chan asked in 社會及文化語言 · 8 years ago

urgent!!!英文grammar!!20 points!

因為d grammar唔肯定..幫幫忙!! thx!!

Scary shoes When I got the flyers about the big sale of ice-skating shoes, it reminded me of that horrible experience I had. It was a sunny spring when I hurt my right leg. On the18 of February, my mother and I went shopping together as we wanted to buy some new clothes for Chinese New Year. There were heaps of people in the queue at the skating rink for new ice-skating shoes. Later on, we followed the crowd to the skating rink. We saw some people skating on the rink really well, they looked like professional ballet dancers on the stage. I begged for a pair of the same shoes, so I could skate like them some day. In the end, my mum bought it and that’s when it happens....... After I got on my ice-skating shoes, I found that it was really difficult for me to take my first step as I fell on the ground. However, I did not give up and trying to walk continuously, then the worst of the worst happened. A boy skated into my direction and suddenly, pushed me on the floor as his speed was very fast. Unfortunately, my right leg was hurt. I was afraid and panic. My leg was bleeding like a volcano exploded. His ice-skating shoes cuts through my thigh. Most people stopped and looked at me. I felt embarrassed with my actions. The tears falls like waterfall fell on my mother’s pale face. She called an ambulance immediately. A boy apologized and decided to pay for my medical fees. After five minutes, the ambulance arrived. The staffs used gauze to make my right leg stop bleeding and helped me into the ambulance. On the way to the hospital, the staffs comforted me by telling “Your leg is not very serious, don't worry.... we will arrive very soon...." but it was obvious that it was not because my clothes were already covered with heaps of blood. I saw myself still having those shoes on. At that very moment, I hated those shoes! What if I couldn’t walk anymore? After a while, I lost my conscious.

Update:

‘’Wake up please! My sweetheart, I am so worried about you….’’ The voice was very familiar. Oh! It was my mother’s voice .I opened my eyes and she was standing in front of me.

Update 2:

‘’Where am I now?’’ I asked.’’ You’re in a hospital, you already had been sleeping for two days after the surgery.’’ she replied. Two days!! I couldn’t believe that I slept for two days.

Update 3:

she replied. Two days!! I couldn’t believe that I slept for two days. I couldn’t remember anything after picturing the consequences without my legs. I was confused as I didn’t know what should I do at this moment. I tried to move my right leg but I couldn’t.

Update 4:

I didn’t have any feeling no matter how hard I punch my leg. I started crying and my mother asked for help. A doctor came and gave me a check. After checking, he told me it was normal for it was numbed.

Update 5:

I just needed to go for a two months physical training and my right leg will recover. During these two months, I went to training and a boy visits me every day.

Update 6:

Time files, it was in April. The doctor allowed me to go home at the end of the month, but I still needed to do my physical training every two weeks. I felt so good because I missed my home really much. On the 29 of April, my mother picked me up from the hospital.

Update 7:

On the way of the cashier, she told me that she threw my skating shoes because it covered with blood. I wasn’t sad. On the other hand, I was happy because I through it was given bad luck to me.

Update 8:

When my mum wanted to pay my fees, the cashier told us a boy had already paid. I was surprised because he remembered what he had promised. I admired him for his behaviour.

Update 9:

After that accident, skating shoes were my nightmare. Anyhow, the pain is still there likes a knife to remind me that skating shoes was dangerous. Therefore, I quickly threw away the flyers to prevent having my nightmare replay.

3 Answers

Rating
  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Itwas a sunny day in spring when I hurt my right leg. On the 18thof February (last year), my mother and I went shopping together as we wanted tobuy some new clothes for Chinese New Year. There were heaps of people in thequeue at the skating rink for new ice-skating shoes. Later on, we followed thecrowd to the skating rink. We saw some people skating really well on theice. They looked like professional ballet dancers on the stage. Ibegged for a pair of the same shoes, so I could skate like them some day. Inthe end, my mum bought one for me and that’s when it happens.......AfterI put on my ice-skating shoes, I found that it was really difficult forme to take my first step as I fell on the ground. However, I did not give up buttried to walk continuously. Then the worst of the worst happened. A boy cameup behind me at a very high speed and suddenly pushed me on my back. Unfortunately,I fell on the floor and hurt my right leg as his skates cut my thigh. I wasafraid and in a panic. My leg was bleeding like an erupting volcano.Most people stopped and looked at me. I felt embarrassed with my actions. Thetears were shed like waterfall on my mother’s pale face. She called anambulance immediately. The boy apologized and decided to pay for mymedical fees.Afterfive minutes, the ambulance arrived. The medical staff (singular)used gauze to stop my right leg frombleeding and helped me into the ambulance. On the way to the hospital, oneof the staff comforted me and said, “Your leg is not veryserious. Don't worry! We will arrive very soon." But obviously, it wasnot true because my clothes were already fully stained with blood. Isaw myself still having those shoes on. At that very moment, I hated thoseshoes! What if I couldn’t walk anymore? After a while, I lost my conscious.

    2011-10-03 19:18:34 補充:

    ‘’Where am I now?’’ I asked. ’’You’re in a hospital, you have already been sleeping for two days after the surgery,’’ she replied. Two days! I couldn’t believe that I’ve slept for two days.

