Too hard vs. too soft discipline?

The typical debate in parenting is about which is best: the old stern methods of child rearing which seemed to produce well behaved, mature kids or the new permissive methods which produces spoiled kids?

I was raised with the old, brutal method and never found it to be very good but the new, permissive method is not very good either so I wonder if anyone has figured it out that there is a 3rd method which produces better results than the two utterly useless systems that are so popular. I see both too much and too little as containing the same bad element: NEGLECT which I believe is the real problem in child rearing. The old method NEGLECTED to teach love and self control. The new method NEGLECTS to teach self discipline and respect.

They're both BAD!

I'd go with this - how about you?

8 Answers

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Parents who are easy on children, have children who are hard on parents.

    I was spanked when I did wrong, yet I turned out good. I wasn't neglected, or ended up in jail.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I think this is a very narrow-minded way of seeing parenting. There is not a designated set of ways of teaching discipline to our children due to the absolute fact that there is not a designated set of children. Just like adults, there are many attitudes, ideals, and thought processes in these little bodies. Each child needs to be cared for and taught in their own specific fashion. The biggest problem I think out there is too many parents assume that one form of parenting works for one child it must work on all. This is not the case.

    Not sure why I answered this, the more I think about it, your Q&A is appearing to be nothing more than spam. Reported.

  • 4 years ago

    Boy, there are some stupid solutions right here. in case you persist with a similar recipe, then neither. Crispy cookies could be using fact of cooking circumstances or including too lots sugar. Softer cookies are oftentimes a results of cooking the cookies with the least quantity of time. They organisation while set, ensuing in softer, chewier cookies. Frankly, while you're making use of different recipes, then you definately ought to examine the nutrition content of the ingredients blanketed. If those are shop offered cookies, then examine the label.

  • 9 years ago

    I was raised in the "old" system, and did not find it to be brutal at all.

    Perhaps your parents did not understand how to properly discipline.

    Good parents have always balanced discipline and love.

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  • 9 years ago

    If I was a parent I would be strict but not with the fairly low dangerous things so they would learn it them selves. the stupid thing about parenting is that they teach kids when they are small to walk and talk, and the rest of their lives to shut up and sit down. I would allow my kid to any thing as long as it is educational, practical and useful.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Well, naturally the most logical answer is to go with something right in between the two...

    I`d go more for the old style. That`s how I and everyone I know was raised and I don`t think I was ever lacking love.

  • 9 years ago

    I take away privileges if my kids are misbehaving (hanging out with friends, video games, sleepovers, TV, etc.).

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Your web link is down for maintenance.

    Regardless. The day I take advice from people who have NEVER interacted with my children will be the day I just give them up for adoption...and that will never happen.

    Like you I was raised with the old...and by the time I was 12 I hated my father's guts. I did not respect him, I feared him because he was bigger and stronger than me and could whip me with a belt for anything or any reason. No, it was not excessive, but it was all the man knew when he thought I needed to be punished.

    It did not straighten me out at all, it just made me learn how to be more sneaky and it fueled my rebelliousness. I was trapped in a house with an idiot and there was no escape...other than in the beer can and pot pipe.

    Yes I know not all kids brought up with whippings as punishment did the opposite of what the punishment was intended to do. Yes I know there are many kids who tow the line and accept that parents rule is absolute until the age of 18. But there are just as many who go down the path I went down...resentment and anger. The last time my dad tried to punish me I was 16. He pulled off his belt and for the first time I pulled off my belt, folded it over and said "bring it on old man".

    Dad's face went red and he came at me and I whipped that old man like a dog. I was faster, I was stronger and I had been smarter than that man since I was 10. We went from belts to fists and I bloodied his face and knocked him to the ground. He got up, unclenched his fists and looked at me and said "Be out of my house by the time I get home from work tomorrow.".

    Both of my kids are different, and I swore to myself to be smart enough to know what punishment to use that would get my kids to understand that there are rules that need to be followed. Violence against my children, causing them pain was punishment of a very last resort for me and my wife.

    My oldest girl needed a sharp hand smack once or twice a month from the age of 1-3, nothing else got her to understand that trying to pull the plastic safety plugs out of the wall was a no-no.

    My younger son turns out to be highly intelligent. I have never needed to hand smack him because even at the age of 1 I could explain things to him enough times that he would just "get it" within a week. I am going to have my hands full thinking up punishments for him, I sure as hell will not insult his intelligence and go Neanderthal on him and start whipping him.

    The Whipping parents can get their kids to stop bad behavior because they have instilled FEAR into their kids...FEAR of the whipping.

    I tell my son to stop (or my daughter now that she is older) engaging in bad behavior and they stop immediately...not because they fear my hand on their butt, but because they respect me enough to KNOW that dad has a good reason to make them stop. My 2.5 year old son will look at me and say "why dad" and I tell him why, he says "ok" and moves on to other things.

    I think too much comes from the god concept...parents think they have to DEMAND respect and instill fear in their kids just as they were taught to view god.

    My take is that if you want your kids to respect you...there are many ways to EARN their respect and once you have it, it is there forever.

    But works for me, and me and mine is all I really care about.

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