Im so depressed and sad, I need serious help.?

This is probably going to be a long rant/story, but i just feel i NEED to let it out. I apologize for the language im about to use as well.

Let's start with what happened today. I failed my driving test(CA) for the SECOND ******* TIME. I missed a day of school for this horse ******* ****, and now tomorrow, im going to look like such a jackass...Not saying im already NOT one. Im so angry and pissed at myself, Im disgusted.

Anyway, now lets get to the real stuff. I was born in 1995. My parents had an arranged marriage(That tells you a lot right there). They didn't meet each other until their wedding day. So in essence, im not even supposed to be here today(and I WISH I wasn't).

Now let's start with the real problem. I have absolutely NO Real friends. I do talk to people at school, hang out with them at lunch and snack, but I feel absolutely no real connection with anyone. It seems that a lot of people just hate me. For what? Huh? I haven't harmed ANYONE in my entire god damn life. Does my existence piss them off? Every year since 5th grade(Im in 11th now), I've always met someone that acts all friendly and nice to me, and I get an impression that maybe, just maybe, I'll FINALLY have a best friend, only, like a month later, to have these people start joining the crowd in hating on me.

Freshman year, there was this one guy who was completely new to our school district. I was his first friend at the school, and he openly admitted it. Lets fast forward to last year, and during a conversation with some other people I heard him say "Yeah, (my name) was the first friend I had here. What the hell was I thinking?" and then a couple of people around him started to laugh. I felt so depressed and sad that day. This happens just about EVERY YEAR. If you were to ask ANYONE in my "friends list" If I was one of their best friends, I probably wouldn't even be in their top 20, even though I try so hard to be nice to people, but not too nice to the point where they get annoyed. I compliment so many people, and try to help people out as much as possible. I'm not the perfect guy, I make fun of people sometimes, but only as a joke, and I make it clear that it's a joke as well.

Lets move on to "relationships". Not one time, has a girl EVER been interested in me. I feel that girls find me disgusting and putrid. Im taller than most people in my grade, and im pretty skinny, so my appearance problem factors into their hatred for me. Does anyone else know how it feels when you look around, and see so many people having close friendships, and you think about your own life and you don't even have ONE close friend? That's how im feeling right now, hell all my life.

People make fun of me at school ALL THE TIME. I know this is probably redundant on yahoo answers, and many people probably feel this way, but I feel so GOD DAMN WORTHLESS. I have absolutely NO TALENT at all in ANYTHING. If I were anyone else, even I'd want to beat the hell out of my self. Im so sick of this. People have told me countless times that "I'm useless", "I'll never amount to anything in life", "Why the hell are you even here?". I try to shake it off, but I feel like I just can't take it anymore.

Although my parents seem to love and care for me, I can tell that they regret having me. I know Im probably paranoid, but I have this lingering feeling that they regret it. They seem to have so many expectations for me, and I know I'm going to fail them, which saddens me so much, as they're seemingly the only 2 people in this world that care for me.

Im so low on confidence and self esteem. Suicide is NOT an option, because I don't plan on hurting my parents, since they're the only two people who care for me. I serve absolutely NO purpose to anyone. I'm willing to BET that people at school right now are so happy I'm not there. And I swear, I've never harmed ANYONE there. I've never insulted or mentally abused ANYONE. I just don't get why people HATE me so much. I know, people are going to tell me to suck it up, and be a man, and I agree with them. But I can't find it within me to do it, because I'm so mentally scarred right now. I have about 7 years of frustration, sadness, and depression that I've held in. I hate this depression, because there are BILLIONS of people that have it worse off than I do, and I'm sitting here, sad and depressed and sick of life, unable to do anything.

Thank you to anyone who read this, and any input that's put into my situation. I hate drama so much, but I need to let this out.

9 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Best Answer

    You remind me a little of my husband when he was your age (which was only four years ago). He had no friends in school and there were several time when he made superficial friends that later treated him worse than any random classmate. I'm sorry that you are going through this right now, and I hope that it gets better soon.

    I met my husband between his junior and senior years so it's not like you've missed your opportunity. I really pushed him to take pride in himself and I think that you should do the same. Be proud of the things about you that are great and try to find a way to change the things you don't like. I think that you will be just fine, because you seem like a smart guy (judging by your ability to write coherently), and you obviously have good intentions. I might point out though, if you are being overtly "nice" to people, it might be coming across as creepy and trying too hard.

    My ultimate point here is that you will probably find that you are more suited to life outside High School. I know my husband is, he is 21 now has a good job, and a girl obviously took interest in him. Also you will probably fill out, but going to a gym is a really good way to relive stress and body image issues.

    I hope things take a turn for the better, you need some sunshine in your life.

    Source(s): High School, that soul sucking beast...
  • 8 years ago

    My heart goes out to you. I have been there, not quite that deep. I didn't ever have a lot of people make fun of me, but I've had one or two people in middle school and high school that made my life hell. I wasn't exactly popular at all, and I hated myself. To add on top of it, my parents also had an arranged marriage :) Especially my dad was extremely hard on me. To be honest, I think he was depressed and would come home to yell at everyone, especially me because he was upset about his own life. It makes you feel worthless, like no matter how hard you try you can't please them and you can't please anyone else at school obviously.

