Anonymous asked in Education & ReferencePreschool · 8 years ago

Is my 4 yr old Son being picked on by teacher?

My Son has just started school, and within 2 weeks of starting the teacher started pulling me to one side saying that he was misbehaving, ie pulling, hitting people etc - I was horrified and made sure my son knew what he had done wrong and had toys taken off him etc. He has not hit anyone again... but I think this may have set the tone...

Then week 3 she suggested he was assessed for 'special needs' This worried us hugely as we thought - yes he may be a typical little boy how might get a little over excited from time to time but nothing as extreme as this.

I spoke to his after school/nursery teacher (who has had him since he was 2) she said he was fine and a joy to have - she felt that the teacher seems a little harsh on him sometimes. We have also taken our son to the school nurse and the doctor who all think there is nothing wrong with him.

I thought he may take a little while to adjust to school life as its a big change - he has no sibblings and is a very young 4yr old in his class. In my opinion he is adjusting to his environment and sometimes he may get a little over excited - but I feel this teacher is going a little over the top, we have notes in his report book for most days.... ie. He threw some sand today, another day he threw a toy and so was told to stand outside etc. I understand this is not acceptable behavior but I feel that surely this is everyday stuff that the teacher just deals with - we will install in him to behave well at home etc But does she need to report every little tiny thing he does?? Its feels as though she is nit picking?!

He has now been at school a month and there dosent seem to be a day where she has not commented about him misbehaving for things which seem tiny in the grand scale of things, so long as she tells him he is doing wrong at the time, why is it reported to me everyday like I am being told off?! They also have homework every day? Is this normal for a 4 yr old? Its either reading a book and reporting on it or writing. Surely if they cannot get this done in 6 hours at school then she is doing something wrong? I am open to homework but say a book at the weekend not every night..... he's 4!?

Id appreciate any thoughts, I know kids arnt angels and I dont expect my son behaves like one - but he isnt as bad as she is making out Im sure of it.



I understand my son is no angel totally - I am not blind to that - and believe me my son is punished when we are told he is naughty, he has things taken off him until he can understand what he has done wrong.

My question is that the after school club take a completely different view and have even said that they have witnessed her being a little over strict with him, like telling him off because he jumped in a puddle? My point is... should she really be making an assumption that he has 'special needs' after 3 weeks when we have had his doctor and the school nurse look at him and they say he is fine? I just feel - yes he has been a little naughty in the beginning and I take total responsibility for that - but now she is picking up on everything he does - like for instance.. she thinks he may need his hearing checked because he doesnt always answer her when she calls him - isnt that pretty normal for kids? ?

15 Answers

  • 8 years ago
    Best Answer

    the classroom teacher needs to report every misbehavior to you. that way you cannot claim that, "You never heard about it." if you deny there is an actual issue she needs to make you aware that there is an issue. from what you said...he misbehaves every day-that is not normal behavior. it was incredibly unprofessional for the after-school person to comment on the classroom teacher's actions-she is not in the room-she did not hear any of the discussion before the incident...she isn't aware of how he acts in that classroom, that is why I wouldn't trust her opinion. she is not credible. lastly--hw is not leftover schoolwork. it is to enrich your child's learning experience or practice learned skills. reading a book each day should be standard for all children. i think 3 weeks is too soon to start throwing around "special needs" unless she is referring to a particular behavioral intervention-how academic have they gotten with the lil guys in 3 weeks?? If I were you-I'd make an appt. to discuss his behavior issues...maybe try to work out a management plan--teacher sets goals (that are attainable for him) gives reward immediately (even if that is just praise or a sticker)...maybe if he has so many positives you can reward him at home each day too-this way you are both working together to make school a positive experience for him.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Sounds like a normal teacher to me. The behaviors you listed are things that the teacher HAS to notify you about do to the fact that they are unacceptable in a school environment and that's something you need to work on with the teacher, yourself, and your son. Obviously taking some toys away isn't help the situation.

