Does this sound like a good novel?
It is about me, my name is Simon Crowe and i am friends with this person called Johnny Hitchcock. He is like the best friend that you could ever have, we would tell jokes together and tell funny stories, also horror stories. We were sixteen years old, it was our last year of school. We both entered school together and saw a dead body, just lying there on the floor. We were petrified. I didn't like blood at all, it freaks me out. Johnny ran outside of school because he was too scared to see the body. It was one of the teachers, his favorite teacher, Miss. Jones. I ran outside of school after him, I didn't want to speak to him, because i don't know what he will do to me. He might cause a fight with me, or not speak to me again even though that it wasn't me. He was crying, the tears were like raindrops on the floor.
I stepped forward towards him 'Johnny speak to me' he looked at me, like it was my fault that she died. I knew that i shouldn't have spoken. Anyway... Johnny turns out to be the killer because i see him killing the headteacher, my heart was pounding against my chest. The day became Halloween, i had a knife in my pocket. I asked to speak to him somewhere more private. Outside of school, i got out my knife and aimed it at him.
I knew this would happen. You finding out. Well i will tell you why, those people i killed were evil to me, none of them cared about me. My mother, my father, those teachers, those students. None of them, they would push me around.'
I understood what he was feeling, i carried on looking at him, whilst the knife was shaking in my hand. I stabbed him in the stomach, he looked down at the stab wound. He didn't fight back, he knew that this day would come between me and him. He wanted to die, he looked at me one last time, 'Thank you. You are my hero' was his last words, right before he collapsed on the floor. Blood was surrounding his body.
What do you think?
- TeganLv 59 years agoFavorite Answer
1. The way you've written this is just terrible, a 12 year old could do a better job.
2. "the tears were like raindrops on the floor." no...just...NO.
3. A 16 year old would be in 10 grade so I don't see how this is their last year in school, unless they were planning to drop out together, if so then you should add that.
4. Does this sound like a good novel? After forcing myself to finish reading it I think it could be a good novel, the overall idea isn't so bad and I like the twist but it all goes back to the way you've written it.
- Anonymous9 years ago
Well you have a good start but it's not enough for a good story yet