Rate/review beginning of my story? :) (super long n slightly morbid hehehe)!?

I'm 15. try to keep up cuz its not too hard...i guess its easier since i KNOW what its all about, but you dont...enjoy! :)

I thought that maybe death would be a good thing. A better thing than it was life, since so many people around me had wished for it earlier. I assumed that, if I was dead, I would get to start over. Kind of like a game or a tape recording. No, but life isn’t like that. I couldn’t just fast forward or rewind the moments I liked best. I thought that I would finally get out of this living hell and be able to go join my family in whatever afterlife awaited me.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I’m either a freak or there was an error in their calculations. Who’s calculation, you might ask? Those pesky, annoying, badgering, lying, cheating, ignorant, silly little people that think they rule the world. Yeah, it was those people. The people that have are the worst control freaks ever. Welcome to a world where the secrets of the government cannot be kept, even after death.

They told me that one bullet to the head would do it. They said I might feel a bit of pain, but it would be over quickly. I was supposed to go to heaven, to be with my family again. My family had chosen this way out of life, too. The government offered death to anyone who wanted it. The world was falling apart in every impossible and improbable way. Raging forest fires, earthquakes, tsunamis, and every other disaster that could go wrong, was going wrong. I wasn’t sure if I was on earth, living in hell, or wishing for heaven. Maybe all three.

It didn’t really matter where I went or what I did anymore, because I would always remember that there were no better words than to some up a story with “the end”. It was “the end” of human civilization, and earth as we knew it. Scientists frantically searched for ways of survival, but deep down where reality lay silently, we all knew there was no escaping our fate. Fate can sometimes be cruel but to sentence all life to death was beyond words and emotions.

Fate started its ways first when people would start to disappear. It baffled everyone, but made people go on overdrive at the same time. There was no order, no pattern to the disappearances, but people would just be gone. The news started spreading rumors about some sort of foreign countries taking hostages or something. Every day, it seemed like there was a new reason why people were gone, but they didn’t actually make sense. People inhaled the stories like Americans gulp down hotdogs and french-fries. My family started taking precautions. We locked the windows and the doors, slept all in the same room, ordered things we needed online so they were delivered right to the house, but blackout curtains up everywhere, kept lights off, and locked all the electronics in a separate room. I have to admit I was upset, way past any 1-10 scale. Scratch that; upset doesn’t begin to describe what I felt. Pissed is more accurate. I could’ve gotten 500 puppies and still been mad that I didn’t have a phone, computer, iPod, TV, or anything! Of course, I had books, but eventually it just gets so boring.

Next, natural disasters started happening. Everywhere, all at once, and it seemed never ending. Volcanoes erupted for days, tsunamis drove the coast dwellers inland, ash rained down like snow, earthquakes struck the large cities. I couldn’t begin to describe the swell of emotions that hit me wave after wave every day, even in my sleep. I cried when other people cried, I sympathized when people moved inland, I threw tantrums when another tsunami struck.

The air was so thick with emotion, my throat constantly ached and swelled. I didn’t know what to make of everything going on. There was no one to talk to. My sister would sit across from me on the couch staring at the ground the entire day. The look in her eyes made my blood run cold, so I always reverted my gaze to the ground or the walls. Anything that wasn’t living would’ve worked.

I worried for my sister and my parents. There was no emotion in their eyes. They were dull and had a glazed over look. I wouldn’t thought they were dead if they didn’t eat or move or breath. I couldn’t help but say that they just looked so empty. There was no other way to describe it. They looked like they knew it was over. That life as we knew it, was no more. I didn’t like the way they looked, but I never said anything. I’d rather feel pain than feel nothing at all.

The most recent event was the offer of the government. I didn’t understand it completely. I wanted to die, but it seemed like it wasn’t the right way to go. My family was the first to grab hold though. For some reason, that spark of hope, the determination in their eyes that I hadn’t seen for weeks, made me want to believe that maybe this really would be a good thing. They promised just one bullet to the head would do it....*no more room left, sorry!*

rate &rev


sorry for mispelling *rate and review!!!*

im 15, and i hope you enjoyed n thx 4 taking the time 2 read this :)



Update 2:

If i published the entire story, (this is only a part of the beginning) would you like to read it?? sorry for so many questions! :) thanks for the reviews so far!

2 Answers

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I thought it was pretty good! I really liked the line "They promised just one bullet to the head would do it". There are a few mistakes, but you know that so it's all good. I think, with a little editing, it will be an awesome story! Great start and keep up the good work!

    Source(s): My own humble opinion :)
  • 9 years ago

    It's great!! What i love most about it is the idea- it's new and original and very interesting to read. and yes, i would love read the entire story.

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