    Let me tell you though, college is the ticket out of this mess. Keep working on yourself. Your looks definitely do change. I bloomed my freshman year in college. Not only because I changed on the outside, but on the inside because I became happier. I had a smile on my face more often and it wasn't fake either. I made friends that were mature, different, and more similar to my own interests. Things really do change. Maybe not the parents or some aspects with life at home, but YOU can change and I would use these years to work on yourself. Screw these guys, because years later they really will wonder why they acted the way they did. And that internal negative dialogue needs to be recognized. Everytime you hear yourself beat yourself up, replace it with something positive. Trust me, I've seen it happen many times that your time during these years get MUCH better later on. If you need to talk just message me, I'll guide you as best as I can.

  • 8 years ago

    Yes you do need serious help and I'm not being mean or facetious. You need a professional counselor to talk about your pain. As you already know, some people on here are crazy jerks and just say mean things because it's relatively anonymous.

    Having said that, you're not alone in how you feel about your life. I seriously doubt your parents regret having you as you say yourself that they love and care for you. It sounds like you're in high school which is like being in a pit of vipers for 4 years. High school sucks for most everyone and the ones it doesn't suck for look back on it as the happiest time in their lives which is frankly pathetic. There is life after high school and there's so much more to life than high school. Seems to me that in most high schools students are categorized by various superficial attributes rather than their character. You seem sensitive, intelligent, and may I just thank you for using proper punctuation and paragraphs!

    Please talk to your parents, or one of them if you feel one is more sympathetic than the other. I know that if my daughter were as sad and depressed as you are I'd want to help her any way I could. Ask them if you can see a counselor or a priest or whatever will work for you and that your family can afford. A professional can help you gain some perspective in your life and guide you to a better place in your mind. Please keep trying; it is worth it to do so. I sincerely wish you the best.

    Source(s): I asked my parents to let me see a counselor in high school as I was very sad and depressed about my life too. I'm very happy now and am glad I didn't do anything stupid back then.
  • 4 years ago

    This Site Might Help You.

    RE:

    Im so depressed and sad, I need serious help.?

    This is probably going to be a long rant/story, but i just feel i NEED to let it out. I apologize for the language im about to use as well.

    Let's start with what happened today. I failed my driving test(CA) for the SECOND ******* TIME. I missed a day of school for this horse ******* ****,...

    Source(s): im depressed sad help: https://tr.im/s8ocy
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  • 8 years ago

    Unfortunately, that is high school at its worst. I dropped out of high school when I was in the 10th grade because I felt the same thing. I actually felt I had no friends and the parents of my friends hated me. I was on the varsity softball team (as a freshman and sophomore), but with one bad grade that got me kicked off. I did have one really good friend that did get me through the bad times, but in the end I wasn't very good to her. (long story)

    It wasn't until 10 years later did someone facebook me and say, what the hell happened to you? When I told him the story, he said "sometimes perception isn't always reality" and you know what...he was probably right. I should have probably stuck it out. I didn't have the confidence that I have now of course, but I think that is what High School is all about. For some, they hate it (that was me) and for others...they LOVE it! Losers. haa haa

    Keep your chin up and try again on your driving test. Who cares if you missed one day. Also, with girls...soon high school will be over. With that being said, you can be who ever the hell you want to be because nobody cares. Really. Confidence will get you everywhere. Don't worry about the losers who will probably care about their 10 year reunion...life goes on after high school - usually better!

    Cheers!

    Source(s): life experinces
  • kately
    Lv 4
    3 years ago

    Help Me Im Sad

  • 8 years ago

    We all feel sad and depressed sometimes, and when we are sad, we never remember our happy moments, but for sure you had amazing moments in your life. Dude, the sun will shine tomorrow, Maldive Islands are still nice to visit, and Budweiser is still making beer!

    Depression is normal at your age. If no one hates you, then try to change something (learn to play an instrument, listen to Rock n' Roll...). If you feel than they still hate you, then you hate yourself. Blame yourself for all the bad things in the world, and you'll make it!

    I'm waiting your visit next summer! :D

  • ok whoa...that took me about 10 mins to read. Anyways, you're making it seems as if you have nothing else you can do. There's one option..IGNORE. I know 100% that it's hard to just "ignore" something like this, but lets face it..what other option do you have. I promise you, if you try your bloody best to ignore it, then you'll get so used to ignoring people that you wont have to care about what people say. You're how old?...about 15-16?? Depression at that age is just...NOT RIGHT AT ALL. If you think you're not attractive then GIVE YOURSELF A MAKEOVER. But my advice to you is to IGNORE. you'lll get your reward in the end..TRUST!

  • 8 years ago

    you shouldnt feel like you serve no purpose because you do....i feel like that sometimes too but i think of all the people who care for me..(my family, my husband, friends..) and i dont want to hurt them.. if you feel you have depression or sad talk to a therapist..i went to one and it helps...if it feels like you have no one to talk to theres always a counsler who is willing to talk to u and help u

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