Caz
Lv 5
Caz asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 9 years ago

mother and daughter relationship?

My parents paid for extra sports, music lessons, tutoring (I wasn't very clever and needed extra help) They gave me lovely presents for my birthday and christmas and I went to private schools (half way through primary and all of secondary) basically i was given everything i could have dreamed for.

My mum compared me with her twin sisters children and tried to make me in her eyes perfect, I was good at karate and was the youngest to be in Britains international team I was ranked 4th in the world in the junior category. i was seen as 'musically talented' just because i could play piano and sing in tune... my dad told me she paid for all the extra activites to excuse what she did behind closed doors where it wasnt as perfect as we all made out.

My mum was very violent towards me when I didn't get a good grade I was repeatedly hit (which was often) if I had done the smallest thing wrong like not put a mug away properly I was hit and kicked she would always tell me I was stupid, worthless, a disgrace to the family etc She threatedned me with knives hit me over the head with slippers etc

My dad has been there for me a lot and I love and care for him he tried to protect me from her, they often got into fights but because of the way he was brought up he couldnt leave her even to protect me. Social services were involved but I lied and we played happy families, my mum could lose her job if they knew the truth and I would be taked out of my school and away from my friends.

I became ill with anorexia and depression and was put in a mental hospital for a year and a half (discharged June 2011) they gave me my own place to live and put safeguarding in place with my mum (im not allowed to be with her on my own) Im doing well and wish we could have a relationship but she still gets so angry with me and sees me as a failure and a disgrace. I feel like a failure because of the fact they gave me the best start in life only for me to go and ruin it by having to go to hospital which means where i should be in uni im in college doing a course equivilant of 3 Alevels.

I often wonder if the abuse was justified because of all the nice things she did for me. I tried to make it up to her with small things like making her breakfast in bed I never wanted her to spend so much on me. I just wanted her to say 'i love you' as i used to tell her i loved her often with not much a reply.

what are your opinions? (I'm 18 by the way)

thanks :)

Update:

My mother has suspected BPD (borderline personality disorder) she wont see a shrink, shes too proud. Also she was like that with me from as long as I can remember to 17

3 Answers

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  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think she was wrong to hit you and make your life so miserable that you ended up in a hospital. Don't blame yourself for her actions. As often said that money can't buy love. Just because she provided you with money and facilities doesn't mean that she could hurt you so bad. She might be mentally sick to beat you up so much. Judged by your actions (as you wrote) you are a very good daughter and I am sure that every mother would be proud to have such a caring daughter like you.

  • 9 years ago

    I am sorry to hear this. I feel you may be craving love from your mother and acceptance. Sometimes you need to cut contact for a period of time to allow your mother to miss you. If you continue to accept the abuse from her you will find all abusive stuff coming towards you for example friends, abuse in work areas and so on. Until you start to say and feel you deserve better you won't get better. Abuse follows abuse but you can stop it by accepting yourself for who you are. You now need to take the control away from your mother. You need to be strong and focus on what you love doing for yourself. If you do courses hoping to impress her it won't work. You had a lot of knocks but you are a very strong person. You need to cut the ties for a while and consentrate on yourself. Your mother may not have had an easy life growing up and maybe she wasn't told much she was loved so she finds it hard to say it to you. Looking for love from her at the moment won't work you need to first start to love yourself and heal. It is scary facing stuff we don't want to remember but when you do work on it you will find love will come to you. Your thoughts create who you are and by changing them you can create whatever you want in your life. Right now stop looking outwards and start looking inwards. Wish you all the best, Kat.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    That is really tough, luckily, you didn't have a life like mine (I was abused from the moment I was born) but my life is good. Nothing ever justifies abuse, even if you have a good start in life, nothing EVER justifies it. Once again, I am sorry for you, and I hope your life goes better from here on out.

    Source(s): personal life
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