remember, I didn't have sexuaI feelings for a man until I was thirteen, but I'd already had my first kiss when I was eleven, and I'd already been fantasising about girls since I was five or less
So now I believe being gaIY is a fetish - not wholesome love - here - this is a case study for youSource(s): http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=201111... A man with an 'ounce of' experience? I don't want to cause harsh feelings
- 8 years ago
No, you are not. What you did, was perfect! I probably would have done the same thing. Whenever you feel guilty, remember that Emily was a *****!!
- 8 years ago
I don't like being called a stupid, ignorant idiot. So I'd like it if you didn't call me that again, and I'd like it if you took that back, by deleting it
I used to be bisexual when I was nineteen, and I told lots of people about it, but a few years later, I thought I was straight. When I was sixteen I was very attracted to my best friend, he used to be very sexual with me, asking me to suck his **** sometimes, and I wanted to, but I resist that. I had lots of fantasies of living with him like a husband. But it sometimes made me sick - it felt like sexual abuse. When I was seven I used to dress up like a girl, because I thought it looked cool. When I was ten, a different friend pretended to rape me, by jumping on top of me, and doing that. I didn't like it at all, and it didn't turn me on. In high school, two of my best friends pretended to be gay lots of the time, by simulating anal sex in class, but I didn't feel an urge to join in. I had lots of girl in high school, the relationship didn't last long
- 8 years ago
Quite obviously, you must consult your inner feelings of love and if you truly loved her than you'll find your answer in your heart.
- Oakville RocksLv 68 years ago
I would say that you're a slag.