I'm pregnant, should I leave my boyfriend?

I am almost 2 months pregnant by my boyfriend of just over a year. This pregnancy was unintended and he does not want me to have it. He says he wants us to have children one day, but he is not ready. We are both in college, but I have a child already from my previous marriage. He says he does not understand how I could feel that I love my baby already, and that if I care about the future of our relationship I will abort it or put it up for adoption. I am scared to have to do this alone because I don't think he'll be involved if I keep the baby, but I also can't stand either the thought of abortion or of carrying my baby for 9 months and then not raising it myself. He says that it is not a baby and my desire to have it is irrational. It seems to me that my feelings are being brushed aside, and being told that I don't really love him because I want to keep it has really affected the way I feel about him. I do still love him and can't imagine my life without him, but I am getting so depressed and also don't want to be around him too much because I feel sick over the entire situation. I have tried to explain why I want to keep it, but he says he needs to hear a logical reason and not one based on "I love it" or "Abortion is the wrong choice for me." I don't know how to explain it to him. While I can respect that he doesn't want to be a father right now, I also feel like I need support from him, he needs to acknowledge me as a mother carrying his child, and the arguments need to stop. What can I do?


I'm only 7 weeks, but we have known about it for the last 5. I was very sensitive to the hormone changes immediately and took a test the day I expected my period.

Update 2:

In the interest of being fair to him, we had plans for our future. We were going to travel, and we both have career goals that mean a lot to us. He feels that travel and strong career plans will be ruined by a baby right now. He says he does love me and wants to have babies when we are ready but now is not the time. So I do understand his feelings. I just don't want him to understand that while I am listening to him, the decision has to be one that I as the mother am ok with. He doesn't understand how I could possibly not be on the same side as him and is confused and feels betrayed by me. I in turn feel betrayed by him.

Update 3:

*I just want him to understand

NOT *I just don't want him to understand.


Update 4:

*I just want him to understand

NOT *I just don't want him to understand.


5 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    how much time has he had to absorb the idea. there is a saying that women love their baby the moment it's there,

    and men love their baby when the see it the first time.

    If it's a choice between him or your baby, pick the baby. That's easy.

    And tell him he has the choice to stay or go.

    I personally don't believe in abortion (ESPECIALLY due to poor timing).

    you could pretend you're going to adopt it out, and then change your mind once he's met the baby.

  • 9 years ago

    I am 17 and just found out I am pregnant. It was a total shock to me and my boyfriend. I am living with him at his parents home on a farm.

    My lifelong goals were to be a vet before having children so that I had the money and career to support them. I'm in college studying an Extended Diploma in Animal Care.

    The unplanned pregnancy did not make me change my lifelong plans. I'm putting university on hold for a few years. I'm finishing college. Me and my boyfriend love to travel, and love going to Wales.

    Having a baby is not going to stop you doing any of your dreams. Speak to him and explain that he can go along with his life goals, you can travel with a baby/child, it would just be an extra spark to your life.

    If he cannot understand, try to reason with him. If he is worried he can't travel, tell him that he can go on holiday without the youngster every year (either leaving the child with family, or he goes and you stay home). Reason with his life goals, tell him that you do not intend in changing his life goals, and he can still go to college and get the job he wants. There is government support for studying parents.

    I hope this will help you, if you need to chat just send me a message and I'm happy to help.


    Source(s): This is how I spoke to my boyfriend.. x
  • 9 years ago

    You have to decide what is more important to you, your travel plans or your baby. By the way, I took my then 2 year old travelling with me. She's now 4 and myself and my fiance are still avid travelers and are our taking her travelling with us next July with my son who is due in January. Children don't stop you doing whatever you want, Your frame of mind does. My advice would be to do whatever you feel is right, I wouldn't abort a baby because your boyfriend doesn't want him/her around. My first child was with a man who didn't want a baby and then i met my fiance and we are delighted with the unplanned news of our son.

    Source(s): experience
  • 9 years ago

    Tell him it's your body, your choice!

    With that being said tell him if he wants to leave hes more than welcome to because you aren't going to be controlled by someone who is using your unborn child as determination as to weather or not you love him and if he wants to go you want it i writing that he will not try to gain custody of your baby because you love him/her and don't want him/her to ever feel that they were a "mistake"

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    You don't need him,

    if he really treats you that way..

    over something that means so much to you

    then he does not deserve you.

    I think you can do it by yourself if needed be.


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