I have done NOTHING with my life?

I'm 23 years old. Ever since I was 13 I have been acutely mentally self-aware. I have had everything I wanted to do and could do, very clear in front of me. I had definite plans, to excel in so many fields. It has been ten years and I have done absolutely nothing, for no good reason. I am very passive. I waste... show more I'm 23 years old. Ever since I was 13 I have been acutely mentally self-aware. I have had everything I wanted to do and could do, very clear in front of me. I had definite plans, to excel in so many fields. It has been ten years and I have done absolutely nothing, for no good reason. I am very passive. I waste time. Time never lasts quite as long as I think it will. I am surprised at how quickly the hours pass as I do nothing special. Day after day goes, more like a waterfall than a stream. A day is microcosmic of life. I come to think of a day as an indivisible unit of doing nothing, but the last ten years have consisted of thousands of days, and the same attitude to every day ensures that a decade is lost.

I feel so depressed. I have always dreaded oblivion, more than anything. I have met so many mediocre people who were happy with their mediocrity. I would laugh and be easily assured that I would never be like them. This was when I was 13. As I grew older, the gap between me and others was increasingly bridged, as I saw how my passivity was lagging me behind. I would no longer be assured, I would have to vow not to be mediocre. Now I am 23 years old and because of circumstances I have not even finished my first university degree. I am no one and no one knows who I am. Only I know who I want to be. It seems a far cry, growing farther with age.

What can I do?
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