    I volunteer in a classroom and I have seen my fair share of trouble makers and that seems to be what your child is doing. He could be acting out for attention. A lot of children get this way when they are starting out in school. It takes both the teacher and parent to set things right and it's the teacher's job to report what the child does, no matter what "number on the scale" it's on. Just like it's important for the teacher to notify a parent if they have any speculation of special needs or hearing loss. It's something a teacher must keep an eye on. And lastly on this subject, when a child is a trouble maker a teacher tends to pay more attention to them than any other student. If your child is throwing sand or toys that's rather important. There's a chance he could accidentally hit another student with a toy or even get sand in someones eye. You may not see it as important, but when it comes to a child's behavior it is VERY important.

    Second. reading and writing is something a student should know by the first grade, which is why there is homework every night to help them learn both. There is nothing wrong with that, besides it's not just your child who has to do this homework.

  • Haggi
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    The report book is useful tool to ensure you know how your son has been getting on at school. You should not view it as a negative tool, hopefully there are also some positive comments in there as well.

    The reading is probably based round you reading the story to/with him and then talking about it, this is really important way to ensure he is learning to comprehend. This is a vital milestone in any child's development. Writing practice is also a vital skill you have an invaluable role in supporting your little man in.

    His day at school will involve learning both formally and through play, teachers do the best they can but the demands of today's curriculum mean that your support outside of the classroom is also vital.

    Talk to the teacher, she will be happy to answer your questions.

    Sorry now to sound a negative note but throwing sand, toys etc isn't acceptable, just stop and think how you'd feel if these things were been thrown at him. He needs to learn that this sort of behaviour is unacceptable and again you need to work with the teacher to achieve this.

    He is young and has just embarked on one of life's great adventures and with your love and support he will be just fine.

    Um! does sound as though she may be being unreasonable. So take him to get his hearing and eyesight checked then you rule those issues out. Be brave and take up the special needs checks and if as you suspect he is fine she'll have to deal with and if he needs/deserves a little more help take it. Good luck.

  • ?
    Lv 6
    8 years ago

    As a teacher for many years I would invite the parent into the classroom, and they can see the child in the environment. As a teacher you should graph behaviors, if it is a behavior problem a referral can be made, to other components, first they will ask you as a teacher what have you done to alleviate the behavior? I redirected the child, etc did you individualize with the child if the child is hitting read books about hitting if they are teasing others etc. This may be a way to get attention so the teacher should analyze this, the child may not be interacting with others and wants to be involved so he overreacts. Talk to the supervisor and ask for a plan of action for the teacher, if the supervisor feels your child needs a referral you can bet she has set in the class in observe the child and given the teacher strategies to use. Most centers have a monthly meeting and the teachers and the supervisor as well as the agency components sit and talk about ways to help and assist the teachers with the children they have in the classrooms. As a parent you should ask the teacher well you tell me every thing my child is during that is negative, what is he doing that is positive? Does he ever do anything positive in the classroom? This may get her to thinking, well he does--- well etc. Many teachers want a classroom that stands in line and she can be a puppet master, this sounds like a child that is normal in every way and she needs to do a little bit of work adding the child to the lesson plan for individualization, accessing the child, strategies etc.

    Source(s): Supervisor through the commission of teachers credentials
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  • 8 years ago

    4 year olds do not have homework. If you have enrolled your child in a program you do not know about you should investigate and possibly move him. Some people feel that young children should begin school work as soon as they can lift a pencil. Very often boys are not ready for intensive school work until they are 5-6 years old. until then he needs to be supported in a literacy rich environment, supported to make choices to experiment with writing and reading, and allowed to explore the world around him and the things that are interesting to him.

    If he is acting out, as the teacher seems to think, then I would guess he is not ready for homework and is bored and frustrated. What happens during the day? Are they all sitting down and writing while the teacher talks at them?

