I feel depressed and sometimes i cannot handle?

I am constantly feeling sad and pessimist. I feel depressed with myself and i hate it, i hate everything and seriously i hate myself. it's just that you cannot help anymore you feel like a burden to everybody. i had enough of being bullied because i can't hear properly. When you can't sleep you go to... show more I am constantly feeling sad and pessimist. I feel depressed with myself and i hate it, i hate everything and seriously i hate myself. it's just that you cannot help anymore you feel like a burden to everybody. i had enough of being bullied because i can't hear properly. When you can't sleep you go to school, have a hard day and when you come back home you just sit and think about it. it makes me mad and desperate for some kind of love i am not asking for full attention but if just someone would have asked me about my day or if i needed something, i genuinely think i wouldn't be depressed. I am not being rude but sometimes i cannot handle myself i just start to think about improper things like hurting myself. I cannot sleep very much. Whenever i look back i got no one understanding me. I feel like a stranger to myself. i do not know what to do.

I feel privileged but unhappy with my life, i'm17 but inside of me i'm slowly killing myself. I have anxiety which make things harder. I truely want to help people, to make them more comfortable. I also wanted to make people aware that bullying people with handicaps is not a good thing. it mentally hurt them and make them frustrated. Just try be in their place for 1 day, you'll know the difference and parents, make them aware that their kids sometimes need them a lot. But I think now i am more like sinking, i do not feel that much alive and worst of all those headaches. I tried to talk to people but they didn't care. i blame myself again, for being too shy and i can't tell them. Whenever someone ask about your 5 next years. i just think and tell myself deeply, there might not be 5 years left.

I just wanted to write about it.and ask about what i should be doing next. I know that i am a loser who wasted all your time and that there is more important thing that a teen but i can't help it, i didn't ask to be depressed. Every single day is a battle for me, though i lost most of them. I hope you forgive me for this. i also know that i am not good in writing, it is because i am not in a state to write things. i am over-fed of behaving as if i am okay. thanks for reading, if you did.
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