Can you correct or rewrite my poem?

in the journey of my life , you belong to me

i don't care who you were or who you are

i do care what you got in your heart

you got my home where i dwell

i am a citizen of your love

you are the light guide me in the darkness

your lips wipe my tears in my sadness

you are gift ascended from heaven

you are a messenger for my life

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  • Roger
    Lv 7
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    This is not my kind of poem, but I fixed up some of the English. I eliminated the last line because it makes no sense to me.

    in the journey of life, you belong to me

    i don't care who you were or who you are

    i do care what is in your heart

    you are my home, you are where i live

    i am a citizen in the country of your love

    you are the light that guides me in darkness

    your lips wipe away my tears in my sadness

    you are my gift from heaven

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    you are the light that guides me in the darkness

    your lips kiss my tears in my sadness

    you are a gift descended from heaven

  • 9 years ago

    I could point out the errors in punctuation for example, but it will probably go right over your head if you do not even have a basic grasp of English Grammar - and you're trying to write poetry. Pathetic really.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Roses are red,

    violets are blue,

    i'm not sure what i'm doing,

    so now its up to you!

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