Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 9 years ago

How do i tell my guy he's a bad kisser?

Ive been dating this guy for about two weeks. Last night was our first kiss. I was expecting him to be amazing, then.. well it was a bit disappointing. All he did was shove his tongue in my mouth and drool all over me. How can i change that without hurting his feelings??

5 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    This is a tough one.

    It is even tougher to tell a girl that because girls just think they are all good kissers.

    And believe me, they are not.

    First, do not do what most girls do. That is, don't wait until the relationship is over then yell it at him in anger. They suffer though months and years of bad kissing just to hurl it at the end.

    Second, realize there is no such thing as a naturally good kisser. Even if he was good with the last girl it does not mean you will like the same thing. That goes for you too. What worked with the last few guys may not work for him.

    Third, you MIGHT hurt his feelings, but you have the right to be kissed like you want. He needs to be a grown up and understand that. He may get upset, but both of you are kissing. It is not just about him. Be nice about it and let him know you are willing to learn and help him be better. Let him know you are not mad or upset, you just want this to be fun and nice. Make it about both of you, not just his fault (even if it is).

    Finally, next time he starts to tongue and drool, firmly, but politely stop him. Tell him that that is not what you like and then kiss him like you want to be kissed. Show him the way. You girls ALWAYS complain about boys but never seem to want to teach them. We are not the experienced older guy who has been with 1000 women and knows everything. Girls are different from boys and sometimes boys need a little coaching. We may not like it, but if we make you feel better that is our goal.

    This is true for the other bases as well. If you don't like how he is running them girls, stop him and show him what you like. Don't pull the old "Everything you do is swell" during the relationship, then "You were always a terrible lover" when you break up.

    Then it is your fault and not his.

    Good luck.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    The first thing you must learn is that a bad kisser is just someone who didn't happen to do it up to your liking... the fastest way to make sure he's not hurt and that he fixes this is to tell him exactly how you feel. You don't have to bring it up saying it was bad, but you can tell him that you'd prefer if he'd try be a little softer because you prefer kisses this way.

    A well socially and cognitively developed human being has this nice capacity of being accurate in expressing explicitly their feelings and sharing ideas more openly with their mates... basically, what I am telling you is that when you hear guys saying of girls or girls saying of guys that they're complicated, it's simply that they face people who do not possess the abilities to be open, bold, regarding what they want, feel and think.

    Of course, I see the picture of what he was trying to do... but you have to understand that, to him, kissing may be pictured as this hyper-intense saliva exchange for some reason -- mostly model learning if you want my best bet -- while in your case, you were probably more expecting some sort of subtle, gentle, lip lock... almost just a touch that increases slowly in intensity. It was too harsh and aggressive a start, but if you literally tell him that since you plan on keeping him as your boyfriend, you'd like him to slow down with the gas pedal a bit, he might laugh a bit or smile at it and just change it.

    The thing is that you need him to accommodate his "kissing" scheme so that it fits your liking and you cannot do that by just putting up new requirements and not giving him the resources to fulfill your demand -- and resources as Vygotski puts it means in your case telling him upfront what you'd like him to do. Then, it's just repetition. In the end, listening in psychology classes is indeed useful!!!

  • DaMan
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    Just say "your a bad kisser and this is how I want you to do it".. something like that! Guys really really like it when girls are direct about it.... girls are the opposite so I know that does not make sense to you but trust me!

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Instead of telling him what you don't like tell him what you do,slow him down an take control,be honest with him but try to make out like its not a huge deal

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    practice makes perfect

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