I have no friends, no real family, and i'm so lonely I just want to try killing myself again?

I feel like my life has been a disaster

-I'm a 20 year old male

-I am not in school now, & I have no good job i just work at a cinema and everyone hates me there.

-I have a poor relationship with both my mother & dad; we barely talk, sometimes we go days w/o saying anything to eachother & my dad mostly just yells at me for not doing anything with my life.

-I have ZERO friends; I haven't had any real friends since I was 17

-I have sometimes gone months without saying more than 10 words a day

-I have social anxiety when talking to any stranger

-I have not had any meaningful emotional relationships since I had friends

-I have frequently reccurring major depressive episodes.

-Insomnia & hyposonmia

-Fluctuating eating patterns

-Fluctuating exercise patterns

-I feel like I am very immature and have boyish-like characteristics.. Unattractive I think, anyway

-I consider myself somewhat intelligent & bright,DEFINITELY much still ignorant & uneducated

-I have poor communication skills (due to lack of education & NO ONE TO PRACTICE WITH)

-Unkempt self-appearance (not too bad, but I DEFFINITELY neglect myself)

-Bad, crooked teeth

-Very pale skin

-I've gained alot of weight

-Lack self-discipline

-For some reason i have became an alcoholic, and i cant pinpoint the exact reason why

-Trying to read more books lately to increase my knowledge & expand my vocabulary

-My favorite thing to do with my life... is go to therapy. Sad.. (just started going)

-I have "special friend" in my life....but he works nights....and sometimes we hang out during the day and stuff when hes home...and he tries introducing me to his friends, but i'm nothing but a nut case, and dont fit in with anyone at all. and i guess i am happy when hanging out with him, but that still doesnt take away my overall pain in my life.

I also have another friend that lives accross the country from me, but i know i get on his nerves, because he is the only one i feel i can trust with telling my life to (so i tell him everything), but he has been avoiding me alot, because i think he realizes i am a freak case, so im going to try leavin him alone.

I feel my parents have done a really poor job of taking care of me, though I think I might be responsible for part of this because I never "cried for the help I needed" I felt guilty whenever I asked for anything & thought that my parents would just know the best way to take care of me (... very stupid of me..). So now I guess I have severe self neglect problems, maladaptive avoidant behaviors, constantly contemplate suicide..., & don't know how to put my life back together... except go to therapy for a long time & sort this out...

The only diagnosis I have received (of this year) is Neurotic Depression; my therapist doesn't really "do diagnosis".

I really need to get my life on track... I'm so lost & confused & lonely.... I really wish I could cry right now...

I keep thinking I should kill myself because of how far off course my life is & how much I am constanly stressed out, never having any moments of relief... In my head I am always trying to decide between living & trying my hardest to get my life on track & make something of myself & find happiness or giving up & commiting suicide because I think trying my hardest won't be good enough & I'll end up exhausted, miserable, & unhappy till I die... I'm really not sure I should even bother with this life anymore.. My future seems so bleak and futile... & needlessly painful. I should just put myself out of my misery....

I really just need someone to listen to me and offer some help right now.. One hour a week with my therapist seems to only be a TEASE! to me....

I want to get back to having friends , I want to get into school & get educated, I want to have a decent career...

Any advice is appreciated. SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG & INARTICULATELY WRITTEN

10 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Okay, let me tell you something...

    I'm not really good with the whole life saving speeches, but i just lost my bff to suicide about a month ago, so i feel like helping you. You're probably not gonna believe me on this, but dying isn't what you want at all, and all this sh!t in your life? It isn't your fault, and i need you to understand this. It's not your fault. Your parent's behaviour, your friends leaving you, the external situations that have befallen you over the years? It's not your fault. And f*ck a decent career, you could have an incredible career, i may not know you but i know what humans are capable of, you could be anything, work your *** off and you can have it. But you need to surround yourself with friends who will have your back, they're hard to find "i just lost the only one who put her life on line for me, so i guess we're in the same boat eh?" but that means you need to start talking, say anything and just talk, and "try" to get in touch with your parents again please, i know they can be "impossible" sometimes but if you go your whole life resenting and ignoring them you'll end up a very very sad person, when it comes to the thick of it they do love you, they might just have trouble expressing it. And I am so happy that you want to get your life back on track though, very proud! You're head is still screwed on tight so that's good :) Finish your education, change jobs, make peace with your family (it’ll take time) and find new friends, starting from as soon as possible, change. And you’ll make it to finish line.

