Anonymous asked in Social ScienceGender Studies · 9 years ago

So is it OK for a man to deny his partner sex?

Inspired by some recent questions in which it is suggested that women should not deny their partners sex ever and that women who do are being really unkind or manipulative. My sister in law is quite upset at the moment because her husband never wants to have sex and she feels that he no longer finds her attractive. Its been about 6 weeks. He is well and their relationship is good otherwise. Does anyone think she should have the right to demand sex from him as her right?

I have simply suggested she try to find out if he is worried about something but he said he was not - just tired.


He did actually tell us he was not physically attracted to her when they were dating but that the sex was good and that he enjoyed her company - he thought they would fizzle out. When they moved in together we thought that he had grown to love her and all was well. She has lovely bright blue eyes and shiny black hair but my BIL has taken some abuse from work colleagues because she has polycystic ovaries and is very very big and has facial hair she foolishly shaves. I think this may be why he does not want to have sex with her as she has got a lot bigger lately (UK size 26) but my point is would it be accepted for a woman to stop having sex because she was less attracted to her husband or does this right belong solely to men?

Update 2:

Poweranni - I agree with you completely. I use the word 'deny' because that is the word used in the series of questions on here about women not wanting sex. I agree it is a blaming word - I would use decline myself.

Update 4:

Sadly, she denies that she has facial hair. I tried tactfully to bring up the subject by talking about a really good wax I have for my eyebrows and claiming to have facial hair myself which I also treated with it but was thinking about electrolysis because it was really good. She immediately got very defensive and said she does not have any facial hair even tho she quite clearly has a 5 o'clock shadow by lunchtime.

Yes, my BIL gets abuse from men he works with and this is his own fault because he has been offensive about some of them chatting up overweight women on nights out. He now does not take her with him with he goes out after work.

11 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Nobody has a "right" to sex. However if you are MARRIED you should do it at least once in a while. I think there is a misunderstanding here ... "denying" a person sex makes it sound like you are playing a game. It is not denying a person sex if you are not in the mood.

    It has been six weeks and he doesn't want to get it on ... I am not sure if "denying her sex" is the right term. But it sure sounds frustrating. She is on the road to a marital crisis because they aren't communicating.


    Well it sounds like you hit the nail on the head ... she married a man who doesn't have that zing! attraction for her.

    In her case I would pay for laser treatment for facial hair, if I could afford it. If not, I would use cold or hot wax. Test a patch under arm. The facial hair is absolutely unappealing to 99.9 percent of men, and it is deeper then "sexism" or "cultural biases." She should also drop weight. It is killing her marriage. If she is morbidly obese, she should do anything in her power to change that ... get the lap band if she has to.

    There is something of a myth, that ALL men ONLY want women who look like supermodels. That isn't the case. But men and women do want partners who have pride in their appearance and their own particular craft.

    My belief is this ... if she does her part to look her best, she is pulling her end. He might not be even reacting to her body ... he might be reacting to her state of mind.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    Well, the Bible says that it is wrong to withhold sex from one another except by mutual consent and for the purpose of prayer and fasting for a time. That goes for both man and woman. So it is sinful to withhold sex purposefully. However, there may be a physical illness or problem, that is understandable, I think the spouse should remain faithful despite the illness. If the person is just withholding on purpose, it is time for some marriage counseling. That is super important. Also, why is sex withheld? Is it because the spouse is cruel or makes abusive comments? Then, whose fault is that? Anyway, it is wrong to withhold, and it is wrong to be unfaithful. Two wrongs don't make a right. Get counseling, it is the best thing.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    It's her fault for not dealing with her PCOS. The condition does NOT force her to stuff her face with high sugar junk food. All she has to do is buy a diabetic's cookbook and follow the meal plans. This will drastically reduce the effects of PCOS. She will lose weight and the facial hair will decrease.

    She can not use her PCOS as an excuse for being fat.

  • 9 years ago

    i aint in a relationship right now. but honestly id deny a girl sex if i was dating her, until she begged for it. because im sure id bug her a lot and the attention women get when there guy is always wanting to have sex with them, they like the attention and im sure they like the sex but not all the time you know? or as much as guy's want it. So once it stops they start wondering why.

    so yeah just stop asking her for sex and see how long goes before she start's questioning her looks or wondering if she did something than she'd surely come over to you and want sex.

    but sh#t 6 weeks? that's odd maybe he is cheating? only thing i can think of as to how you want to go 6 weeks and no sex if you have the OPTION! i mean this fool is married youd think he find his wife attractive. maybe its a personal issue or something with his body if not than id think its cheating or he is just weird.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    The role of the female subspecies is to look after her man and bear his children. It's her duty to provide him with sex whenever he wants it (within reason). If she doesn't look after her appearance then yes, it's okay for him to not want to have sex with her. Women think that it's okay to get fat after marriage and it's not. If he doesn't want sex from her then she's doing something wrong and should ask him how she can improve on her faults.

  • 9 years ago

    How can demanding sex solve the problem? There are underlying issues which need resolving. I think their marriage is very risky on all grounds. Something she should take into account.

    She does need to lose weight.. You bil takes abuse because of her??? Dear me.

    Off to counselling if they want to save their marriage.

  • Anon!
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    She has hands right? Jk!

    He'll want some sooner or later.

    If it takes over 2 months somethins up, you should stalk him all hours of the day :D

  • 9 years ago

    Yes. Having sex with an ugly woman can make men become homo.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    It goes both ways, there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes one or the other just isn't in the mood.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Maybe he is not physically attracted to her. She should tie him to the bed with fluffy handcuffs and force him to have sex whether he likes it or not. :P

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