Think I might have a mental disorder?
I think I might have some kind of mental disorder. I'm not sure what, or if I'm just making things up in my head or what. I'm 16, female (if that makes a difference). I also cut myself because I just feel so horrible and disgusting all the time and I can't cope even with the smallest of stresses. I have thought about suicide on thousands of occasion, and often find myself fantasizing about throwing myself in front of oncoming vehicles. I'm really anti-social because I hate having to interact with people I don't know/like (which is most people) because I feel they don't like me, or want to talk to me and I feel unbearably awkward. I am extremely irritable all the time and have always had a problem falling asleep and waking up. Lately I've been almost crying at tiny things - including getting a question wrong in class and I just feel rubbish all the time. Maybe I'm just being a hormonal teenager, but I need to know for sure if I am, or whether there is actually something wrong with me.
- 10 years agoFavorite Answer
Hunny i really feel for you. I went through a similar thing when i was 16, i got really depressed and had the exact same suicidal thoughts. I'm 20 now and feel like those thoughts have gone down alot. Remember that it will get better eventually, it might not feel like it now but these feelings will pass. Try to stay positive, don't beat yourself up over feeling this way. You have alot to live for. Good luck.
- Anonymous10 years ago
You're pretty classically "neurotic" - not sure what name they put on this these days, but that was the old term. It's just that all the bad stuff in your life is focused back onto YOU. It's like you throw battery acid in your eyes all day long. You want to punish yourself - and so on. It's very common unfortunately more among girls than boys.
You KNOW you need a shoulder to cry on - but I bet you never had one. Your parents probably glossed over your problems. And even if you did have a shoulder to cry on, you wouldn't because you feel you're 'not worth it'. Etc. Etc. It's a shame because very probably there's nothing wrong with you at all - normal intelligence - normal abilities. And yet EVERYTHING is wrong.
It comes out of childhood - being abused in many different ways. Often times the abuse is so subtle that you have no idea it went on - like being ignored or left out of things - abandoned to be on your own. And you adapted to that - it might have seemed ok at the time - but what it meant was that 'you're no good' - 'people don't want you around'.
It's a total bummer. So all I can say is to cut yourself some slack. You've had a hard time of it, and you feel sad - and it's OK - it's quite normal. What you feel didn't just fall out of the sky - there's a definite reason you feel lousy even if you don't know what it was.
So the idea is to go back in time and try to figure out what went on - what did this??? And this is why we invented psychologists to help do this. You can talk it over with a good friend too. Ask other family members what went on that would result in this (expect a LOT of denial though!).
You don't have a mental disorder. What you feel is normal enough considering treatment you've gotten.