Feeling jealous of a co-worker because the office is throwing her a baby shower and they didn't throw me one..?

Yes, I am having a pity party but I am truly super jealous and angry and my feelings are legitimately hurt.

I'm 31 years old and a single mom of a 1 year old baby. When I found out I was pregnant, I showed up to work every day, was in great spirits - had an excellent pregnancy but I didn't have a shower thrown for me.

My coworker (who is an assistant here) is married to a broker in the office and the office decided to surprise the both of them with a big office baby shower (even though they already had their baby shower at home and received a lot of stuff). Everyone is pitching in money and buying her gifts and I can't help but feel really jealous and let down. I get along with everyone GREAT - which is what I don't understand? Why didn't I get a shower? I mean, I have been with the company for 4 years (she's been here 1 year). I was desperate for things considering I was going to be a single mom.

Was I just not deserving of it because I wasn't married?

I realize a lot of you are going to say rude things because YES, this is me being bratty - and to be honest with you, I never once was upset about not getting an office shower (I didn't even think about it until I got the invite to hers).

The shower is this Friday here in the office (a surprise) and I honestly think I am going to call in sick to spare the humility of being the only girl in the office with a baby - co-workers WILL be taking into consideration that I didn't get a shower I am sure. It's just embarassing. I don't need to buy her anything (and can't afford it anyway) - I have given her 2 of my swings, a bumbo and TONS of maternity clothes. These people have MONEY! WHY do they get a huge shower from a bunch of rich people? YES! I'm GREEN WITH ENVY!!!!!!!!!!!!


9 Answers

  • Beth
    Lv 6
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I don't blame you for feeling jealous and hurt. It's really not fair. Personally I think work place baby showers are a bad idea in general, for just this reason. Either do it for EVERYONE, all the time, or don't do it at all. In the initial brainstorming stage of this, someone should have said "We didn't do a shower for so-and-so last year, it wouldn't really be fair to do one now for someone else." If some individuals still wanted to throw this girl a shower, they could have done it at another location, outside of work hours. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about it.

    Calling in sick Friday sounds like a good idea if you don't feel like you can handle being there. I wouldn't blame you at all for skipping it. Whether or not you go, you certainly don't need to buy her a gift. If you do go, a simple card should be more than enough considering how much you've already given her.

  • 6 years ago

    I totally understand how U feel. Iam not liked at all at my job all because I had a issue with one co worker now all of sudden damn near everyone don't like me. It's hurts my feelings that I didn't even get a congrats or anything. They don't want me there so it's really hard for me but I need the money so I have to suck it up. Me and u both aren't really making a lot of money so we doing the best we can. I know I'm late on this but I hope things for better for u

  • I know how you feel, me and a co worker were pregnant at the same time I was due 2 months before here. I worked until I was 37 weeks, and never once was it mentioned that they would throw me a baby shower. But after I had my baby and was still gone, I heard that they threw a big one for my co worker. We both got along with everyone at work, so it baffles me, I'm also a single mom and I don't have any help, I could have used some extras badly! She has a bf who also works to help her out, so yes as immature as it sounds I felt like I needed the help more.

    But now, honestly I'm glad I didn't get the babyshower, I've done it all on my own, and I'm am perfectly ok with the fact that I don't need anyones help.

    And even if I had been invited I wouldn't have gone.

  • Kriss
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    well, either you aren't as well liked at work as you think you are or as this couple is or your coworkers were sending you a silent message that they don't approve of you having a child w/o being married. (edit: good call on the poster who pointed out that this could be a suck up moment to her husband. which would mean it wasn't politically expedient to give you a shower----no one to impress)

    yeah, people really are that judgemental.

    acknowledge the jealousy & disappointment and then move through it & realize that you shouldn't overly invest a great deal of your time or life w/ this group of people outside of work. Just do your job.

    since you've already given the expecting couple things you no longer needed & that they could use, just tell anyone who asks that you gave your share already & you won't be contributing any further.

    If it's going to bother you being at the shower then go ahead & call in sick that day & treat yourself. It's better you sit out a day rather than risk making a scene that might reflect badly on you professionally.

    and BTW: unless you had your baby a couple of months ago, no one is going to be thinking "oh we didn't give her a shower". Unless they are your friends, coworkers are usually pretty clueless about what's going on outside of their own lives. Yeah, they know you were pregnant & had a baby but that was over a year ago & it's all forgotten now.

    Your hurt & disappointment are reasonable & expected but you just have to roll w/ it & realize that these people have just shown you that they aren't really your friends. They're just your coworkers.

    Good Luck.

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  • k88dad
    Lv 6
    9 years ago

    While some are biased against single mothers, the real answer is that she's married to someone higher up. Even subconsciously, people tend to suck up. It's also possible that she is more popular around the office. Who's throwing this shindig? I'm guessing one of two possibilities: 1. good friend(s) of the mother-to-be (can't blame them--especially if they're not close to you,) or 2. the biggest suck up(s) in the office. How'd I do?

    My advice--if you can't be civil--is to take a sick day. If you can be civil then find someone going in on a group gift and chip in a few token dollars. You can explain what you've already given and play the poor-single mom card. People get it.

  • 9 years ago

    Your feelings are totally normal. I'm sure it has nothing to do with you not being married, it probably is because they both work there. I wouldn't call off. You don't want to start bad feelings, but I would mention this to someone that you are friends with at work. Sometimes things aren't fair at work. I've sat through numerous birthday parties at work for new people who are terrible at there job and they've never had one for me or the group of teachers that were hired around me. It happens don't be upset.

  • 9 years ago

    I didn't get a baby shower at all!! I am still happy for my friends and attend or even plain their baby showers! The way i see it just because I didn't get a shower it doesn't me they don't deserve one!!!

    Im sure Ill get thumbs down but its what I think! Im sorry you didn't get a baby shower! Everyone deserves one I don't care how little/alot amount of money they have!

  • Linda
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    I dont think you have to get them gifts, but thank you cards after the baby shower is a great thing. You buying them gifts defeats the purpose of what they are doing.

  • KitKat
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    get over it. either participate or don't.

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