    On the matter of the teacher coming to you with each incident. Talk to the teacher ahead of time, before she gets a chance to unload a list of negative on you, and thank her for being so diligent with behaviour because it takes more than mom and dad to raise a child with good manners, it takes support from many areas. Assure her that you are supportive of her efforts with your child, then let her know that you don't want to dwell on all of the negatives and ask her if she can tell you about something you know your child is good at.

    If she can't name anything I would be concerned. In your report journal if there is somewhere that you can write send her a little note about something exciting or fun that you have done with your son and how he responded. Let her know about moments you see him acting kind or respectful.

    There is a chance that your child acts out more when you are not there. It happens. It also happens that teachers pick on students. I would learn to accept that your child and the teacher are somewhere in the middle, perhaps she is tough on him, but perhaps he is a handful. Supporting your child is one thing but you need to begin to show your child he can do the right thing even if he gets in trouble now and then.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    When I was in reception, my teacher always singled me out from the rest of the class and reported everything to my parents. She even told my mum to punish me at home, but I wasn't naughty at school, I think I was just bored because the work was too easy for me. I would suggest not taking much notice of the teacher, but make sure he behaves at home.

    As for the homework, if you think it's too much don't push him, because he might end up not wanting to do anything. Reading for around 20 minutes each night is essential though, for imagination and developing his vocabulary. Speak to him about the story, asking him his favourite character and why, etc.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago


    The ability to read is vital for success. It helps your child succeed in school, helps them build self-confidence, and helps to motivate your child. Being able to read will help your child learn more about the world, understand directions on signs and posters, allow them to find reading as an entertainment, and help them gather information.

    Here you can find a step-by-step online program that can help your child learn to read:

    Learning to read is very different from learning to speak, and it does not happen all at once. There is a steady progression in the development of reading ability over time. The best time for children to start learning to read is at a very young age - even before they enter pre-school. Once a child is able to speak, they can begin developing basic reading skills. Very young children have a natural curiosity to learn about everything, and they are naturally intrigued by the printed texts they see, and are eager to learn about the sounds made by those letters. You will likely notice that your young child likes to look at books and thoroughly enjoys being read to. They will even pretend to behave like a reader by holding books and pretend to read them.

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  • 4 years ago

    If you want to show your little kid to read popular words that'll probably run into and that are conditions to simple phonetic principles then things you need is here , Children Learning Reading program.

     Children Learning Reading is a phonetic based reading system. This means that it first shows your youngster the letters of the alphabet and the sounds they make. It then applies this understanding to greatly help your youngster determine words based on the sounds the words make. The program is designed to train the basic "code" for reading initially. Only after it's been learned are conditions, difficulties, and modifications introduced.

  • 8 years ago

    It is required of the teacher that she keep you informed as to what is going on at school. She is also required to pass on any suspicion she has that your son has special needs to support can be arranged ASAP.

    It may well be that other parents have complained about his behaviour.

    Frankly your attitude sounds very much like you don't care what his behaviour is like at school, and that it is not your responsibility to help deal with it. Sorry, but it is your responsibility and you need to step up to the plate and work out why your son is behaving badly.

    Reading and writing is very important to learn early, as by the time he is 5 he will be expected to be writing in full sentences.

    I think you have it in for the teacher.

    >>she thinks he may need his hearing checked because he doesnt always answer her when she calls him - isnt that pretty normal for kids? ?<<

    No! She is *required* to inform you that he may have hearing loss!

  • Bobbi
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    She is busy trying to 'catch him being bad' vs what she should be doing (catch him doing good). Your child is probably fine, and SHE HAS THE PROBLEM. Can you transfer him to another class? School should be special and fun at this age. Keep him in there and he might end up hating school. Him being 'naughty' in the beginning is usually kids testing the teacher. Don't fret over this. She doesn't sound suited to teaching preschoolers. And homework IS NOT NORMAL for 4 year olds.

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