Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 8 years ago

First boyfriend, together for 5 years,is breaking up right?

Hey, guys. I am going insane today, as last night I confided in my amazing boyfriend about my desires to experience so many more things than our serious 5-year relationship in my 20s (i'm currently 23 and he's 27). He is so kind and understanding, and after describing to him that I can't be sure if he's right for me since I've never been with anyone else seriously, and that I am a nomad and have severe wanderlust, he understood and held me while I cried myself to sleep.

We have always had a very good relationship, though I do feel that I can't fully express who I am (I'm an artist and I'm definitely "weird" in comparison to most people). We have absolutely opposite personality types, but it does seem to work. He is very logical and a computer science major, and I'm a mystic with a love for spontaneity. He's very opinionated and hard-headed, while I'm more open and positive. We met shortly after I turned 18 and moved to college, and have lived together pretty much ever since.

I'm going to study art in Italy for 4 months starting at the end of January. This decision was not based on our relationship, but my intense desire to see everything possible. He shares a love of travel, but not the spontaneous, passionate desire for strange places like I do. I can't imagine carrying feelings of doubt about our relationship overseas.

I have been thinking for a long time that our relationship and interactions don't feel exactly right. I feel like there's something lacking, and it's probably myself. I don't know myself because so much of my personality is derived from his. He taught me so much about life. Though lately, I've wanted to be out without him, and I have thoughts about other guys. I don't want to be domesticated, and I don't want to wake up in a few years and regret not trying other things. That's a huge fear of mine. I don't want to marry him after all these years, and I feel like maybe that's a sign?

We decided to break up last night when I told him these things (everything except the part about having feelings about others), we even talked about who would get what (between tears). He is gone today and tonight. I have cried all day and I literally feel like I'm dying. I can't focus on anything. How would I even live a life without him? I have to have him help me to break up with him... I know I should learn who I am, but I also feel like I'm making a terrible mistake by giving up someone who loves me unconditionally and deserves all the trust and love in the world. Am I doing the right thing? Will I regret this??

7 Answers

Relevance
  • 8 years ago
    Best Answer

    I almost started crying after reading this. I know exactly how you feel since I had the same problem. I had a boyfriend for a year and everything went great, we got along and lived together and I was happy and couldnt imagine a life without him, until I started thinking more about future and what I want from life. I am free spirit, with a great desire to get to know and maybe even change this world, to try everything, see everything and learn as much as possible. I want to meet new people and different ways of living, and I can say I am optimist and do not have fears of being on my own. But I had a hard time deciding what sacrifice to make. I chose myself. I can not say you will be right if you chose that too. There is no right thing, everything is right and wrong at the same time. The important thing is being able to find happiness. I am sure you would be happy if you stay with him, not the same way, but it won't be a wrong choice. Maybe even the feeling of being incomplete would disappear after some years. But you can never know that in advance. I support your decision. It will be hard and you will think about that from time to time, wonder what would your life be now if you stayed with him. But I can assure you one thing: adventures wait for you. Your life is what you make it. If you feel you have energy, use it! Do not waste a moment thinking weather you should do something or not. Just be spontaneous, follow your intuition and explore this world! Experiment, meet as many different people and cultures, share your ideas and creativity, share your love, and stay positive. I wish you good luck. You will be happy!

  • 8 years ago

    I'm sure you will feel bad about it, Its not easy being apart from the person you love (I recently broke up with my ex and its tearing me apart) but on the other hand its not fair to drag out feelings any longer than you have to. You sound like a great person and your relationship sounds great too but sometimes you just need take time out and "Find" yourself and you are about to do exactly that so my advice would to be let the break up have time. Its going to be hard and you are going to miss each other terribly but this is about you. Maybe you will have an amazing time in italy and manage to find out who you are and when you go home maybe, just maybe you will get back together. If you really love each other it will do you good, as you will both have time to think about things. All my best with your situation and im sure you will make the right decision either way

    Source(s): Myself
  • 8 years ago

    Awww, I'm so sorry you feel this way. I completely understand where you are coming from.

    In situations like these, you just have to go with your heart. I know that phrase seems overused and cliche, but it's true. If after 5 years you still feel like something in your relationship is lacking, then you should listen to your heart. I know it hurts because he's been by your side for so long and has taught you so many things, but sometimes you have to realize that maybe this chapter in your life is done. He gave you 5 years of happiness, and he fulfilled something in your life and became an important person in your life. But maybe now you need to start a new beginning. I understand that losing him will be hard and letting go will hurt, but if you truly feel that deep down he is not the one, then you don't have to settle just because you feel comfortable with him. Sometimes feeling this amount of comfort can be misleading; you feel that without him, you're now out of your comfort zone...but it will get better with time.

    Letting go of such a good person is so hard, but don't ever settle for less than what you aspire for. That's something you WOULD regret later down the road.

    Best of luck :)

  • Rick
    Lv 4
    8 years ago

    Hate to say it but you have to break up AND you will probably regret it. Sound like you are both in different places in your life. He is ready for total commitment and you are definitely not. Don't be surprised if a incredible woman comes and snatches him up. Guys like that attract a lot of women. Not to sound egotistical, but this is exactly what happened to me. I was with a girl I loved unconditionally but I had experienced life, she had not. She was 5 years younger than me. I had been in the military and traveled the world. We broke up so she could grow up. I met someone about 7-8 months later. eventually ended up married. The younger woman left note on my car night before wedding essentially saying it was biggest mistake she ever made. I was completely flattered but was too late. Best of luck...life is not easy sweetheart...sorry

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 8 years ago

    If you want to explore that's what you want to do. Understand that you are taking a huge risk. Say you don't like the dating world and you realize he's the one for you....but he's with someone else....maybe expecting a child....who knows. Your taking a risk though, as long as you know that, do what you want.

  • 8 years ago

    You want to explore life's possibilities and work on yourself..and developing a career..nothing wrong with that.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Guess what sweet cheeks?

    Life sucks no matter where you go, you get rid of this man and he will find another one just like you

    go for it, take a dive and find out for yourself,

    you will soon wish you hadn't

    Life is short, and your life in particular is meaningless

    traveling the world for you is bad for the world, don't spread your disease you peasent

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.