    2011-10-03 19:22:29 補充:

    I didn’t have any feeling no matter how hard I punched my leg. I started crying and my mother asked for help. A doctor came and gave me a check. After checking, he told me it was normal for being numb after the operation.

    2011-10-03 19:22:42 補充:

    I just needed to go for a two-month physical training before a full recovery of my right leg. During these two months, I went to training and the boy visited me every day.

    2011-10-03 19:23:04 補充:

    Time flew and it was April. The doctor allowed me to go home at the end of the month, but I still needed to do my physical training once every two weeks. I felt so good because I missed my home really much. On the 29th of April, my mother picked me up from the hospital.

    2011-10-03 19:23:17 補充:

    On the way to the cashier, she told me that she had already thrown away my skating shoes because they were covered with blood. I wasn’t sad but was rather happy because I thought it had brought me bad luck.

    2011-10-03 19:23:34 補充:

    When my mum was about to pay my fees, the cashier told us a boy had already paid it. I was surprised because he remembered what he had promised. I admired him for his behaviour.

    2011-10-03 19:23:45 補充:

    After that accident, skating shoes became my nightmare. Anyhow, the pain was still there, like a knife reminding me that ice-skating was dangerous. Therefore, I quickly threw away the flyers to avoid replaying my nightmare.

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  • Jenkin
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    On the18th of February,

    There were [我不太肯定heap是正確形容人群的量詞,就算是可以也是heap單數的] a crowd of people in the queue at the skating rink to purchase [for本身的意思未夠說明,通常如果用for會表示一些直接的意思,似如前述的queue是排入去溜冰就是for skating,而你的下半部是新溜冰鞋,全句的意思好像不太對勁] new ice-skating shoes. Later on[later on = 及後,跟你前述的買衣服之間沒有關係似乎不妥,應該不需要],

    we followed [我想比較好的意思是 were drawn by = 被那羣人吸引了…去] the crowd

    We saw some people were skating really well on the rink, they performed like professional ballet dancers on [] stage.[原字是甚為中文的思想,英語用詞你要注意實際表達的是甚麼 – 不是他們樣子或打扮或服裝似(look like的意思)]

    I begged my mom to buy me a pair of the same shoes [] so that I could skate ... that’s when it happened..........to take my first step and I fell onto the ground. However, I did not give up and tried to walk ...A boy skated into my direction []suddenly, ...My leg bled like a volcano exploded [這不是英語的比喻,情況也不是如此嚴重]. His ice-skating shoes cut[past tense of CUT] through my thigh. ...I felt embarrassed with my condition.[你尷尬的是你的受傷情況,這狀況不是你的動作或行為] The tears fell like waterfall [] onto my mother’s paled face.[這裏是用pale(動詞)來形容她的臉因為見到你受像而面青白,如果用pale face意思是皮膚白淨或膚色白晢的原色澤] ... The boy apologized and decided to pay for my medical costs/expenses. [fee不是用於這些服務的費用-fee一般是用於參加一樣活動或加入一項計劃的付款(例如學費、遊學活動、政府牌照收費等]...The paramedics [救護員的正確稱呼]... , the paramedics comforted me by telling me ...

    it was not the case in my point of view because ... covered with a pool [再次懷疑heap是否英語人的慣常用詞] of blood. I saw I was still having those shoes on. ...After a while, I lost [] consciousness.I am so worry about you

    Where am I []?’’ I asked.’’

    you already have been sleeping [現場說話]

    I was confused because I didn’t know what A doctor came and gave me a check up. After checking, he told me it was normal for my leg was numbed. [同一句用兩個不同意思的it會很混亂的,這裏要講清楚會比用pronoun好]I [] needed to go for ...my right leg would recover. ...I went for training and the boy visits me every day. [用the是表達指明是(撞倒你)那個男孩吧]

    2011-10-03 17:55:43 補充:

    I thought [原本的through是「通過」用錯字或誤串錯了

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  • 8 years ago

    Dear Miss Chan:- Urgent Grammar20 makes you realized what's wrong in your grammar Remember a Relative Clause depends on (that) eg The ice-skating shoes (that) you bought from shop brought you bad lucks!Contact me @toming88@net.You will notice,briefly, from the 15 grammar errors and corrections are for your good differ from the goods you bought.Learn well!

    (1) Scary Shoes relates to advertising flyers;experience(I have)had.(present perfect tense)

    (2)Skating on the rink looking(gerund) like professional ballet-dancers on stage(a simile)

    (3) when the nightmare happened.(perfect aspect)

    (4) continuously; then

    (5)with my (position) a correct common noun applied.

    (6) tears (fell)

    (7)by saying

    (8)was obvious not that my trousers.

    (9)"She replied Two days! I couldn't believe that I slept for 2 days" a typo errors repeat in 41 seconds!!!!!!!

    (10) It was in April (Keep past tense regularly)

    (11)physical training or occupational therapy (keep correct phrase,terms)

    (12) (really)

    (13)On the way to the cashier,she had thrown......of its,Because I thought it had given(past participle form of the next verb)

    (14)for his trust to his duty.

    (15)nightmare happened again.

    While I shall do everything possible to help you to correct grammar errors,it must be realized that locally you should email me for any questions.

    yours Toming88@net.....etc

    Source(s): me
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