how to deal with a situation with my in-laws?

My husband and I have a 3 month old daughter. Right after she was born we spent a lot of time on the weekends at his parents. It worked out great because they always told us to come for dinner and when my daughter was first born it was hard for me to cook dinner. Over the past month things have been getting back to normal so we've been spending more time at home. We've invited my in-laws over for dinner multiple times (even before our daughter was born) and every time we invite them over there's always an excuse as to why they can't come (even after saying yes in the first place). We've even tried giving them a weeks advanced notice with multiple reminders through the week but even that didn't work. They always end up saying "Oh well we can't .... blah blah blah" ... and then tell us to come over there for dinner. If we don't come over they get upset and call my husband later that night complaining that they didn't get to see the baby. Wtf, we planned dinner and invited them over, which they declined but then they complain?! I'm to the point where I don't even want to go over there because I feel like they give no initiative when it comes to seeing her. I don't want to come off an unappreciative off everything they've did for us after our daughter was first born because I do appreciate it very much and I've told them so on many occasions. But I feel like if we never went over there they would never see us or my daughter because they don't take the initiative to. I've spoken to my husband and he agrees with me but I just don't know how to deal with the situation. I honestly feel like just not going there at all until they start showing some initiative but don't know that that's the way to about dealing with this properly. Anyone been through this? Any advice on how to deal with this?


The thing is we have tried just inviting them over without a meal (the dinner thing started primarily after our daughter was born because they'd cooked for us so much the first two months after she was born).

4 Answers

  • jct_pp
    Lv 5
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Your husband should be firm - say that they chose not to come which is why they didnt get to see the baby - nothing to do with you. He also needs to say that you need to alternate...them coming to yours, you going to theirs - that you cannot always make the effort. Ask them if there is a reason they dont want to come - the food, the house, distance or whatever and see if its something that can be fixed. He needs to support you in this, and you cant always give in and cater to their needs.

    and for your amusement go to this page, its full of people complaining about parents in law. some of them are pretty crazy! however bad your MIL, some of them are wayyy worse

  • Alison
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    Try inviting them to visit without a meal involved; say sometime afternoon on a weekend. If they manage to make that then there is something about eating meals prepared by someone else that is really the issue. You would be surprised how many people have weird food or germ phobias that they won't admit to.

    If they still won't come over there is still something abnormal in their attitude. Best case they are acting very spoiled and somewhat manipulative about staying firmly in their comfort zone. Worst case there is some other phobia involved; perhaps not wanting to drive at night or through a certain part of town, or some other germ or smell or neat-freak issue.

    You might also try meeting in some neutral place that is not your home or theirs and see how that goes.

    People can be strange and do a lot to try to hide it. You may never find out what their problem is.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Don't make a big deal of it. You offer. They can come or not. I wouldn't take it personally. It's their choice. When they give the old "we didn't get to see the baby" routine, just laugh and say 'you had your chance'. Go to their house for dinner when you want to, don't go when you don't. As the child grows, the grandparents will learn how to do it. I wouldn't get all bent out of shape about it or make it an issue between your husband and his parents. Just be cool.

  • 4 years ago

    I have identical concern best reversed my spouse's household is good off and they don't paintings and her sister is married to a healthcare professional and he or she does not paintings both, so I pay attention the impolite comments that we each paintings and their residences are greater than ours they usually force new autos each 12 months, her sister purchased each the children new autos once they became sixteen. my son is using a ninety six pickup, so I recognise simply what your are handling. Just forget about them purchase berating you it makes them consider awesome. If they deliver you crap approximately running inform them no less than your are serving to to aid your household. Or as I as soon as instructed my father in regulation who requested me why I did not make more cash so his daughter could no longer need to paintings. I stated I might make extra however we could need to transfer to California and you would not get to look her however as soon as a 12 months in order I see it it is your fault she would possibly not transfer so how approximately sharing the wealth and giving us part now rather of ready until you move on. Once they determine I had a spine and wasn't going to take their crap they subsidized off and now thier effortless to get together with. Yes this did intent a combat among my spouse and I nevertheless it best occurred as soon as and that was once a long time in the past. you must rise up in your self and do not count on aid out of your husband as he could have a concern status as much as his possess household. If not anything else be certain you need to go away to get again with the children simply earlier than the verify comes, appears like they may be able to have the funds for to shop for dinner. Good good fortune

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