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請問英文好的人可以幫我改我寫的文哪裡有錯嗎??拜託謝謝~~!

好像是錯在tense和word choice請問整段有錯的地方要怎麼改可以幫幫我嗎?拜託謝謝!!My choose university dormitories.I am a university student and I must going to school every day. Maybe I have a question what is about residence. So, if I decide where I will live at university, I will choose university dormitories. I chose to live in dormitories because it’s convenience going to class, very freedom, more cheaply than outside, fast network and good contact with people. We could not wake up to school early and near to school. While I go to party, I can late to back. The university dormitories rent just seven thousand eight hundred in a semester but the outside residence must six thousand in one month not include a utilities costs. The school network is not only free also quickly that is better than home network. The dormitories only one defect sometimes has a lot insect. So, when I make a decision, I will choose the university dormitories.

3 Answers

Rating
  • PONY
    Lv 7
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    更改重點說明:

    1. 標題:

    choose 是動詞,choice才是名詞,所以改成My Choice about dormitory

    2. 結構:

    文章首段引言贅句太多,語意不清,所以刪去頗多。改寫後雖然不致完美,但至少主題句My decision is that I would like to choose the university dormitory as my residence during my college life.應比原稿清晰許多。

    3. 請多使用相關的慣用語:

    to live in college/university dormitory (很少人用dormitories);on campus; off campus; to build up a social network; to keep close contact with others; during my college life; to wake up in the morning; it costs Sb how much money; Sb spends how much money; to have the access to Sth (Internet; school network);in consideration of…

    4. 請適時利用轉折語,連接句子段落或轉換語氣,例: besides, also, moreover, however etc.

    5. 請替換使用正確或更精準的字彙,例: residence,economical, proximity; per month; each semester; excluding; advantage; disadvantage; pest (害蟲,如鼠、蟑螂、蟻等) (通常insect指好的昆蟲) My Choice about dormitoryI am a university student and I need to go to school every day. Perhaps, the first question bothering me is where I should live. Then my decision is that I would like to choose the university dormitory as my residence during my college life. It’s mainly because residing in the student’s dormitory is convenient, free, and much more economical than outside. Besides, staying in the dormitory helps build up the social network and keep closer contact with others. Also, it won’t be necessary for me to wake up early in the morning because of the proximity. If I need to go to a party, I can always hang out longer there as well. The dormitory rent costs me just seven thousand and eight hundred N.T. each semester, while I have to spend at least six thousand N.T. per month, excluding utilities, if I rent an apartment off the campus. Moreover, the access to Internet on campus through school’s network system is not only free but also much faster than the one at home. The only disadvantage that I can think about at this point is that there are lots of pests in the dormitory;however, I still would like to choose the university dormitory in consideration of so many advantages.

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  • chen
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    choosing the dormitories in my university .I am a university's student and I must be going to school every day. Maybe I have a question what the trouble is about residence.

    So, if I definitely decide where I will live in it ,

    . I shall choose its dormitories here in the university

    I have chosen to live in dormitories,

    . because it's pretty the convenience going to class,

    . very freedom, and it spends more cheaper in the inside than

    . the outside ,

    . the fast network which is good contact with people.

    We could not wake up to school in the early morning

    . and it’s also the school nearby.

    While I go to party, I can return back lately .

    The university dormitories rent for students just about

    . seven thousand eight hundred in a semester

    . but the outside residences for us must have to pay six thousand

    . in one month not including some utilities costs.

    The school network is not only freely but also quickly

    . such a network is better than home one The only one of defects in its dormitories is something

    . like a lot of insectsSo, when I make a decision,

    I will choose the university dormitories.

    2011-11-11 16:43:43 補充:

    My choose university dormitories

    choose [ 該字是動詞 非名詞]

    I must going [ 少原形動詞 be ]

    其他........

    敬請指教!

    Source(s): S.H. Chen 系統工程師的居酒屋
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  • 您好

    My chooseuniversity dormitories.I am a university student and I(原 must刪除)going to school every day. Maybe Ihave a question what is about residence.So, if I decide where I will live at university, I will choose universitydormitories. I chose to live in dormitories became 原because it's改用 to)to convenience going toclass, very freedom, more cheaply than outside, fast network and good with peoples.(原people少s )We could not wake up to school early and near toschool. While I go to party, I can late to back. The university dormitoriesrent just seven thousand eight hundred in a semester but the outside residencemust six thousand in one month not include a utilities costs. The schoolnetwork is not only free also quickly that is better than home network. The dormitories only one defect sometimes has a lot insect. So, when Imake a decision, I will choose the university dormitories.

    重新整理 ,容易閱讀。

    My chooseuniversity dormitories.

    I am a university student and I going to school every day. Maybe Ihave a question what is about residence.So, if I decide where I will live at university, I will choose universitydormitories. I chose to live in dormitories became to convenience going toclass, very freedom, more cheaply than outside, fast network and good with peoples. We could not wake up to school early and near toschool. While I go to party, I can late to back. The university dormitoriesrent just seven thousand eight hundred in a semester but the outside residencemust six thousand in one month not include a utilities costs. The schoolnetwork is not only free also quickly that is better than home network. The dormitories only one defect sometimes has a lot insect. So, when Imake a decision, I will choose the university dormitories.

    願您福慧增長,感恩。

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