What do you think of my first fanfiction so far? (one piece)?

this is my first fanfiction and i want your honest opinion. its probally really bad but i judt had the idea amd wanted to write. srry about there being little to no capitilization ill fix that later.

Noble Swordsman

________________________

Flashback:

"father! father!"

"what is it, son? i am busy right now."

"but father! i have a dream!"

"a dream? and what is that?"

"mother told me about it! it is something you will do anything to accomplish, even of you die trying."

"oh? and what is you dream? to become.a great noble, i suppose."

"actually, father, my dream is to become a great swordsman."

"WHAT?!"

"A swordsman! i will train really hard and-" a bright red handprint appeared on the little boys cheek. he felt the need to cry, but held it in, fearing how his father would react if he were to shed tears.

"what kind of nonscence are you spouting? you will become a noble. you have no time to waste playing with swords. when i was your age i studied ten times harder than you. you come from a family of nobles, so act like it. as long as you live in this house you will do as i say, now return to your studies."

"yes, father." he could not fight back, even if he wanted to (which he did), his father had abused him to the point where he was emotionaly scarred.

"that damned woman. filling his.head with such foolishness. she spoils him too much, i will have to have another talk with her..."

that night, the little boy ran away, leaving everything behind excext an old shirt and loose.fitting jeans, owned by one of the servents. his mother's words never leaving his mind for a secend, dreams are precious things. if you have a dream, you must do whatever it takes to accomplish it, even if you die trying. no matter what, never give up on a dream.

End Flashback

________________________

"that damned brat. one day he just disappears, and then ten years later i find his face on a wanted poster! oi! keck! pack my bags! im going to the grand line! just you wait, son. ill get my revenge."

so

Update:

somewhere in the grandline, a sneeze was heard...

________________________

"ACHOO!"

"oi, marimo! keep your damn germs to yourself!"

"baka eyebrow, i cant control when i sneeze!"

"then learn to, damn moss head!"

"che"

"oi!!! saaanjiii!!give me meat!!!"

"you just ate 5 minutes ago, luffy"

"shitty cook, thats not enouph."

"whatd you say, moss head!"

"you wanna fight?"

it was an ordinary day for the straw hat pirates. sanji and zoro were fighting. luffy was demanding meat.  chopper was orginizing the medacine cabinet. usopp want making fire stars. nami was counting money. franky refilling the cola. brook was singing a new song. robin was reading a book. eyery thing was calm -well, sorta- but not for long. zoro caught glimpse of a row boat off storeboard (thats probably wrong, but oh well).

"oi! theres a row boat approaching from stroreboard!"

the crew ran to storboard to see a man in an emerold green row boat with gold lining, carrying a letter. as he approached the deck he bowed and held

Update 2:

out a letter addressed to 'Sir Roronoa Zoro'.

"a letter for sir roronoa zoro." he held the letter higher.

zoros face turned pale. "its been a long time, sir roronoa. our lord has sent you a message all the way from KōhanMidori kingdom."

"k- kecko!" (keck is the name of the servent who owned the shirt and pants zoro stole, its mentioned earlier in the fanfic, also zoro called him kecko)

"its an honor to know you remember me, sir roronoa zoro."

zoro stood motionless, simply staring at keck. finally, he spoke. "how... how did he find me?"

"well you see, our lord was quite astonished when a wanted poster was delivered with your name and face on it." he gave them the letter which fell onto the deck. "now, i really must be going. it was a pleasure to see you again sir roronoa zoro." and off he went, in the direction he had come.

"zoro?" everyone looked at zoro questiongly.

"he.. found me...."

"eh? who?" asked nami.

"ne, zoro, who was that guy?" questioned his captain.

"and why the hell did h

Update 3:

e call you 'sir roronoa zoro'" demanded sanji.

zoros hand shook as he slowly bent down and picked up the letter. sure enouph, it had a green seal that resembled a clock.

"damn!" zoro ran into the and locked the door. slowly, he opened the envelope and slid the letter out, letting the envelope fall to the floor. his hands shook as he read the letter:

dear roronoa zoro,

zoro, its been a long time. the last time i saw you was ten years ago. i miss you greatly, and i thought you should know that your mother is dead. she died a few years ago in an unfortunate accident, and i thought we could meet up some  time to talk. as soon as i learned that you were in the grandline, i packed my bags and set sail. well, keck packed my bags, actually, but thats beside the point. by the time you have recieved this letter, i will have allready entered the grandline, and be on my way to visit you.

may we meet again soon,

Roronoa Leontes.

"****!" zoro threw the letter onto the floor and banged his head a

Update 4:

against the wall. "****!"

banging was heard on the the door, zoro turned around.

"oi! zoro! whats wrong?" shouted luffy. "gomo gomo no.."

"oi! wait!" zoro cut down the door and ran out before luffy could yell "bazooka!" and jabbed him in the side with the hilt,

"what the ****?!are you trying to kill me?!" the entire crew stood there glaring at zoro. they had followed him to the when he suddenly ran away. "what?"

"zoro, somethings wrong." said chopper.

"eh? what?" zoro tried to pretend that nothing was wrong so that hopefully they would just think it was all just a dream. yeah, great idea zoro~ im sure thatll work~ (sarcasticness ~(*o*)~ )

"what do you mean 'what'? youre hiding something." said nami.

"what are you talking about?"

"the mysterious letter!"shouted usopp.

"and the weird guy!"

"what letter? and what guy?"

"what are you, five? do you really think thatll work?" yelled sanji. zoro had a surprised expression on his face. everyone, exept zoro, sweat dropped.

1 Answer

Relevance
  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    you should have posted a link lol would have been easier and 2 seems ok

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.