I carefully read your text, but what impressed me the most was your last sentence, you miss your old "you" and you would like to feel happy again. This is good, it means that you are not going insane, you are just fighting against your self to combat your negative feelings and be yourself again. The thing with your boyfriend, you just have to clarify it, you have to talk to him about your fears and ask him to give you a sincere answer. But the most important thing, is to try to get a job, I don't know where you live but you could try with any job, (even in cafes, or babysitting etc) so that you see people and you are less depressed. Many people, including me, are in your shoes, so dont feel alone, find the courage to search for a job, at least this could solve some of your problems. And dont worry about your friends, if they are true friends, they will not misunderstand you. Take care Mia and have faith. ..