YES! It is. It is in general and it is in this situation. It is one thing to say 'I feel suicidal and need help' to just threatening it and making everyone upset while not doing anything about it.
It may have been wrong for you to call her that, but you are human and it sounds like you have been holding the 'fort' up while everyone else flacks out, freaks out, and otherwise displays serious dysfunction in the family. That doesn't make you an abuser.
You have/had every right to speak your mind. . You are human , and have reached your limit. Anyone would call a chronic liar et al a b***h in some circumstances. She is failing and Flailing because he is so off and she needs mental health help very badly as well. You also now have a traumatized 3 yr old to heal and protect.
You are in the midst of something that is over your head in terms of mental illness.
His illnesses are no excuse for abusing , threatening or anything else.
You can do several things.
The first concern is protecting the child/ren , and you may need to report him for threatening you, and suicide each time , so that he will get the help he deserves., the courts and social services can force him to do that. THERE IS HELP AND HEALING FOR PTSD. He probably doesn't know that. I will give you a specific type of therapy for ptsd, it also works on children.
I think you should gather information. Talk to an attorney about issues like power of attorney due to his illness, medical directives and the like. If he is already on disability for mental illness, then you might be able to gain all that. Talk to social services, even if anonymous and ask them what you can do to protect yoru self/children, and make him get the help he needs. They may be able to help you make that happen.
If you can get the domestic violence documented also, by contacting domestic violence people in your area, they will help you and often have free counseling. Look under domestic violence in the phone yellow pages. At least document what is going on. They can help you through the courts also.
If you are in danger, you need to let them help you make a plan and leave, without forwarning him, or he could get violent.
Now, the ptsd and healing .
Here is a video of war veterans being healed with this method , of ptsd. stressproject.org operationemotionalfreedom.com If you can get him to watch it, do that, he may then voluntarily get this help.
Here are the trained practioners of this method eftmasters.com If you want the woman featured in the video, Carol Look, then go to her website and ask her to help you. Some of these people will/may come to your home, also. You can request the therapists and type of therapy you , the children and he gets, even if the courts intervene and want him evaluated by a psychiatrist.
All of these trained people know how to treat traumatized children with this method as well. As you can see , 'therapy' doesn't have to take forever and the trauma and ptsd can be quelled quickly. This method is considered 'profound' by the american psychological assoc and some doctors are using it.
And , you will need to clear out your own trauma .
Gavendebecker.com has written a book called 'FEAR' and he is describing it as a GIFT to LISTEN to , listen to our instincs and follow through on trusting them. He offers a quiz to help determine the level of danger one is in, but you already know. mosaicmethod.com go take it.
You need to understand that the mortality ( a women in a domestic violent situation, has a much greater chance of being killed or a child being killed , at the time they leave, which is why it must be planned out with safety in mind and completely secret, which I would be extra cautious of sharing details with the older child, making separate plans there, maybe)
So, yes, it is emotional abuse. Yes, this is domestic violence, and your reacting to all of it, doesn't make you an abuser to say '*****' after being fed up. Yes, there are things you can do, and you should seek help and document. Yes, he could be triggered in his ptsd by pretty much anything.
Yes, the police know where the shelters are and resources for domestic violence. Yes , there are people to help you all. Including him.
You don't have to do this alone.
Ask your angels to help you everytime you need it and be specific in your requests.
All the best. If he gets violent, call 911.
Get the right help, and get going.
EDIT: The adrenals are implecated in ptsd, since they have been on overdrive producing the stress hormones too long, they are wearing out. He should take 600mg of Panax ginseng at night for at least 6 months, perhaps longer.
That will help his sleeping and mind as well.and chamomile tea. Since the ptsd is simply a lot of trauma happening too fast for the mind and body to deal with. With EFT one does not have to re-live the trauma, which may be why he doesn't want to get regular therapy. Tell him that.
· 8 years ago