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  • Robin
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    I've been in the same place and the same situation earlier today too. This is on going contemplating and wondering if you should "Take the easy way out," so take this from someone who has been in the same shoes wondering the same thing throughout the years of his teenage life. I know it sounds cliche, but you shouldn't end this life. Even if people around you seem to be happy and have everything, the truth is, chances are those same people are going through the same things that you are, or at least been through it. You mentioned that your circumstances may not be the worst of all lives, people feel like this and go through this everyday, but you know what, they don't call it quits, they don't just give up on themselves, they strive to better their circumstances whether that be the immediate future, or the so called "long run." I've heard many successful people that have battled depression, and still maybe are, but they have achieved so much in their lives. Now lets be realistic, I'm not saying it's guaranteed that you or even I will get to where ever we want to be in the future. All I'm saying is that there is hope for you, and there is hope for me, and you can wait for that one "lucky break" to happen, but that doesn't happen to everyone. You've got to take control of your own life, and plan out what your goals are, whether that be making new friends, or even taking control of your life. Unfortunately, we don't live in a world of super heroes where someone is going to save you every time you fall, sometimes you gotta pick yourself up off the floor because no one else is there to help. I am asking you, a stranger you've never met or probably will never meet, to keep fighting and keep living, and keep those dreams and goals alive, I don't have super powers to magically make you better, but what I do have is encouragement to step through and keep fighting the fight, and when you fall again, look straight ahead and look at what's in front of you, and don't give up on yourself When you lose hope, think of what light you could contribute in a dark shrouded world.

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  • 9 years ago

    Look man, killing yourself isn't going to solve anything.. there are people out there that you are compatible with you just have to find them.. get your ged or if you have graduated then get into college and work your *** off and hit the gym and boost your confidence a little. If you go to college you're going to meet new friends.. also try and look at the bright side sometimes, don't always think negative that will just make the depression worse.. you are not that old you can definately get your life back on track.. it will be hard but WORTH IT

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  • 9 years ago

    My dear young man.

    I happen to stumble into this inspiring quote today and want to share with you:

    "Life is about learning to grow. Without learning we don't grow. Without growing, there is no life. Pain and suffering is part of life, because of which we learn how to grow stronger and healthier."

    You are in this period of lack of confidence and suffering and you can take it as a downfall and let it drown you or, this can be an alarm for you to improve and be a better person. If this can comfort or inspire you, I can say that I encounter people that were in same situation than you before and they have gone through it and have a very satisfying life now. One of the author that really inspire me is Og Mandino. If you read his biography, you will know that he was homeless, alcoholic, his wife n children left him, and he was so desperate that he planned to suicide...but luckily he did not. He is now one of the most inspiring author and a model for everyone. The future is in your hand and everything is possible. If you need to talk, you can write me back.

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  • 9 years ago

    Daniel,

    Try really hard to love yourself. Many people are hurting so badly that they can't see any hope or relief. Pick a good thing out every day and make a huge deal of it. LOVE YOU Daniel, when you accept that you are a neat wholesome person who has just been in so much pain...Try hard to pick out a few nice things every day and get back to being Daniel Good Luck

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  • 9 years ago

    It's usually when people are so down,..that the best in them comes out.

    Sticking it out is where the challenge is.

    Giving up leads nowhere.

    Everyone's family is dysfunctional.

    My family doesn't talk to each other either. (they like it that way)

    Stick around, kid.

    Tomorrow's another day.

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  • 3 years ago

    1

    Source(s): Keep Marriage Alive http://enle.info/SaveYourMarriage/?G227
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  • 9 years ago

    Check out this book, it taught me a lot about how to talk to people and really changed my life:

    http://www.scribd.com/doc/71992445/How-To-Make-Fri...

    It teaches you how to take control of your shyness and anxiety, then goes into teaching you how to talk to people and teaches you communication skills naturally (the way everyone else learned them) then it teaches you body language and how to speak and carry yourself... it will help you more than any answer to a question on here could :)

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  • 9 years ago

    Please don't , get some rehabilitation help, and get too a doctor as soon as possible.

    You should relax for a little while .... Hope this helped

    Source(s): I went through a depression too, and still am ....
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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    damn man, i feel you. i only go to therapy for an hour and it sucks. i wish it was longer.

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